Messages By: widget

Here's the thing... 

Throughout my sexual history, i have had what i term "a boring sexlife"! By that i mean it's either missionary, doggy or me riding him. I have only ever had an orgasm once when i was 17... i dont think i've cum since then either. (sorry to be graphic lol) 

Now, i was in a physically violent relationship a few years back and in that time also had my youngest son. Due to the beatings etc, apparently my internal muscles were/are "stressed" which in other words is like saying the elasticity in my muscles isnt there anymore!  I no longer FEEL sex like i used to, its harder for me to be pleased and i feel like im too loose to be able to please him (my partner). He's told me that 'I ROCK'  but here's the kicker - i'm not getting anything out of it!! I'm at a point where i love him so much that i want to experience so many things, sexually speaking, but because of the fact that i've never had any GOOD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES in my life.... i wouldnt have a clue how to ask for it!  My partner's not a "huggy" type of guy or one who shows emotions or sentimentality by any stretch of the imagination - no I LOVE YOU's etc... he gives off the COLD SHOULDER type of personna... but i know he loves me with all his heart and that its just the way his adopted family brought him up.  There's no fourplay, no different positions, no... NOTHING! I give oral, he doesn't, he gets to orgasm/cum and i dont.  Its kinda like he gets and i dont scenario!  I know i'm gaining a bit of weight but i'm trying not to let that affect my thinking. We live some distance away from each other and when i see him, my heart just melts!!  I would love to enrich our sexlife but i have absolutely no idea how to ask with the type of personality that he has. I have tried a couple of things like a sexy nightgown, giving him a massage while hes having a bath... but because of his personality, i have no idea if he even likes it or not cos he DOESNT SAY! 

PLEASE... how do i ask for more? How do i spice it up?  I have no intention of 'straying', so thats not even an option.  I would like to go from a BORING and dull past-sex-life... to a ZANY and spontaeneous sexlife with a never ending range of options both sexually and emotionally! I cant just say EAT ME! or CAN U PUT YOUR HAND ON *HERE*.............. that would be too embarrassing.  In essence think of it like this.... WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM! kinda sex life!! (with no excitement or fun/joy in it for me AT ALL!)... how do i ask him for what i want? I KNOW I'M EMBARRASSED at the thought of asking for *whatever* so how do i overcome that one too?   

Your advice is eagerly awaited and thanks for reading!  Have a great day!  

Scenario: 

things like phone sex, verbal converstaions about "it" with ur partner, role plays, porn flicks, nudity (your own in front of someone), initiating sex or "moods"... do these kinds of things embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable? 

What would ur advice be to people with these kinds of problematic situations? 

**my apologies for hi-jacking ur thread mate, but i dont know how to start a thread of my own!** 

Neither of your parents have the right to do what they are doing!! What your mum (mom if you are in the USA) is doing, is trying to get back at your dad by a kind of "neener neener neener, i win, so there... she wants me more than you and you didnt get her "with a poking of the tongues kinda attitude"  That, in my opinion is TOTALLY WRONG of her.  What your father is doing is also totally wrong and emotionally harmful for someone of your age.  Your parents split up for reasons that were between your mum and dad... not something any of you or siblings may have done - never forget that!!  From what i can see by what you wrote... your father CHOSE to move to Florida, whether it was for work reasons or a new relaitonship or whatever the reason. It would not have been becauseo f anything you did.  They are both playing a game of *lets emotionally blackmail the girl* and its just pulling you in both directions.  Your younger brother is just angry cos dad has moved away, which is normal for any child, and because he seems to know that you are having these problems with your parents - he'll also find it easier to blame you rather than any other possibility. And no, he is not right to blame you - its probalby the only way he knows how to react to the situation presented to him.

They should have been ADULT about what you decided to do as to who you lived with - instead they are acting more childish than anyone.  You were asked to make a choice, which in itself is a bit selfish of them (and i dont know why they didn't give your sibling/s the same option instead of just you) and they should have realised that you would chose one and not the other.  Please, dont beat yourself up about it, NONE OF THIS is your fault!!!

Let your dad know that it was a hard decision to make, and tell him why you wanted to stay there... maybe you like the school there/friends/family etc. But tell him you love him no matter what happens and you always will. If he cant accept that, then he still has issues that he needs to sort on his own and its nothing you can help him with. Your mother needs to act her age, stop using you as an emotional weapon against your father, and just move on with her life by trying to make all your lives HAPPY and non-resentful.  They've had TEN YEARS to get over all the split... its time they GREW UP AND ACTED THEIR AGE instead of their shoe-size!

Chin up 'troubled teen', things will get better... it'll just take a bit of time.  All the best (and yes i know what you're going through from when i was younger and in the same situation).

Take care, hope this helped at least a little bit.  *HUGS from me to thee*