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Messages By: 1FAMLY

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May 9, 2006, 9:16 pm PDT

CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE-NOT ANIMALS!!!!

I AM A 60 YR OLD "PAPA" WITH 3 WONDERFUL YOUNG ADULTS IN MY PERSONAL 'FAMLY' (CODY-24; STACEY-27; JAMES-36 (MARRIED AND FATHER OF MY NEW 3RD GRANDCHILD). IHAVE LEARNED A LIFETIME OF INFORMATION  ABOUT FAMILY MATTERS, TREATMENT AND UNDERSTANDING FROM THE OPRAH AND DR. PHIL SHOW. I WOULD LIKE TO PERSONALLY APPLAUD AND THANK DR. PHIL FOR ALL THE FAMILY  SHOWS HE HAS HAD AIRED FOR HIS TELEVISION AUDIENCE. I HAVE LEARNED AND PUT INTO PRACTICE MANY, MANY OF THE SUGGESTIONS  AND FAMILY/PEOPLE HANDLING TRAITS PRESENTED ON THE SHOWS. MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT OPRAH AND DR. PHIL DIDN'T COME INTO MY LIFE 35 YRS AGO. I USE ALL I HAVE LEARNED FROM WATCHING THE SHOWS--DAILY! THE ONE DR. PHIL PHILOSOPHY I  WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO 55 YRS AGO IS: "YOU  'TEACH' PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU".    NOW TO THE 05/08 SHOW--I HAVE THE GREATEST LOVE FOR ALL CHILDREN (AND PEOPLE, TOO)--NO MATTER THEIR GENETIC BUILDUP. I HAVE THE HIGHEST RESPECT FOR CHILDREN AND THEIR INNOCENCE. I LEARNED AN OLD PERSIAN PROVERB A WHILE AGO--"CHILDREN ARE THE BRIDGE TO HEAVEN"--THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE IN.. I HAVE A FEELING FROM ONE OF MY POETRY BOOKS THAT SPEAKS OF MY INNER SOUL, WHEN IT COMES TO CHILDREN(NOT COPYRIGHTED)--"THE VALUE OF THE LOVE IN A YOUNG CHILD'S HEART CAN ONLY BE MEASURED IN THE TEARS OF REGRET". GOD BLESS ALL OF OUR CHILDREN.  the mother in this show SHOULD be brought up on child crueltry--both physical and verbal!!!  if you or i were caught beating an animal or kicking an animal, we could very easily be brought up on animal crueltry charges because ANIMALS have laws protecting THEM. what about our children?!!!! i cry when i think about what i saw and heard on this show. what would the mother do or think if a friend/stranger or her husband(who needs a major parenting and attitude adjustment!) verbally abused her like this or hit her or kicked her liked she did her son? as DR. PHIL  has said--we write uopon the slate of our children's lives by the way we treat/mistreat them. i must quit--i only upset myself each time i hear and see the savage treatment delivered on these defenseless children.  DR. PHIL-PLEASE DO WHATERVER YOU CAN, IN YOUR POWERS, TO HELP THIS FAMILY AND TO CHANGE THESE CHILDREN'S FUTURE. I WOULD LIKE TO CLOSE WITH ANOTHER OF MY FELLINGS FROM MY BOOK--"THE REACH OF A YOUNG CHILD'S LOVE IS ONLY A SMILE AWAY" and let us remember --"SAY (DO) INTO YOUR CHILDREN WHAT YOU WANT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN TO SAY(DO) INTO YOU"--THANX FOR LISTENING--LuvMyKidz_Famly@hotmail.com
 
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July 10, 2006, 10:41 pm PDT

BRATS ARE BUILT!!

I AM A 60 YR OLD "PAPA" AND I HAVE HAD MY SHARE WITH  "BRAT BEHAVIOR FISHING". MY SUCCESS HAS BEEN FROM , INITIALLY, IGNORING THE "FISHING" . WHEN THE RIGHT TIME CAME I MET THE BEHAVIOR HEAD-ON--GIVING MY CHILD 3 CHOICES: 1. STOP THE BEHAVIOR AND NO 30 MIN. DISCUSSIONS ABOUT THE BEHAVIOR WITH DAD, 2. STOP THE BEHAVIOR AND KEEP THEIR FAVORITE TOYS AND PRIVILEGES, AND 3. CONTINUE THE BEHAVIOR AND DAD RUNS HIS "BBD"-BRAT BEHAVIOR DEFENSE (THEY ALL KNEW THE CONSEQUENCES OF BBD). BRAT BEHAVIOR BEGINS WITH THE 1ST TIME THE CHILD SAYS "NO" OR "I WANT". IF PARENTS RECOGNIZE THIS AND REACT DILIGENTLY, "BRATTINESS" WILL NOT ESCALATE. BOTH PARENTS HAVE TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE WITH "BEHAVIORAL RESPONSES" AND REACT IN THE SAME MANNER WITH ADVICE  AND REPERCUSSIONS TO THE CHILD. WE DO NOT GIVE OUR CHILDREN  CREDIT FOR RECOGNIZING, QUICKLY, THE DIFFERENT  RESPONSES OF MOM , COMPARED TO DAD'S. CHILDREN WILL ALWAYS PLAY THE WEAKER PARENT AGAINST THE OTHER TO GET WHAT THEY "WANT". WITH MULTIPLE CHILDREN IN THE FAMILY AND BRATTY, OR  ANY BAD  BEHAVIOR ARISES, THE FAMILY SHOULD ALL GET TOGETHER IN A 15 MIN. MEETING TO DISCUSS THE BEHAVIOR AND THE REPERCUSSIONS OF THAT BEHAVIOR, SO THAT ALL  THE CHILDREN UNDERSTAND WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR AND WHAT IS NOT. AFTER 4-5 MEETINGS, THE CHILDREN WILL ASSOCIATE BEHAVIOR WITH FAMILY MEETINGS-WHICH THEY DON'T LIKE  OR WANT, AND WILL ACT ACCORDINGLY.  NEVER, NEVER, NEVER ALLOW THE CHILD TO SUCCED IN A "NO" OR "I WANT" SITUATION, WHEN YOU-THE PARENT- HAVE MADE A DECISION OR CHOICE FOR HIM. I HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL GRANDBOYS (9 YRS., 4 YRS AND BROTHERS AND ONE  3 MONTHS+). THE BROTHERS EXIBIT BRATTY BEHAVIOR SOMETIMES AND PAPA TALKS TO THEM TO EXPLAIN, 1ST, THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR AND THEN  OFFERING AN ALTERNATIVE BEHAVIOR AND THE REWARDS OF THAT BEHAVIOR.  THAT APPROACH WORKS ON THEM  ABOUT 80-90-% OF THE TIME. THE PROBLEM THEY ARE FACED WITH IS THEIR SINGLE MOM WHO NEEDS AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT OF HER OWN AND  A SEMESTER OF PARENTIN 101. AS DR. PHIL SAYS: "WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US". CHILDREN (FROM 2YRS OLD ) ARE PEOPLE TOO! THEY CATCH ON FAST AND LEARN WHAT WORKS BEST FOR THEIR OWN SELF-INTERESTS. WE, AS PARENTS, HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO OUR CHILDREN TO TEACH THEM  "LIFE'S GOLDEN ROAD" AND EXPLAIN TO THEM  WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM WHEN THEY RUN OFF THAT ROAD. "BRATS" ARE PEOPLE LOOKING FOR VALIDATION. THANX FOR LISTENING. 
 
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July 18, 2006, 1:33 pm PDT

what we sow, we shall also reap

DR PHIL ALL OVER AGAIN--"IF WE TEACH THEM...THEY WILL LEARN".  WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US. IF WE KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN OUR CHILDREN ARE 1 YRS. OLD+, WE WILL TEACH THEM god, love and honesty FOLLOWED WITH RESPECT OF THEIR  PARENTS AND SELF-RESPECT. WE SHOULD TEACH THEM TO BE PROUD OF THEMSELVES WITH EVERY GOOD THING THDY DO--REGARDLESS HOW SMALL OR TRIVIAL. IF WE CAN GET THE TRAIN STARTED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, WE CAN TURN OUR CULTURE AROUND. MAYBE WE CAN CREATE A WORLD WHERE WE CAN LEAVE OUR FRONT DOOR UNLOCKED AND WINDOWS OPEN AT NIGHT AND THE ONLY "F" WORD WE HEAR FROM OUR FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS AND CHILDREN IS "FINE". THIS 60 YR OLD "PAPA" CHALLENGES ALL WHO ARE PESSIMISTIC OR DOUBTFUL THAT IT CAN BE DONE. I AM DOING MY PART--DO YOURS.  THANX FOR LISTENING.
 
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December 25, 2007, 4:24 pm PST

DEFRAUDING MOTHERS-

First of all, "HIRED GUNS" aren't taking 'HIGH PROFILE' cases-JUST-to benefit their client. HIGH-PROFILE HIRED GUNS take HIGH-PROFILE  cases for (1) EXORBITANT attorney fees and (2) the NOTORIETY it brings them.Ask a big-name lawyer, as GLORIA ALLRED, to take a 'HIGH-PROFILE' case for FREE (all her expense) or to take an identical case, such as presented on the DR. PHIL  show today, from an ordinary person, such as you or me, and see what type of response you would get. I strongly feel a lawyer, like GLORIA ALLRED,  would assign our case to one of her "legal aids" to work. In cases of child paternity, i have very strong feelings and concerns for the children. I am a 61 yr. old "PAPA" with 3 beautiful grandsons-a 10 yr. old, a 5 yr. old and a 20 month old. The first 2 have different fathers (only the 10 yr. old's father is in his life due to a 'PATERNITY TEST'). This father pays only "$100 (!)" a month child support( I suppose , based on his income at the time and other family responsibilities-1 child by another relationship). This father DOES share some "quality" time with his 10 yr. old son. My daughter (29 yrs. old) doesn't always spend the support money on her son, so, i know, first-hand, the results of establishing child paternity for support payments.   The one point I'd like to make is that there should be a law governing FALSE PATERNITY    cases with "punishment to fit the case". I feel as in the DR. PHIL cases, the 'MOTHER (!)' should do "JAIL TIME" for defrauding the male 'VICTIM', who took on a relationship/responsibility to provide a "FATHER FIGURE"  and support for the child, even though the child was not biologically his. As to this STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS idea, only lawyers, such as GLORIA ALLRED, would argue for it, specifically when she is representing the 'MOTHER (!)' in the case. Would she take the same "LEGAL (nonsense) POSITION" if she were representing the 'DEFRAUDED MALE' victim?  NOT!!!!!!   If this is all about "doing the right thing", which is 'MY PLATFORM', let's use the "LAW" to benefit the CHILD(-REN)!! Let us 'BE ACCOUNTABLE'   and hold 'THOSE ACCOUNTABLE'  for the 'RIGHT REASONS!' Let us not go after soneone who can afford exorbitant child support payments but go after the 'REAL (!)' father per DNA results.  The aforementioned laws that we should have on "PATERNITY DEFRAUDING", shoul have a clause in them holding the 'MOTHER (!)' "FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE" for all defrauded funds-or face 'JAIL TIME''.       The BOTTOM LINE here is to PROTECT THE CHILD (-REN) first and then PUNISH the person who has done and egregious injustice to the CHILD (-REN) and the system--THANX-1PAPA

 
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December 25, 2007, 5:13 pm PST

I FOUND 1 'MOTHER'

Quote From: takeabreak

In some cases it is not the fault of the women. When my 3rd child was born I had been seperated for quite some time from my now ex husband. When he was born the hospital told me that the only person I could legally put on the birth certificate was my (now) ex husband since we were still legally married. I explained to them that he was NOT the father and that we had been seperated for quite some time but the reply I got was "thats the law, your husband has to be listed on the birth certificate or left blank". I left the space blank because I knew he was not the father and was not going to put someone down that was in no way responsible for the child. The state came in afterwards and tried to sue him for child support. He then had to go to court and fight the matter and pay those expenses plus the price for a paternity test. In my opinion, he should have never been put through all that. From day one I have told everyone (including the state) who the father was and they have yet to go after support etc from him. I will not go after support from him because we are managing fine and would rather not have him in my sons life (because he has addiction problems) but I dont believe anyone should be financially responsible for a child that is not theirs.
I APPLAUD THIS MOTHER FOR DOING "THE RIGHT THING". I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE STATE IN WHICH SHE RESIDES SO I COULD EMAIL THEM TO EXPLAIN  "THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG"   and hopefully one of their legislatures might read these messages and realize what  "A - - ES" they have in their state government.--THANX-1PAPA
 
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December 25, 2007, 5:23 pm PST

BACK TO LAW SCHOOL

Quote From: sharihodges

Your rights are protected under 42 USC 652, under extrinsic fraud.  False Paternity is protected under Federal Law.
MAYBE GLORIA ALLRED NEEDS TO GO BACK TO LAW SCHOOL AND TOUCH UP ON "FEDERAL LAW"-THANX-1PAPA
 
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December 25, 2007, 6:39 pm PST

IOWA BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER

Quote From: takeabreak

I live in Iowa. My son was born 5 years ago so may have changed since but I dont believe it has. I just wonder how many other states are like this.

takeabreak-This is 1PAPA (1FAMLY) and i'm from IOWA, too. BOONE, IOWA-THANX-1PAPA

 
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December 25, 2007, 7:36 pm PST

GIVE DR. PHIL SOME CREDIT

Quote From: no_justice

I have no idea who Carnell Smith or Gloria Allred is, but it sounds like both of them need to do what most judges and attorneys in Chancery Court need to do. (For those who are not familiar with injustice that means they need to get their head out of their crack.) I hope Enrique no longer has to pay child support to a child that is not his biological child. I hope the mother of that child has to return every penny of illegal child support she stole from Enrique. I hope the mother gets the child support her child deserves from the biological father, who should have been paying child support from the very beginning if he is alive and able to do so. Every man that has been paying child support to a child that is not his biological child should sue Gloria Allred and people similar to her to send a message that men who are not the biological father of a child should not have to continue the lie of being the biological father and they should not have to continue paying for a child that is not their biological child. Once a man has discovered that he is not the biological father of a child and he still wants to be a father to that child and pay child support to the child he should be allowed to do so of his own choice and he should be commended for doing an honorable deed. And that child should thank him for it and be grateful that he or she has a man like him in his or her life.

This paragraph is in response to the first 5 messages posted on October 27, 2007 by Princess1, lovthesand1, vixiex, joyklein and archladydi respectively. In some states the child can sue the biological father, after the age of 18 years, and get the child support money he or she did not receive. Be glad the biological father was not in your sons life and stop thanking god and thank your husband for being who he is and hopefully your son is grateful for having a real man in his life. In the real world and in America women do NOT have an advantage over men. Any man who is being "accused" of being the biological father of a child should immediately request a DNA test if he is in doubt. If he does not then he must want to pay child support for a child that is not his biological child. And if a man does not want any children, he can always get a vasectomy and prevent future children he does not want to be responsible for. I agree, fathers are more than a checkbook, but for those who are not fathers they can be good providers and the woman and the mans biological child should be grateful for that at least. If two people want a special bond to remain in tack, they will ignore that lack of biology and continue the love that was meant to be and be grateful for one another. Women do ask for DNA test. If a man truly wants to know if a child is his biological child he will take the DNA test or request it himself. Women who know that a man is not the father and just flat out lie should be legally prosecuted in some way. Maybe not jail, unless it is an absolute last resort, but punishment is definitely in order. And I hope all men falsely accused can some day find peace. Again, a man can request a DNA test and should if he feels he is not the biological father. I, personally, am sick and tired of hearing about the rights of mothers and fathers. I want to hear about the rights of children. No one is fighting for their rights. What do the children want? Who do the children want to live with? When will the children be listened too. The children should go to the parent that is emotionally capable of raising the child in a stable loving environment. If the child is happy where he or she is, leave him or her where he or she is. And the father should not get a free pass from his responsibilities. Lying and dodging responsibility is not acceptable from either biological parent.

I know I will miss a good show that day and I probably will not be able to read any more comments after today, but I wish you all well.

no justice--I would like to agree with you with one exception-I find that DR. PHIL demonstrates the desire to be there for the CHILDREN. I strongly feel  he does what he can for CHILDREN'S RIGHTS.  I'm sure you will agree with me.--THANX-1PAPA
 
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May 16, 2008, 2:35 pm PDT

AN EXTENSION OF THE HAND

I AGREE WITH DISCIPLINE-NOT 'PUNISH'MENT-THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!

 

WITH REGARDS TO TODAY'S SHOW:

ANY EXTENSION OF THE HAND, FROM A 'LEGAL' STANDPOINT, IS AN 'ASSAULT-REGARDLESS OF ANY 'STATE LAW'. ASK DR. PHIL FOR HIS OPINION ABOUT THE 'EXTENSION OF THE HAND' RULE.

 

BY LAW, AN ASSAULT TAKES PLACE WHEN A PERSON 'ATTEMPTS HARM' TO ANOTHER. A 'BATTERY' OCCURS WHEN THAT PERSON MAKES 'CONTACT' WITH THE OTHER PERSON, SUCH AS BEING 'PUNCHED ' IN THE FACE OR KICKED IN THE GROIN, et. al.

 

IF YOU SPANK YOUR CHILD, YOU HAVE COMMITTED AN 'ASSAULT AND BATTERY'-BY LAW.

 

THEORETICALLY SPEAKING, IF A MAN WERE TO 'SPANK' (HIT ON THE BUTT) A WOMAN AS A SEXUAL OR AFFECTION GESTURE, THE WOMAN COULD, BY LAW, HAVE THE MAN ARRESTED FOR 'ASSAULT AND BATTERY'.

 

IN TODAYS SHOW, THE BOY THAT WAS 'PADDLED' IN THE SOUTH CAROLINA SCHOOL FITS THIS VERY CRITERIA. THE SHERIFFS DEPARTMENT THAT WAS CONTACTED HAS A BUNCH OF 'LUNATICS' WATCHING THE STORE. THEIR JOB IS 'TO PROTECT AND SERVE' AND THEY FAILED TO PROTECT AND ABSOLUTELY DIDN'T SERVE IN THIS CASE.

 

IF I WERE THE MOTHER, I WOULD CONTACT 'LEGAL AID', IF SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE MEANS TO HIRE A LAWYER,  AND PURSUE LEGAL AVENUES FOR COMPENSATION, IF ONLY A PUBLISHED APOLOGY IN THE LOCAL PAPER.

 

AS PARENTS, IT IS OUR 'DUTY' TO 'PROTECT AND SERVE' OUR CHILDREN IN ANY WAY, AT ANY COST. THEY ARE OUR FUTURE. WE DON'T NEED A FUTURE OF CHILDREN WHO HAVE MISTRUST FOR OUR LEGAL SYSTEM, OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM, AND A MISTRUST OF PARENTS AND PEERS.

 

I AM A 61 YR. OLD DAD TO 3 GROWN CHILDREN WHO HAVE GIVEN ME 3 WONDERFUL GRANDSONS. ONLY ONE TIME IN MY WHOLE LIFE AS A 'FATHER' HAVE I EVER SPANKED A CHILD OF MINE 'SEVERLY. IT WAS AN OPEN HAND SPANKING ON THE BARE BUTTOCKS OF MY OLDEST SON ,BECAUSE OF A SITUATION THAT WAS  'LIFE ENDANGERING'. I DID NOT SPANK OUT OF ANGER. I SPANKED, OUT OF FEAR, TO REINFORCE MY RULE ABOUT PLAYING WITH FRIENDS AROUND A LAKE THAT HAD LARGE ROCKS AROUND IT INSTEAD OF A BEACH.

 

I WELCOME ANY AND ALL COMMENTS AND THOUGHTS TO THE ABOVE POSTING. I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS WITH ANY AND ALL OF YOU WHO SHARE MY PRINCIPLES.

 

THANX FOR LISTENING. GOD BLESS.

 

ED BASS/  IOWA

 

 

 
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May 16, 2008, 10:25 pm PDT

SPANKING

Quote From: markh877

Ed, by my read, it looks like you're contradicting yourself.

You oppose spanking, yet you yourself admit you are guilty of it.

This is what I mean about spanking, when done appropriately and in a

measured way, not to vent frustrations of the parent or teacher,

does no long term harm to a child, in fact it does the opposite,

helping reasonable parents and teachers impose and enforce limits that

are necessary to a child's future well being and helping make that

child a productive and respectful member of society. Some children

don't need to be spanked, but some do. Effectively banning spanking,

by making the government prosecute parents and teachers, doesn't take into account the complicated nature of different child personalities.

Some children need stronger 'medicine' than others and certain parts of

the body like the buttocks have been effectively designed by God/Nature

to absorb this type of medicine. We should not try to impose yet

unproven standards and methods on everyone ex. banning spanking,

without carefully putting newer methods of discipline through the test of time to prove their long term effectiveness.

 

 

 

AS I SAID IN MY ORIGINAL POST, "ONLY 'ONE' TIME" HAVE I EVER SPANKED MY CHILDREN IN A MANNER TO "HURT" AS TO MY OLDEST SON. I HAVE "SWATTED ON THE BUTTOCKS THROUGH BLUEJEANS AS YOU MIGHT SEE IN A SPORTS SCENARIO FOR A "JOB WELL DONE" TYPE OF SITUATION. THIS I HAVE DONE  "MORE TO GET MY CHILD'S ATTENTION" THAN  A FORM OF PUNISHMENT. IT IS STILL, LEGALLY,  A "SPANK". I DISAGREE WITH YOUR ASSESSMENT OF ME CONTRADICTING MYSELF. MY VIEW OF SPANKING IS WHEN A CHILD GETS "SPANKED" TO A DEGREE OF SCREAMING AND TEARS-WHICH IS, STILL, AN "ASSAULT AND BATTERY".

 

IT IS GOOD THAT WE CAN AGREE TO DISAGREE WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY OR CARRIED AWAY AS IN MANY PARENT/CHILD SPANKING EPISODES.

 

WHEN A CHILD IS DOING SOMETHING WRONG AND YOU SWAT HIM/HER ON THE BUTT, GET THEIR ATTENTION, MAKE "EYE TO EYE" CONTACT AND "EXPLAIN (I REPEAT HERE "EXPLAIN") TO THEM
WHAT" THEY DID WRONG AND "ASK" THEM "WHY" THEY DID WHAT THEY DID, YOU MAKE A "POSITIVE" IMPRESSION BY TEACHING THEM TO "ANALYZE THEIR BEHAVIOR" AND TRY TO "CORRECT" IT INSTEAD OF "BEATING" THEM, OR EVEN SCREAMING AT THEM DURING THE EPISODE.

 

WE MUST SET THE EXAMPLE OF "RECOGNIZE WRONG",  "ADMIT THE WRONG", AND "WORK TO FIX THE WRONG" FOR A MORE POSITIVE RESOLUTION FOR EVERYONE CONCERNED.

 

I WELCOME MORE COMMENTS/ CRITICISM AS I HAVE AN ANALYTICAL AND OPEN MIND.

 

THANX FOR LISTENING. GOD BLESS

 

ED BASS/BOONE IOWA

 

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