Messages By: kabee312

Hi there.  I am not sure if anyone here can answer this question, but I've been doing a lot of adoption research just to get the answer, but I can't seem to find it- so I thought I'd give this board a shot.   

I'm a college student in my early twenties right now, but I know that sometime in the next few years I am going to want to adopt a baby.  The problem is, I am not sure that I will be allowed to adopt.  See, I was born with a form of Muscular Dystrophy called Spinal Muscular Atrophy and I'm in a wheelchair.  I live a normal life like everyone else, I just do it sitting down.  This disorder only effects my muscles- I am very weak and  I depend on others to help me get through my daily life(such as showering, dressing, cooking, and cleaning).  I would also not be able to take care of a baby on my own, but I know that I will have the money to hire a "nanny" or someone like a nanny to help me with those things.  I'll also have a husband who is healthy and will be able to do these things.  So my question is, will my disability keep us from being able to adopt a child? 

My family says that I am thinking too far into the future and shouldn't worry about this right now, but I have my reasons.  When I was growing up there were things that I had planned on doing- like driving, and when I turned 15 and wanted to start to learn I was told "You'll never be able to do that." because of this disorder.  I am now able to drive, but it took me years to find a way to get here.  The same thing happened when I was about to graduate high school and I wanted to go off to college- I was told I would always need to live with my parents.  It took me two years to get around that too, but I'm now living in my own apartment with two paid attendants to help me with my needs.  The reason that I am looking into adoption now is because I don't want to get my hopes up again and then when it's time to start the process be told no again.   

I have always wanted a family and one day I'll have one, I am able to have my own baby, buy I'd rather adopt.  I feel like there are so many babies and children out there that need a loving home and I can provide them that.  Anyway- does anyone know if having a disability will get in the way of my adopting a child? 

Hi everyone.  I've only posted on Dr. Phil's message board once before under the adoption topic and no one ever responded so if I am doing something wrong I'm sorry.  I don't post on these things usually.    

Today I need some advice on how to help a friend who is very depressed and I am concerned.  I don't know if any of you can help, but I had to ask because this girl(I'll call her V) is like a little sister to me and I can't stand to see her hurting this way.  

I can completely relate to part of the reason she is depressed.  It's all about her self-image.  The part that I relate to is the fact that we have both grown up with a disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  It's a genetic disorder that began on us when we were about 18 months old.  So neither of us have ever walked.  The disease makes us weak all over.  It gets worse as we get older, it progresses faster in some patients and others can stay the same for 15 years.  V and I are able to use our arms for a lot of things and we are pretty much at the same stage.  On top of being in the wheelchair though it makes us sick in other ways because our bodies don't work right.  For example, our lungs are muscles and because ours are weak when we catch a cold it can very easily turn into pneumonia, and it effect's our bones, both of our spines are curved.  Just things like that.    

She is two years younger than I am and over the past five years we have gotten very close.  Since I had gone through a lot of the same issues she had during her teenage years (she's 19 now and I'm 21) I could always help her get through it.  Even if I couldn't fix something, I could at least tell her stories about myself that let her know she isn't alone.  Right now she feels alone in the world and I know this because I went through the same thing.  I felt as if I would never get to have a life of my own.  It takes a lot to care for a person with my problems and no one is ever going to want to live with me and take on that burden.  The only ones willing to are parents and even then they only do it because they have to.  I'll never find a boyfriend because the chair scares men away.  Those are the thoughts that I used to have and the ones V tells me about now.    

I got through it when I realized that thinking like that is only going to make it true.  I gave up before I even gave myself a chance for a happy life.  I decided I was going to do everything I could to make myself a happy person.  Part of that was going to see a counselor and the rest of it was just doing what everyone else my age was.  I graduated high school and started college.  Last semester I was living in my own apartment on campus with a roommate/caretaker.  Soon I will be driving a care and have more independence than I ever dreamed of.  I am sick at the moment so I had to give up the apartment and withdrawl from school for awhile, but once I recover I am going back until I get my degree, however long that takes.  As for the dating thing, it's not great, but it's not non existant either.  The wheelchair does make it a problem for most guys, but I know that there are men out there who can look past it and those are the ones worth waiting for, in my opinion.  

I have been trying to hard to get through to V and get her some counseling and to show her by example that she can have a happy life.  She used to believe me, but now she says it's different for me because she is overweight and I am not.  I'm actually underweight, but that is just the disease effecting us in different ways( I'm sure it has to do with genes too).  She sent me an email today confessing an eating disorder.  She didn't give details, but since she doesnt have the strength for bulemia I think she just stopped eating.  I know she needs help, how can I get it to her?   Does anyone have any advice that could help?  Thank you so much for reading this, and I hope it isn't too long.    

This is what her letter said about her problems:  

"I hate to admitt it but I do feel that God forgot about me when he was creating me...I know that we've talked about this alot, but I seriously believe that Im ugly and I hate looking at myself and seeing what I see and looking at other girls and thinking why am I not that pretty. I've been through soo much in the past 1 1/2 yr and my family just found out and they're trying to help me through it but they have no clue on to how I feel. I feel alone and Im depressed ALL the time, I have an eating disorder, and you can try and tell me all this stuff about it and how Im killing myself and whatever but to let you know now if my own bestfriend can't stop me from doing what Im doing, you cant either. If I die at least I die skinny. I know this sounds crazy but I feel like if Im skinny then Im pretty. I put on this act and I pretend that Im happy all the time when all I wanna do is be by myself and just cry. I really don't know what else to say, and maybe me talking to someone will help but as of right now I just wanna keep it to myself."  

Any comments or advice will be a huge help!  

Hi everyone.  I've only posted on Dr. Phil's message board once before under the adoption topic and no one ever responded so if I am doing something wrong I'm sorry.  I don't post on these things usually.   

Today I need some advice on how to help a friend who is very depressed and I am concerned.  I don't know if any of you can help, but I had to ask because this girl(I'll call her V) is like a little sister to me and I can't stand to see her hurting this way. 

I can completely relate to part of the reason she is depressed.  It's all about her self-image.  The part that I relate to is the fact that we have both grown up with a disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  It's a genetic disorder that began on us when we were about 18 months old.  So neither of us have ever walked.  The disease makes us weak all over.  It gets worse as we get older, it progresses faster in some patients and others can stay the same for 15 years.  V and I are able to use our arms for a lot of things and we are pretty much at the same stage.  On top of being in the wheelchair though it makes us sick in other ways because our bodies don't work right.  For example, our lungs are muscles and because ours are weak when we catch a cold it can very easily turn into pneumonia, and it effect's our bones, both of our spines are curved.  Just things like that.   

She is two years younger than I am and over the past five years we have gotten very close.  Since I had gone through a lot of the same issues she had during her teenage years (she's 19 now and I'm 21) I could always help her get through it.  Even if I couldn't fix something, I could at least tell her stories about myself that let her know she isn't alone.  Right now she feels alone in the world and I know this because I went through the same thing.  I felt as if I would never get to have a life of my own.  It takes a lot to care for a person with my problems and no one is ever going to want to live with me and take on that burden.  The only ones willing to are parents and even then they only do it because they have to.  I'll never find a boyfriend because the chair scares men away.  Those are the thoughts that I used to have and the ones V tells me about now.   

I got through it when I realized that thinking like that is only going to make it true.  I gave up before I even gave myself a chance for a happy life.  I decided I was going to do everything I could to make myself a happy person.  Part of that was going to see a counselor and the rest of it was just doing what everyone else my age was.  I graduated high school and started college.  Last semester I was living in my own apartment on campus with a roommate/caretaker.  Soon I will be driving a care and have more independence than I ever dreamed of.  I am sick at the moment so I had to give up the apartment and withdrawl from school for awhile, but once I recover I am going back until I get my degree, however long that takes.  As for the dating thing, it's not great, but it's not non existant either.  The wheelchair does make it a problem for most guys, but I know that there are men out there who can look past it and those are the ones worth waiting for, in my opinion. 

I have been trying to hard to get through to V and get her some counseling and to show her by example that she can have a happy life.  She used to believe me, but now she says it's different for me because she is overweight and I am not.  I'm actually underweight, but that is just the disease effecting us in different ways( I'm sure it has to do with genes too).  She sent me an email today confessing an eating disorder.  She didn't give details, but since she doesnt have the strength for bulemia I think she just stopped eating.  I know she needs help, how can I get it to her?   Does anyone have any advice that could help?  Thank you so much for reading this, and I hope it isn't too long.   

This is what her letter said about her problems: 

"I hate to admitt it but I do feel that God forgot about me when he was creating me...I know that we've talked about this alot, but I seriously believe that Im ugly and I hate looking at myself and seeing what I see and looking at other girls and thinking why am I not that pretty. I've been through soo much in the past 1 1/2 yr and my family just found out and they're trying to help me through it but they have no clue on to how I feel. I feel alone and Im depressed ALL the time, I have an eating disorder, and you can try and tell me all this stuff about it and how Im killing myself and whatever but to let you know now if my own bestfriend can't stop me from doing what Im doing, you cant either. If I die at least I die skinny. I know this sounds crazy but I feel like if Im skinny then Im pretty. I put on this act and I pretend that Im happy all the time when all I wanna do is be by myself and just cry. I really don't know what else to say, and maybe me talking to someone will help but as of right now I just wanna keep it to myself." 

Any comments or advice will be a huge help!