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Messages By: goldilox

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November 2, 2005, 7:56 am CST

Get over it daughter-in-law!

I think the main problem with this family is the daughter in law wants to eliminate the mother all-together!  She acts like she's got it our for her husband's mother, little does she know, this is a recipe for disaster.  She has the husband so "wrapped" right now that he can't see straight.  He will regret having his mother removed from his wedding.  And I can guarantee you the wife was the ring leader of that.  So what if the mom did say those things!! Big deal!  Isn't that the truth?  The wife just wants the husband all to herself and yes, as was stated on the show, she sounds very selfish.  What if her mother was removed by police officer's from her own wedding.  We'd have a whole other show!!  The wife, daughter in law, whatever........needs to get a grip and leave that man and his mother to their own relationship.  And to the husband, when the new wears off and the honeymoon is over, you'll probably start seeing things in a whole new perspective.  Nevertheless, you can't bring back the memories of your mother being at your wedding.  This daughter in law sounds like a spoiled little brat that just used this "gossip" thing to keep the mother from the wedding.  And if it were me, I probably would have.....................well never mind.........won't do to say all that.........Dr. Phil would not be happy with that statement!  Ha Ha. 
 
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November 2, 2005, 8:03 am CST

I'm with ya!!

Quote From: saemae

I gotta agree with one of the other posters.  There is a BIG difference between gossip and truth.  Gossip is a false statement meant to cause harm to another.  TRUTH is something that actually happened.  Your dad could NOT keep his "shrinky dink" in his pants DURING HIS MARRIAGE!  Therefore, he got his MISTRIESS pregnant!  What part of that is gossip?  Your mom has a right to be angry!  So does your sister!  So do you, only you're too much of a "daddy's boy" to realize you should be mad as heck!  Pull your mom and sister aside before the nuptials and state your position, don't EMBARRASS them by sicking the police on them RIGHT BEFORE THE CEREMONY!  Your dad is a gutless wonder, and apparantly so are you and your "darling" wife!
I totally agree with you, I even posted a message myself.  That daugher-in-law just pi%@ed me off from the get go.  She didn't want his mother there and that "gossip"  thing was all she had to work on.  I can't believe he (a so called man) let this happen.  That's his mother for crying out loud!!  I wish Dr. Phil would have tore into the daughter in law a little more, and gave the son a bigger wake up call.  Sounds like these two need to slapped to get them to thinking straight!! 
 
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November 3, 2005, 6:46 pm CST

11/02 Falsely Accused

Quote From: clarpa

  I agree with you 100%.  It is so obvious Theresa dislikes Terry very much, and I am trying to figure out why Theresa is so hot on having "dad" around in the first place.  If I were a newlywed, the last  side I would take would be the  one  of an adulterous parent - If it is okay for dad, maybe sonny boy will follow in his steps. Anyway, Theresa appears to be out to get Terry and to be very cold and unloving.  I have seen her type before, and I will bet she rules the roost.  When Steve wakes up and smells the coffee,  his mom may have passed on, and what an awful waste that would be - you can never get that back. ever.

I think the majority agrees with us too!!  I would love to see the follow up with this family.  Hopefully little miss "thang" will have had her bubble busted by then.  I'm not trying to sound mean but you know, the last thing you want to do is come between family.  Blood is "always" thicker than water.......eventually.  Nice sharing opinions with you!! 

 
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February 20, 2006, 8:32 pm CST

I can rest now.....

Well, I cringed when I saw the name of this show because I thought to myself, "oh hell, this is me"  but actually I don't think that now.  I'm sure they're are some people that may still disagree but  those people are probably the ones that pushed me into a corner and a little bit of bitch came out!!  LOL. I would now say more than ever than I am definately assertive.  I do nice things for people first, I greet everyone nicely first, I don't wait for someone to do something nice for me first and I don't expect people to step aside to let me pass by.  However, if I feel or know that I am right, or feel strongly about something I will standup for myself in a heartbeat and depending on how far "they" want to take it, they may get the "bitch".  I don't let me talk to me or treat me any kind of way, however I don't demand anything from them either.  Most people feel you out a little before they 'take you on' so to speak, and I think most people that know me will tell you that I would give you the shirt off my back, but they also know not to mistreat me or try to 'runover' me.  And yes, I have eat 'sh-t' before, who hasn't?  Sometimes I do it just because I don't feel like having a confrontation.  Depending on the situation at hand has alot to do with the way I handle it and I'm sure some people would say, 'Nah, she's just a pure bitch'.  Oh well, I think the ones that think that are the ones that didn't get away with making me a doormat and they're pissed off because they couldn't make me a doormat like they have everyone else in their lives.  I'm not too good at being a doormat, but I'm not aggressive about it.  I found out early on when I was young growing up, my Daddy was physically and verbally abusive, and I made up my mind that I would not allow no one else in this world to talk to me, or treat me that way ever again, and that I wouldn't treat anyone else like that either.  I am so careful with my now, 12 year old daughter that I don't  treat her like that.  And I tell her everyday, a million times a day, that I love her and how proud I am of her, which is something I never heard from my mama or daddy.  My childhood could have made me a real bitch but I chose to use that experience differently, simple because I remember how bad and worthless it made me feel.  I think women (or men) that are real 'bitches' have a history that has made them that way to a certain degree.  Maybe they don't know any other way to behave???   

  

Sorry so long, had to vent!! 

  

Goldilox 

  

P.S.  I wander if Dr. Phil ever reads these message boards??  : ) 

 
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February 20, 2006, 9:16 pm CST

Huh?

Quote From: ambernt

How was it offensive to women when they were calling themselves it... and proud of it. I do agree that the show should and Dr Phil shouldn't have used the word for the sake of listening. Also what is the difference between a a** hole and a B**ch!!! NOTHING!!! They both need to get over themselves

Maybe if, when you saw the name of the show "are you a bitch?" You could have not watched it while your child was in the room or taped it and watched it later.  You had to have known that word was going to be said during the show, don't blame Dr. Phil, it's not like he sneaked one in on you! 

 
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October 29, 2006, 3:05 pm CST

The one thing I have always feared is happening!

I need help and/or re-assurance.  My ex is trying to get custody of our 12 year old daughter.  It all started when he let her go to a high school homecoming football game and homecoming dance with ther 17 year old step sister.  I asked him why would he let our 12 year old daughter (who looks 18) go with the 17 year stepsister where only high school aged students were allowed.  I am sure the football game itself didn't have an age limit but I know the dance did because I asked the principal and she confirmed it.  The day this all happened was a Friday, she had called the night before because she wanted to go see her daddy since she hadn't been to see him in over a month, which was her decision not to go.  She had told me she didn't want to go because she always got stuck babysitting her 4 year half sister and that her daddy wasn't ever there anyway and because of the "illegal stuff" that was going on over there.  Well a red flag went up for me when she said "illegal stuff".  What parent wouldn't have a red flag?  Well, when she actually did call him that Thursday night and asked could she go see him that weekend he told her 'no' because it was going to rain.  ???  I didn't understand that, but I didn't make a big deal out of it for her sake, however she was upset about it anyway and made the comment to me that she 'was done with her daddy'.  I sort of played it off for her sake and changed the subject to get it off her mind.  Ironically enough the next day (Friday) at school she called my mom because shew as sick and need to come home.  She told my mom not to have her daddy or Shari (his wife now) to pick her up because she would have to wind up staying all weekend and she didn't want to do that.  Well, since my mom and my ex's mom work together, my ex's mom had already called him to pick her up from school which he did.  I didn't know any of this until I was on my way home from work late that Friday.  My daughter calls me from her daddy's house and informs me that she is there and will just stay with him that night and I said ok.  I have never had a problem with her going to see her daddy when she wanted to and have never kept her from him.  That particular weekend was my weekend but I still didnt' have a problem with it.  Later that night I tried to call my daugher (as I always do) around 9:00 or 9:30 to tell her goodnight and "I love you".  I couldn't get an answer on any of the phones they have.  I tried my daughter's cell phone, his 2 cell phones and his home phone up until about 10:30.  He finally answered the home phone and told me our daughter had rode to the store with the step sister.  I wasn't crazy about that idea but I didn't panic.  I then asked him if the stepsister had her cell phone w/her so I could talk to my daughter and he said 'no,  her cell phone is in her room on the charger'.  I said ok and we ended the call.  Knowing him, and the way he has always lied, I didn't believe what he was telling me, plus my gut was telling me something was wrong.  So I started calling the stepsister's cell phone.  No answer.  Finally I texted the step sister's cell phone and ask her to tell my daughter to call me.  Within 5 minutes of me sending that text message, my ex calls me and informs me that our daughter wouldn't be home (to his house) until 11:30.  I said "11:30?"  I thought you told me they were just gone to the store.  Then is when he informed me that he let her go the the highschool homecoming football game and dance.  I ask him what he was thinking and he told me he wasn't going to hear my sh*t and hung up on me.  Well, I never tried to call him back but I continued to still call the step sister's cell phone.  My daughter finally answered and I told her I was coming to pick her up from the school.  I didn't even get excited w/her or upset.  I just told her to be ready when I got there and we would come home. Well, my ex and his wife beat me to it.  Somehow they found out I was on the way to pick her up and they got there first.   They were leaving as I was getting there.  I then went to his house and ask him to have her get her things so we could go home.  He said "She's not going no G*D Da*n where.  I knew then it wasn't going to be easy.  I told him we could either do this the easy way or the hard way.  He still proclaimed my daughter wasn't leaving w/me.  Mind you, this was actually my weekend.  I called 911 and had 2 deputies come to his house to help me get my daughter.  They informed him that she had to go with me after they read the custody papers that are in place right now.  We went into his house where my daughter was and I ask her to please get her things so we could go home.  Before she could answer the step mother speaks up and says "But she don't want to go with you".  I informed you that this wasn't any of her business and that she needed to sit down and stay out of it.  Well, she went balistic.  She told me to get the f*ck out of her house! Yelling and screaming at me, telling me I didn't know who I was f*cking with and on and on.  I told her I would leave as soon as I had my daughter.  By this time, of course my daughter is very upset.  (the very thing I didn't want to happen)  They talked her into living w/them however she's changed her mind since all this happened.  He has filed papers for full custody, me pay him child support and me pay his attorney fees.  I am sure he as let her go out with the 17 year step sister before but I could never prove it.  He tries to be the hero by letting her run wild and letting her do what she wants to while I'm the only one with structure and discipline.  I know young girls are having sex, doing drugs and God only knows what else.  I am just trying to keep my daughter safe from all those things.  He don't think I ever let her do anything, but he is so wrong.  She goes to all of her friends birthday parties and we also take her to almost every football game at her own middle school.  I let her do things with kids her own age, not 5 years older.  She'll be doing the same things 17 and 18 year olds do if she is let hang out with them.  He never once asked me my opinion on letting her go to places like that because he knew I was disagree.  So he lied to me about it and teaching her how to lie to get what she wants.  I don't know what to do.  I'm sure he doesn't have a leg to stand on when we go to court but it's the thoughts of it.  I have seen stranger things happen.  Does anyone agree with me?  Am I the wrong one here?  God knows I just want whats best for her.  Please help, I need all the advise I can get.

 

Goldilox

 
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November 10, 2006, 11:46 pm CST

Still worried sick

Quote From: bactphd95

goldilox is right, strange things can happen in  a court, w/ a judge...I like your insight here about offering mediation.

 

I think you've hit the nail on the head concerning the resentment issue, and how the 12-year-old should try & face her father. However (and I am dealing with similar resentments with my 10-y/o, also specifically about babysitting), it is much easier said than done, especially if "devoted daddy" is a pompous so-and-so who a) thinks the world revolves around him and b) gets quite nasty when he doesn't get his way.

Thanks to all that had comments, they do help.  We are scheduled to go to court in December for the custody hearing.  I am a basket case these days.  I don't sleep, can't eat and just want to cry all the time.  I can't believe this is even close to happening!    Remember what you said about my daughter feeling resentment?  Well,  she had already told her Daddy that she was tired of babysitting and that she wanted to see 'him' when she went to visit.  All 3 of us actually sat down and had a long talk about all of this.  Everything seemed to be ok for a while and then it went right back to the same thing.  That's why she hadn't went to see him there for a while.  I surely wasnt' going to force her to. I never want her to think I want to get her out of the way.  As a matter of fact the weekend before all of this other stuff happened, she went w/me and my husband now on our Anniversary weekend because she couldn't get in touch w/her daddy.  I didn't hesitate to take her w/me on our trip because it was already bad enough that she thought her daddy didn't want to see her.  HE's such an idiot!  I have had time to think about everything that has happened and my take on this is that he's doing it for money.  And his wife is pushing him because she needs a care giver.  Not just for the 4 yr but for her feeble mother.  I have since learned that my daughter has been giving the old lady baths.  I don't have a problem with someone looking after the elderly at all, but I don't think my daughter at 10, 11 or 12 years old should be giving an elderly woman a bath do you?  He's also not paid child support since June.  Yes it goes thru the clerk of court but back in the day when he hardly had to pay anything ($140.00) a month, he might send 10-20 more which went towards a credit for him.  Over 8-9 years he accumulated a credit of about $2000.  I think him and the wife has had this planned for a while because why did he stop paying child support in June?  Think about it, he now pays $384 a month.  Ok, if he hasn't paid since June his credits are almost gone, and what better than to never have to pay anymore and get our daughter to go live with him?  He wouldn't have to pay and would be getting paid by me!!  His wife would also get her 'little helper' too.  It's all too coincidental to me.  And the thoughts of him doing this for those reasons makes me sick.  He'd rather ruin her life for his own financial gain.  I have hired the best attorney in this county to represent me.  It cost me money that I didn't have, but it'll be the best money I ever spent if I can keep my daughter.  It don't matter to me if I have to sell everything I've got, I'd do it.  I don't know what he is thinking.  Really and truly, it's not even up to him nor my daughter to make the decision to go live w/him.  It's up to a judge, and that came straight from 'a' judges' mouth that does this type of thing everyday.  I'm sure he'll take in consideration what she 'wants' to do, but hopefully when he hears the whole story leading up to this he'll see what I see.  Not to mention a past of drugs.  I pray every day and night about this, it's totally in God's hands.  I know we aren't supposed to worry because God is going to handle everything for us.  And I don't really 'worry' as much as I try to 'fix it' myself.  Since this has happened, she comes home from his house with a different attitude.  She's very quiet, acts almost pissed off about something, and won't talk for a while.  After a few days she seems to get back to normal.  But I hate it when she comes home like that because I don't know if they are pressuring her into saying and/or doing things she really don't want to do.  I think she tells them what they want to hear at the time.  It's sad in a way that she is having to deal w/this at this age.  She is also part to blame for this in a way, she knew I would not approve of her going to a highschool homecoming dance plus she was on restriction for bad grades.  She was doing what felt good at the moment and thought it was ok because 'daddy' said it was ok.  He didn't bother to ask me either, never asks about her grades or anything.  He tries to be her 'buddy' instead of her daddy.  Being her buddy is ok, but not if it henders him from making the right decisions.  She is only a child though, and of course, she's going to act like one, that's where we as parents are supposed to step in and guide them in the right direction.  You know, I wish my daughter could see things for what they are, but she can't because her mind isn't developed to see things in that way yet.  Her daddy didn't even call her on her Birthday which was November 3rd.  It's like the worse he treats her the better she likes him and the better I am to her the more she resents me.  That's what you call, 'being too good' to someone.  But she's my baby  and I do everything I can for her.  I gave her a big B-day party, had music, a disco ball, lights, food,  and the whole works.  She had almost 40 kids show up.  Half of which were girls that spent the night!!  That was an experience!  But she had fun and she was 13 so I wanted it to be special.  Sorry so long, this is just so much on my mind.  It's driving me crazy.  Thanks for your comments.  Any advise is helpful.
 
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April 14, 2008, 11:30 am CDT

50/50

I can kind of relate to today's show in a way.  I don't think Sonja's way of handling the situation is right but I also believe that all the older daughter is interested in is the the mom's money.  I mean really?  Why would you even want to talk about your mom's will before she's dead?  It's like your sitting and waiting to see how much you'll get.......that's sad.  I want my parents to live forever and don't even want to think about their will.  If I'm having to think about their will, then that means they're not here!!!  HELLLLOOOO!  I've had this same conversation with my sister in law, (my brother's wife) keep in mind, she married into my family.  She has been to my parents home before and said right in front of me, my brother and my parents that she wanted this or that left to her in their will.  It was antique furniture or something of that nature that she had always admired.  It was all I could do not to slap the dust out of her right then and there.  How dare she even entertain the thought of my parents being dead and what she's going to get.  That thought had never entered my mind!!  Now my brother is starting to act just like his wife.  I love them both to death but I won't hear talk about a will or anything else that has to do with 'after my parents are dead'.  What they have is theirs (my parents) and they need to live life to the fullest while they're here and not care what they are going to leave anyone.  My brother even gets mad if my dad sells a piece of land!  Because in his mind, that's less he'll be getting one day when they're dead.  OMG!  I told my mom and dad to sell it all and live it up and never worry about leaving me anything because they owe me nothing.  If anything, I'll owe them the rest of my life and could never repay them.  I can see the same thing happening to my family.  My dad is a stubborn person that is always right and does things his way, and I got a feeling he would do the same thing to my brother that Sonja did to Lisa.  Honestly, I think Lisa is alot like my brother, (and his wife) she can't stop talking about 'the will", I know Dr. Phil mentioned how much they talked about 'the fence' but 'the fence' wouldn't be there if it weren't for 'the will'.  It doesn't sound like Lisa is interested in her relationship with her mom nor her sister, it's all about what she's going to get in 'the will'.  Lisa made the statement that she wants what she's entitled to.  Guess what?  She's not entitled to a dang thing!  That's just it, she's so greedy she can't see past her nose.  That's her mom's money, land etc. and it's completely up to her what she does with it.  That might be wrong on the mom's part but it's her money and her choice.  Not Lisa's.  The younger sister seemed to have the most sense of any of them and she's a teenager for crying out loud!  What does that say about the family??? Did they ever say who mentioned the will first?  I don't remember hearing how it all got started.  I remember hearing listen mention buying land in conjunction w/her mom but I never knew if the mom or Lisa mentioned 'the will' first.  If someone knows, please let me know.  Thanks!

 

 

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