Messages By: tamann

I don't think you have the awareness of how this has impacted you. You have been put in an adult position when you are not an adult. I don't know how long ago she put you in the position of being her caretaker and how long you have been out of school. There is a part of your life that you have robbed of. I am sure that living in this enviroment for so long you probably have become used to it and think this is normal. I am sad that you feel that you need to defend yourself on this message board. Good luck!

You must be living on another planet. Go to Best Buy and see how much they charge to hang a plasma tv. The last time we inquired about it the cost was at least 1000.00. Good luck finding anyone to come to your house for 50 bucks. Wishful thinking!

I think this is tragic and I can relate . I can not imagine having the health challenges that Andrea has right now. I am sure this relationship has had problems for many years before all of this. My mother is very controlling and manipulative. She used money as well to do this. I had left home at the age of 18 and moved back to her house for a short time to work 80 hours a week to earn money so I could go to school. I was grateful that I didn't have to pay rent or it would have taken me much longer to get into school. She did contribute 3000.00 so I could get there sooner. I worked the entire time I went to school and this was the only money I received from her. It would have been better off had I earned the complete amount because that was the most expensive 3000.00 I ever received. She used that over me I can't tell you how often. I don't think I was 'owed' anything. I have a 7 year old now and I would definitely help her so she could empower herself and not have to rely on anyone to take care of herself She also uses money to control my brother. My brother has been crippled by her. It is really an unhealthy situation. Not enough space to put in here and really robs me of my power to focus on it. I have chosen not to have her in my life now. For today this has been the best thing for me to take care of myself. I was always seeking acceptance from her and never receiving it. I could never measure up in her eyes. I know now that is not about me but 'her stuff'. It has been a painful year for me of anger and grieving this relationship and the fantasy relationship that I wished I had instead of the one I had in reality. I don't know what tomorrow holds and it doesn't really matter.  I really hope Andrea gets some peace and is able to get the support and love that she needs at this time. I hope Dr Phil assists her getting that support.(I am sure he will) I used to think How could my mother do this to me? I would never do that to my daughter. Well the reason is 'that I am not my mother' so i do things differently. I feel comfort that I am doing it differently. I am happy that I have the tools and resources outside of myself.

I just looked at the website and it is 349 plus tax and that is dependent on the size of the television( and it said on a new tv on the website) . I based the price on a quote from 4 years ago when we purchased our tv. Anyhow I wish I had a handyman around like yours.. That is so so cheap!!!

I was stunned at the quote they gave us too. This was a price best buy gave us 4 years ago and we decided to pass it up. You can only imagine what the plasma cost then too. Prices have really come down. You can look up on Best Buy website now and see what the cost is. Our plasma is a 50 inch. Anyhow this is all really besides the point To have someone at your beck and call whenever you want anything done costs more than 50 bucks. There really is a trade off in that situation. I am sure the husband had resentment about the situation. I wouldn't want to have to attend to someone at the drop off a hat but that is what boundaries are about. I personally would not choose to live in that situation and work my butt off to get out of it as soon as possible if I had to be. I don't know what the daughters relationship was with her mother before the husband came into the picture. She looked very young so I was surprised that she had heart attacks and cancer. Also that she has 3 children. I don't know what that would be like either since I didn't have my child until I was 37. Anyhow this is a reminder to be grateful for my health and the relationships that I have developed that are healthy supportive and loving. I have heard comments like "Oh you will be sorry when your mother dies and you don't have her". I think that is very shaming to say. ( but I don't think people have the awareness to know that ) I compromised myself for so long to try to be in her life or get along. I don't connect with that because the way the relationship was. People shouldn't have to put up with abusive relationships.

Being defensive is a huge red flag. I believe the ex wife and that there were numerous encounters. Catching that email is like the tip of an iceberg. There is more beneath the water. ( I mean come on.. the only email evidence was the only time it happened???? ) They have a lot of work to do. If the husbands in this show really want to salvage these marriages they will have to really work on it. I agree with Dr Phil about the short leash. No one wants to be the gatekeeper. That is a painful place to be in.