Messages By: bigpaulak

Hi,  

My name is Paul and I am one of the people that profiled in this segment. 

I just thought I would post right away and say that I will be watching this thread as closely as I can and trying to answer questions and comments as best I can about the segment and my life for those of you that want to know. 

Please feel free to be as candid or as honest as you want in your questions and comments.   

~Paul 

Few quick notes about it. 

First I am going to use the quote I heard on Oprah recently by Mary J Blige. 

About my mother… “I blame her for NOTHING and I forgive her everything.” 

That’s how I feel.  YES my mother blames herself a lot on the show and I wish she had not.  I am saying NOW that I never blamed my mother.  She is only guilty of loving me and being my mother.  That’s all 

Its not as though my mother brings me truckloads of food on a daily basis despite what you see.  She just only wished to see me happy and she knows that the food I wanted is what made me happy. 

~Paul 

Sadly its about addiction. 

I wish I could say "no" but I don't have that in my mind. 

For me the food has always been more powerful then I have been. 

I don't go shopping or out thinking that I am going to gorge on bad food but somehow food has replaced all my emotions. 

When I feel happy I celebrate with food, sad I comfort with food, angry I cope with food, depressed I pick myself up with food. 

Its a nasty cycle where food has become everything and I was doing everything to get it. 

My mother gave it to me because she loves me and my friends because they care. 

Food has taken over my life and I am on my way to fixing that. 

~Paul 

First let me say that no my story has never been profiled on TV before.  Dr Phil is my first time. 

Also I wish to say that I am only 800 pounds.  Its not a big difference in the long run but at the time of the show we were not able to weigh me and so we guessed.  My mother thought 1000 and I thought 750 and it turns out I was closer. 

As for my addiction to food I really don't know when it started.  I have ONLY just realized through self examination from the show that I really am addicted on a greater level then I thought. 

You ARe right!  If a parent gives a child drugs or alcohol that child would be removed but what parent ever thinks that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich could be just as bad?  You can't stop feeding your child but how many parents know just what is bad and what is good.  In these days of fast food and convience items at the store its hard to tell what is bad and what is healthy. 

Don't discount the children as well.  As a teen I remember sneaking snacks from the kitchen or using my lunch money to buy cakes and cookies rather then something healthy. 

I do think that as a society we are getting fatter and lazier and YES maybe some good parental education is a good thing. 

No one should ever end up a prisoner in their own body. 

~Paul 

For me this is so odd.

I did the taping for this show in November so I have been preparing for it ever since and even now on the eve of the show I am not sure I am ready to share with the whole world.

PLEASE realize that there is a portion of this show that is PURE TV.  Its hard to document 34 years in one half a show so please try to keep in mind that some of this show has been sped up for the benefit of the viewer.

I have been struggling with my weight and food addictions all my life, not just recently as the people who have posted here that know me can attest to. (Special thanks to Wendy, Geri, Tamara, and Kurt)

I still don't blame anyone else for my weight.  I ate every pound you will see on the show and its only recently I have been able to accept and understand that.  My mother blames herself because that’s what mothers do.  I don't blame her and I wish I would have stepped in more on the show and said so.  I will on follow up shows though!

Thank you to EVERYONE that has left kind words for me!

I still struggle every day but with the help of the show I have been working with a wonderful man named Dr Lawlis from the show and a GREAT therapist named Dr Kat from http://www.mytherapynet.com/ as well as one of the NICEST nutritionists I have ever met named Christine from http://www.christinebybee.com/ and we are slowly working toward a healthy lifestyle and lowering the weight.

(Yes I know those were shameless plugs for their sites but they have helped so much I just want to give as much back as I can)

My current goal is to change my life so that I am aware of the reasons my weight is out of control.  I am going to learn how to eat again and deal with the emotional issue that is food addiction.

As I learn to use these tools in my life I will work on getting me down to a safe enough weight that I can handle weight loss surgery.

I know surgery seems drastic but its not JUST surgery. (Not that weight loss surgery is a "quick fix" as anyone that has had it will tell you.) I plan on using the tools that the team is teaching me in conjunction with the surgery. 

I post this now the night before the show and I hope that people will see my story and learn from it and have hope.

It’s taken a LOT to share this part of my life with the world but I knew I couldn't go on like this.  I hope people will see me and understand that I am NOT just some fat guy or some circus sideshow freak.

I am a REAL PERSON and I have hopes and dreams just like anyone else.  I just got lost along the way to finding them and I need a little help finding the path back. 

I am slowly making my way through all the replies.... 

I am so overwhelmed with the aftermath of the show that I have not had time to formulate a reply. 

So far I just want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all the people that wished me well. 

I am sorry that not everyone has been able to understand my story but I didn't expect everyone too.  I thank them for their comments as well.  Seeing every side of a story is sometimes hard and even harsh words are needed sometimes. 

Once I have been able to read all the comments I will be more then willing to share more of my story. 

~Paul 

I have a brother that was very much into competitive body building in his younger days and he was Mr Alaska at one time. 

~Paul 

I can be found at http://www.myspace.com/bigpaulak 

I try and keep it updated with a online journal and information. 

~Paul 

DeeDee, 

I know where you are coming from!  I know becuase I ALSO was just on the Dr Phil show and I had all the same fears and concerns. When you said "I don't want to be one of those people you see on talk shows that they have to knock down walls for" I knew I had to post a message.  I said the EXACT same thing when they came to help me. 

My name is Paul and I was on the show in February (http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/993) and I was close to 1000 pounds and killing myself with food. 

DO NOT GIVE UP!   

You have taken a huge step in seeking help and believe me the show DOES find you the help you need! 

I had a hard time taking the help in the begining but I knew that if I did nothing I would die in my bed. 

PLEASE contact me!  I am more then willing to talk and listen and I KNOW where you are and what you are feeling! 

You can email me at Knghtshade@yahoo.com

PLEASE don't give up!  I have been working hard with an EXCELLENT nutritionist (you can find her at  http://www.christinebybee.com/ and she is a god send) and therapist (from http://www.mytherapynet.com/) and I am finally on a path to good health! 

There are people out there like me that see your story and are helped in the process.  I hear from them everyday and they keep me going. 

~Paul

HEY there MaLynn! 

My name is Paul and I was on the show in February (http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/993) and I just wanted to send you a BIG hug and offer any help or advice I can. 

I know that you are going to be overwhelmed in the first few weeks with friends and people out of NO where sending good wishes so don't get too lost in the hype. 

I know what you are going through and I know that you have a hard road ahead but if I can give any help PLEASE contact me at Knghtshade@yahoo.com

I keep a blog there about my progress and am always available. 

I know it will be hard but you can do it...I know because I am doing it and its not easy, but SO worth it! 

~Paul