From one woman who was told she would never have children, I send you my thoughts and prayers.
I was told after 3rd miscarraige I would likely have problems, but just go home and drink a beer, it would be ok. (gotta love small town docs!) I got pregnant the very next month! Had problems however keeping her in, however. We were blessed with a beautiful girl in 2000. We started trying for a brother or sister for her a year later. Remembering the heart ache and trouble it had been to try to the first time, we thought to try early. After 6 months, I grew tired of my doctor telling me I needed to relax and drink more beer. I coerced him into getting me a referal to a specialist over an hour away. It was trhough him I was diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis. We did clomid for a year (a very long year) and when it was all said and done, it was a year with three more miscarraiges. Very hard year. And I felt like all of the drugs, and worry I had lost part of my daughters childhood. The guilt was huge! The next month we found out we were pregnant. A month after we had all but given up hope. The doctor and I had talked about the next step in the drug regimine. We talked about IVF, we talked about forcing menopause and bringing me out of it. We had a surgery where he "cleaned" me out. It was a hard year. The pregnancy was nothing short of a miracle. At 10 weeks we lost our little miracle.
I switched meds to glucophage. For the first time in 8 years, I lost weight. My face cleared up. I felt better. My hormones were not going wacky. And I felt like a better mom. That's when we were blessed with miracle baby #2. Our son was born in 04, and we were all so happy for this little miracle that my doctor admitted he was glad to see.
In Jan of '05 I felt like I had the stomach flu. Guess what? Miracle #3 showed up after I was 8.5 weeks a long. She was the easiest pregnancy. Go figure! All those years of treatments, and waiting, and crying because it didn't happen. She sneeked in, and has changed our lives for the better.
Life if so strange. A very close friend of mine cannot have kids, but after years of IVF and tears, she is adopting two beautiful children. We took the journey of infertility together, and for both of us it seems to have worked out.
I remember the fear, the frustration, the sadness, the disappointment, the trials, the heartache, and the thought of being alone in this journey. I felt broken, and like I was unable to do what any other woman could do. I was not normal. My co-workers didn't understand, and most people were generally cruel about my inabliity to concieve. I only hope this has not happened to you. I was lucky enough to have my friend and husband with me.
My thoughts and prayers to all of you. You are not alone. If you ever need to talk, just reach out. I wish you all the best on this long hard road.
