Messages By: airose05

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November 9, 2005, 1:04 pm PST

I hope this is right

      My friend went to a party on Saterday with me.  She had invited a friend she had been chatting with for a while. She liked him, but never had met him.  I became mad at the party when I met him because she had never met him, but truely believes she likes him. My friend is 13, this guy it 18.  Without my knowledge, she went off with this boy.  She went and got into his car and drove around for the time of the party.   

     My brother works at Wegmans and this guy had too.  It turns out that he is a sexual preditor and has 56 charges against him ONLY from working at Wegmans.  He could have more from other ocations.  

     I tried talking with my friend in school.  She wouldn't even listen to me.  She didn't care what he had done.  I went down to the principle's office and I talked with my priciple and she told me that I did the right thing.  But now that I am thinking about it, I don't know.  She is so pissed at me that she won't even look at me.  I know that it is better for her to be safe and mad than raped or killed, but I am not sure.  

     It doesn't help that my mother had told me Saterday not to call or talk to anyone in school about it.  My mom didn't want me to loose a friend.    

   ~Anyone have any advise they can give me?~  

 
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November 9, 2005, 1:25 pm PST

How do I GET help????

I am 14 years old and I have been diagnosed with Severe Depression, as well as so many other things.  But the problem now is getting help.  My mom believes I am perfectly fine and am not depressed at all, but my depression is just getting worst.  I used to cut myself, my mom found out and child servises was called because of her reaction to me cutting.  I am now afraid of starting to cut again because of my depression which is starting to seep back into my life.  I have asked my mom for therapy, she said she would set up an apointment and she hasn't.  It's been like 2 weeks, when I had therapy the first day when she found out about me cutting.  Now I need to know...how can I explain to my mom that I need help without her freeking out????
 
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November 12, 2005, 12:01 pm PST

It's going to get better!

Quote From: labelfree

Wow I am very proud of you for seeking out help!  Please dont cut anymore ok....First there is a depression board here on the Dr. Phil site and you can post and dump your feelings out there 24/7. 

  

Although we are not professional Dr's  some of us  Me included have had a daughter who was a cutter and I can tell you first hand the pain a family member feels when someone you love more than life itself inflicts pain on themselves......HELPLESS  I would do anything for my kid  anything and growing up she knew this too...Maybe there is just somethings that are just too hard you cant say to your Mom face to face.... 

  

My suggetion is  write her a long letter and tell her evrything that is going on inside you.  My goodness this woman gave you life.  STOP HURTING YOURSELF.....The tempory fix  may someday cause you infection or even worse...You might slip and cut a main artery and you could kill yourself.....I am not just saying that to scare you either.... 

  

I really truly do care.....My mom is going to have surgery and I am going off to Phildelha  and I will be off for a few days....go on the depression board...Ill catch up with you on Saturday.....GOOD  Vibes  and  write that letter QUICK and think about me ok?    xoxoxo 

I am not going to cut any longer.  I have talked with my mom.  I talked to her about everything and she understands.  I am going into therapy and going to get help now.  I explained to her that my father had mulested me in Texas at age 7.  She understands everything and she is helping me the best she can.  I feel realeased from pressure from keeping the stuff in from what my father did to me!
 
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November 12, 2005, 12:07 pm PST

Now 11/12/05

Quote From: shortylock

Hi I just read ur post and it sadens me that ur friend dose not see how much you care about her. And in ur post you said that she is mad and will not talk or look at you. I am sorry but I agree I rather her be mad and not talk too you for a while then be raped or killed. I was raped and I can tell you ur friend is VERY VERY lucky nothing did happen. But please make sure make her look you in the eyes and tell you nothin ever happend. If she can not or seems too unease when she talks then you will know something did happen. She and you have ur whole lives ahead of yourselves and if she can't see that you care then she is no friend at all. I am glad you posted in here and I hope everything works out? feel free too check out my profile in here and hope too hear from you soon Bye for now Shorty/Tina 

I also know how it feels.  My father mulested me when I was 7 and that could be another reason I am so worried about her.  Nothing happened with her, she didn't get hurt or anything.  I would think that she would say no to going out with him if something had happened.  But I can do no more to help her and the rest is up to her.  I will be there if she would like to talk, but I can't do any more than that...............!
 
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November 13, 2005, 8:33 am PST

Dealing NOW

Quote From: labelfree

You sure are brave.....I was molested also/  but it was by my brother...My Father tried to inappropriately touch me and I pushed him off me...Dr. Phil wrote an exellent book called Life Stragies and I even went to Therapie and it helped me out so much this summer..What also helped me was working from the inside out and journaling here. 

  

If you want to share that is good if not you can keep it private nobody will intrude on your words.  It is a safe place to dump them you know.... 

  

I am proud of you for talking with your MOM.  I am also very proud you are no longer cutting! 

  

  

Wow!  You are so proud of me, but then you don't know me...confusing.  Yeah I'll talk about it.  I am going to go to therapy as soon as my mom can set it up.  And I haven't been dealing with it for the last 7 years.  Just this last year is when I have been dealing with it.  The rest has been denial...it's much easyer to denie what you don't know than to deal.  I knew it was something that was not good, but not untill sixth grade I started to know who messed up, and that it wasn't something I did wrong.  Now I have to make a desision!  Should I take him to court and help my 2 step sisters????
 
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November 14, 2005, 1:32 pm PST

~Answers~

Quote From: labelfree

How old are you?  Yes I am VERY VERY proud of you!This is a VERY difficult thing you will have to face but you have already concoured 3/4 of it knowing ITS not your fault  NONE OF IT!  The rest is alot of soul searching and internal repair work that is going to be hard.  I know you can do it!  Did you start using drugs?  Did you drink ?  To cover yukie feelings?  That's what I did...The moment I was brave enough to say NO the next day I started smoking pot and drinking.... 

  

Its a long road to cover up and its a long road to get off the crap to once you start so if you never did PLEASE dont... 

  

Its really really really good your MOM was there for you  and she is talking with you....Were your sister's molested too? Are they younger?  Do they need your voice?  Do you need to do this for yourself...DO NOT allow ANYONE ANYONE to influnence you ANYWAY  REACH INSIDE YOURSELF and say...Did he rob you?  What happens to people who rob? where do they go? 

  

Dont allow the guilt card to be pulled on you either.  My father Molested my sister  because he was abused and she kept silent and still does and boy does she suffer in her silence.  I paid my dues in therapy...in phychwards  in drug rehabs  I am thru....I now know me...I do not live in lala land...I can look at myself in the mirror and I know my truth...and soon so will you! 

~I am 14 years old.   

~No, I have not and will not use drugs and alcohole to cover my feelings.  I refuse to become my father.  I have only cut myself to get my mind off the feelings for a short time.   

~I don't know if my step sisters were molested.   

~Right now they are 15 and 13....I think.  I haven't seen my family in 7 years so I am not sure to be honest.   

~If they were, I hope my voice will help them get out of the hell that I once lived.   

~Those who rob go to jail.  And if you believe in God, they go to hell, just as they have been creating for others.  

~And I was molested when I was 7 and I refuse to be in the silent dealth for any longer!  I hope that therapy will help me as it did you! 

 
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November 14, 2005, 3:18 pm PST

How I Got Help

Quote From: labelfree

You sound so strong!  Where have you been for 7 years?  I wish this NEVER happened to you just as with me..Good about the refusal  good for you!  Your a fighter! 

  

No more cutting either because in my op/ that is self abuse...Kind of picking up where the "abuser left off abuse the self is not "godly" and you kid are perfect!  Your 14 and I am 41 Isnt that weird!  Sometimes i act 14  My sonny baby William is 14 soon to be 15.  We live in NJ. 

  

That boy is my Heart!  shhhh dont tell...i love all my kids the same  I love all my kids the same  hahah  If you ask any one of them they will tell you the same thing!  Momma tells each of us "were her favorite!" 

  

I hope your step sisters WERE NOT molested... 

  

I am proud of you..Since i asked you so many questions it is only fair...Do you have any for me...? 

  

You can ask me anything... 

  

Have a good night and remember NO CUTTING! 

I don't really have any questions.  I am not strong at times.  I have tried giving up so many times.  I have so many doughts about what tomorrow will bring and how I will be able to get threw the next obsticle in life.  I sometimes question myself so much and just give up and then find the answer I was looking for all along.   

~I understand where you get the self abuse is just continueing from where my father left off.  But for me it didn't really feel that way.  It made me stop thinking about all of the abuse from my past and to deal with what I had been feeling.  Even though it wasn't being delt with I was just putting a blanket over it and hiding it from others.  But now the blanket is gone and I can start to heal with all by my side!!!! 

Oh...I moved from Texas to PA when I turned 8 with my mom.  I have been trying to hide all the abuse that my father has done to me.   Last year and this year was my breaking point.  Unable to hide my problem even under the heavy blanket! 

  

And,  I can't promise to you that there will be no more cutting.  I can only say that I will get help before it gets to that point again.  And I will only promise myself that I won't allow a blanket to cover my thoughts, no matter how thin..... 

  

Hope you understand that,, 

Airose 

 
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November 14, 2005, 4:43 pm PST

How I Got Help

Quote From: labelfree

You are in control of you...Sound great...I live in NJ...My Mother and Brother live in NJ however right on the Pa border... 

  

If you dont mind me asking...Believe you me I saw it all out my eyes too from emotional, Physical,  spirtual...animal tort..How did your dad get away with it for so long..Was your Mom right there too? 

No,  my parents had gotten divorsed and it was my dad's week.  They were just moving into a new home.  I had been sleeping on some shelfs that we had moved into the house already.  Yeah I know sleeping on shelfs sounds wierd, but I was 7.  I thought it was cool.   Anyways, all I remember is him coming into the room grabbing my wrists and pulling me to the floor.  I remember trying to fight and scream and cry, but all I tried to do made him hurt me more so I just let it happen.  I remember him whispering something into my ear, but I don't exactly remeber what, just the feeling I got from it.  NOT GOOD!!!  He left the room and all I remember next was seeing blood.  Not knowing from what.  Again I was 7.  I didn't know what to think, if it was my fault, if I did something worng or what!!!   I just knew something wasn't right! 
 
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November 15, 2005, 1:29 pm PST

WOW

Quote From: labelfree

I too remember  I was the youngest of four children.  My brother being 5 years older than me.  I was the invisable kid The forgotten child.  i used to dig in my backyard holes with spoons wishing I could dig straight to Cina and play with the Children with the slanted eyes.  To escape the screaming and yelling that went on in my house.  So much all the time..All I ever wanted was peace.  So much noise.  I was upstairs in my parents capcod house  all four kids upstairs in one room.  There was playboy books and other naughty type magazines around the toliet bowl.  Why didnt MY MOTHER take them and put them away?  Away from 4 innocent childrens eyes?  Upstairs was a mess.  Cloths  all around.  just a mess..Not dirty clothes  just piles of  un sorted mess. 

  

I always got hand me down hand me down clothes. Now that is pretty bad and it wasnt like they were even poor I was just not wanted and that girl is just the plain facts but I am no longer a vitim of that and that's okay with me today...So also in that messy room there were tapes of a sexual nature of woman and my therapist said this was some form of sexual abuse too. 

  

When you are raised in this it is hard to defierinciate as to what is and what is not abuse. 

It has been quite a long road for me.  I am now looking for happiness.  My brother when I was five asked me if I wanted to play with him...Wow I thought.  He want's to play with me..Then he pulled my Pj's off and put my panties to the side and began to vilantly pump me.. 

  

I had the same feeling's you had....NOT GOOD...I left the room went into the bathroom...I saw the reddest blood roll down my right thigh..  I didnt know what to think  EITHER!  I knew it was wrong..What did I just do?  I didnt do anything...It was done to me...That day I started to break off.. 

  

This animalistic behaviour went on 3x aweek until I enetered 6th where I put an end to it...That is when i started to drink and smoke and smoke pot...Welcome to MY WORLD of my Blanket! 

WOW!!!  That's horrible.  I am really glad that you are out of the drugs and alcohole.  I am just wondering...how did you get it to stop?  How in 6th grade still a young person, how can you control that?   

  

I also don't know what is abuse from my living experiances.  I have an idea, but not really sure.  I didn't know untill resontaly that my dad feeling my breasts was wrong and I am 14.  I thought it was apart of life and thought absolutely nothing of it! 

  

I think it can be very had to deal with these kinds of abuses, but as long as you don't give up, it can always get better! 

 
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November 15, 2005, 7:44 pm PST

How I Got Help

Quote From: labelfree

Downstairs in the basement at the washer machine when he put his hands down my pants and I was aware and it felt DISGUSTING for the first time ever I backed away and said as he was feeling my HAIR BETWEEN HIS FINGERS NO!  That's how I got the sexual abuse to stop..The pot and the booze that's a whole different long drawn out story....a different big load of BS.  A big coping skill bunch of BS that only works for a short time...Like Dr. Phil talks about in his book LIFE STRAGIES  We have both Internal and external dialigoe going on...We also have continuel tapes running.....Booze  Drugs  and smoking  ciggerettes are drugs too kid..Anything that pollutes your temple...your body is your temple from a higher source  I do hope you know how precious and how worthy and how special you are ok...That is why I tell you not to cut,  GOD knew ever single hair on your head before you were born....Its in the Bible..You have a special purpose for being here! 

  

My Father Did the same thing to me and also tried to FRENCH kiss me and THAT my friend is just disgusting...He did worse to my older sister however she sits in her silence all these years and well....That is her issues  she say's well he is dead now....well....I can only lead by example  I am the one though that has the labels  she is the one who is the  well it doesnt mmatter because I love her and that is all that matters.  Love at the end of the day IS AND DOES concoure all. 

Hopefully eventually I will read Dr. Phil's book.  I am very proud of how you handeled the abuse, although you started drugs, you took the right step to say "NO."   I don't know anymore what to say.  If you understand that what happened to you was not your fault, there is no more that I can do.   

  

~~Everyday that is lived will become easyer over time!~~ 

 

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