Messages By: kimmie1

  Hi! I lost my Mom on Sept.6,2005 

we did not know she was sick, One day I'm having a cut of tea with her and the next day she was gone, 

  I miss her so much ,we were best friends,I cry all the time,I only think of Mom. 

I forget to pay a lot of bills because Mom  is the only thing I think about. 

some time I wish I can go where she is. 

but I have a husband and a daughter. 

Please help me with this. 

I live in florida 

Jeannie 

Four years ago my father passed away from brain tumors. He was 49 and I was 20. My dad and I were always very close.  A month prior to his passing I was taking care of him while my mom worked and I discovered due to his suspisious behavior that he was having and affair on my mom who he had been married to for 20 years.  I was completely shocked.  I knew i had to tell my mom but that was one of the hardest decisions ive ever had to make.  He was dying and this was the last of his time on earth, i really didnt want to hurt my mom that way.  But I told her and she was crushed.  We both continued to care for him and I realized that i had to forgive him for what he did before he died or i wouldnt be able to live with myself.  I forgave him but to this day i wonder if i made the right decision.  I made peace with my dad and told him how much I loved him before he died, i like to think it was the 28 tumors in his brain that caused him to choose to have an affair but I just dont know.  It was just his four year anniversary of his death and its still hard everyday.  In addition my mom is remarrying on Saturday so im trying to be happy for her but deep im hurting.  NOt that i dont like the guy just that its not my dad.......Any advice would be appreciated 

Thanks 

While my husband and I agree on discipline with our children, that is not the same with his sister and brother-in-law. While all of our children are the same age and all well disciplined, we keep experiencing problems with them overreacting and even bullying our eldest child during the 3 or 4 times we see them each year.  

Our inlaws and we couldn't be more different in our parenting styles. My husband and I are playful parents and enjoy being with our children while my inlaws are very serious people and openly mock my husband and I for playing kids music in our car and tell family members that we are overindulgent for buying our 2 1/2 and 4 year old sons certain toys like tricycles and a kid pool and taking them with us on family vacations (they go alone). 

During our most recent visit to my husband's parents' house, my son started to form teams with his other two cousins and younger brother. I stepped away to get a jacket and came back to find my son explaining to my 3-year-old nephew that he was on the same team with my younger son. While I smiled at my son's efforts to organize a soccer game, I overheard my brother-in-law snap at my son to "stop being mean". While I know my son isn't perfect and he can sometimes say things with the wrong tone of voice (he just turned 4, after all), this was a perfectly innocent comment on my son's part. Later, my mother-in-law gave all of her grandsons light sabers. During play, my nephew ran between my two sons while they were dueling and my son struck his cousin with the light saber. My nephew didn't seem to notice or care and kept running but my sister-in-law saw it, jumped out of her chair, and shreaked at my son for hurting her son. Her son started to cry then and my son ran over to apologize. She pulled her son away from my son, shot my son a mean look, and asked her son, "how did Alex hurt you?". My husband stepped up, apologized to his sister and explained that it was an accident. His sister backed down then but she hovered around her son the rest of the evening and my other sister-in-law overheard her tell her husband that my son was a tyrant and always hurting their son. Meanwhile, both of my sons get along famously with my husband's brother's daughter and their other friends and in fact, when he and his cousin are playing without my inlaws around, everyone gets along great too. It's only when my inlaws are there that there are problems. 

While these comments and overreactions don't seem to bother my son as nearly as much as it does me, I am concerned that I'm teaching my inlaws how to treat my son. I noticed during this last visit that the pattern may be spreading to my younger son who learned over to hug their 15-month-old daughter who was sitting besides him on the floor and again, my sister-in-law flew across the room to pick her baby up and away from my son. I fear that eventually, these snide comments will hurt my sons' feelings and I would prefer to stop it before it does. My husband usually lets these things slide and only occasionally steps in like the sword incident but I feel we need to be more assertive in stopping this behavior.  Am I overreacting or should I step in and start defending my son against his aunt and uncle? 

IF  

If there was a way I would do it 

If I was the only one hurt by it  

If it could look like an accident  

If I could forget how many people it would hurt  

If I could stop the roller coaster ride  

If I forgot there is medication that works  

If I could afford the medication  

If I could remeber to talk to someone  

If I could afford the bills  

If I could stop hoping for a heart attack  

If I could stop crying  

If I wasn't worn so thin by being streched one way then an other  

If I could stop eating so much  

If I could lose weight  

If I could stop the pain  

If I could stop wanting to cut the ties that bind me to life so that I could end that life  

If I wasn't angry for being bound  

If   

Hi Kimmie - I can totally undestand how you feel.  My dad passed away 4 months ago and I can't imagine the upcoming holidays without him.  He was 67 and had been sick for a few months and at the end of May we found out he had some rare form of cancer, which was supposed to be treatable with this miracle drug, but the cancer was too far advanced for the medicine and he passed away June 15, just a few weeks after starting the medications.  I know I have lost a HUGE part of me and my best friend.  I have a hard time going to my parent's home now and just see everything thru different eyes since my dad passed away.  I had always been closer to my dad than my mother,  I was a "daddy's girl."   Everyone around me,  including my husband , is also suffering,  as my father was like a real father that he never had.  I cry at the slightest thing and anything that reminds me of my dad.    I am 40 years and also a diabetic, which was a gift I shared with my father.  I feel like I was robbed,  at times I'm mad at him for dying and at the same time I'm mad at myself for letting him die.  I feel like I missed something with his illness, that I should have insisted on a second opinion or I should have saw something and made him get treatment sooner.  I ask myself everyday, what could I have done.  My dad watched his mother suffer thru breast cancer and was adament that he did not want to be a bother to anyone and did not want to have to go thru chemo and all of that if there was no hope.  He did not want to be a vegetable or just a shell of a man that used to be.  He went fast and with dignity, the way he wanted to and thats the only thing that gives me strength is just knowing that he didn't suffer needlessly and endlessly.  I have an aunt that's in her mid 50's and has battled cancer for 5 years and she is now paralyzed and bedridden and that was exactly what my father did not want.  I have tried everyday to ask myself, what would daddy do if he was here - would he go there or do this or do that.  I talk to him everyday as I like to believe that he can hear me.  I pick up the phone to call him and realize that he's not going to answer.  I have 2 young children and I have to keep going for them and for my dad, if not for myself, then for them.  Unfortunately, I have learned in the last few months I can't stop living cause he's not here.  I go on, day by day, trying to honor and carry on his memory cause thats what he wanted for me and for his grandchildren.  I know nothing will ever fill this hole in my life or the hole in my heart, nothing will help the pain. 

I lost my mom 2 1/2 years ago and she was my best friend.  I used to think I was a strong person but now I feel like I am so vulnerable.  I am 39 years old and my 40th b-day is coming..I havent been able to get happy and frankly all the women in my life have either passed on or not very simpithetic.  I feel very alone and scared at this point.  My best friend and I just had a fallen out also.  Is there someone out there who can realate to this and help with this terrible feeling of depression and sadness? I am married to a wonderful man and I have 2 children and I would like to be the mom and wife I want to be however the thoughts of greif and loneliness sometimes gets in the way.  My advice to any women if your mom is your best friend make sure you have other women supporters in you life because I have lots of friends but I told my mom everything.  Now I feel I have no one who understands and can help. 

thanks Teresa  

Hi Teresa,   

My name is Kim.  I lost my mom 2 months ago.  I know how you feel and I know how long days can seem. I have an husband and 2 beautiful little girls and i still feel lost alone and angry.  I havent been the best wife and mom since I lost my mom.  Im always sad and depressed. Coming from a person who suffering from the lost of their mother I say Pray Pray Pray and ask the lord for strength.  My mom was my bestfriend also, so I know that make things hurt twice as much when you dont have no one to turn to.  So maybe we can be a support system for eachother. If you ever need someone to talk to and that is someone who can relate with your situation feel free to contact me.( www.kedwards@hotmail.com)   kimmie1