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Messages By: davewriter

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March 5, 2006, 3:02 pm CST

I agree with you up until this point...

Quote From: knkansas

Every parent has their own ideas how to raise a child & how not to. I can tell you I learned from my parents just as they learned from theirs & so on. The process is 'usually' past down through the generations. Now this can be a good thing at the same time I believe it can be a bad thing. My parents were what I would call firm. If they said it, they meant it. There was no whining until you got your way. There was no throwing a fit. There was no getting out of being grounded for a week. If they said a week then it was a week, not a day or two ... a full week! Unless ofcourse you questioned their decision, then it may go to two or three and so on. There were five of us children, all 9 months and 30 minutes apart in age, so there was no 'grey' area. Everything we were told was very black or white. I recall very few spankings for any of us. There was no need for that, we knew what was expected and we did it ... for the most part. 

I raised both my daughters the same way. When I made a statement as to what the punishment would be if a certain behavior occured ... guess what, I followed through with it to the letter. Yes, there were times when they pushed the limits and I may have been busy talking on the phone or entertaining dinner guests or doing yard work. It would have been very easy to 'let this one slide' but I knew that would be setting myself up for failure as a parent.  

Children are much smarter than we as parents give them credit for. It only takes a couple of false threats to show them they can manipulate you. Once they figure that out, you've lost. Score is now: Child: 1 Parent: 0 

It is my opinion that the biggest mistake parents make is trying to be a friend and a parent. Forget that plan! You can not be both until the child reaches about 22 years of age. I can honestly say that during the childhood and teen years, I was NOT their best friend and for that I am proud. Their BEST FRIEND during those years was probably the kid that was going to get them into trouble, had they not had a firm mother. I am equally proud to say that I am now their BEST FRIEND and they both call me dialy to just talk about their day and often ask for advice and even recipes. 

The best advice I have ever given to a new parent is this: Don't allow your kid to be the one that your friends look out the window when you pull into the driveway and say  "Oh damn, they have that kid with them."   

Make a statement and follow through with it until the end. If you do that, you will be sending this same message someday! 

  

Where you said, "It is my opinion that the biggest mistake parents make is trying to be a friend and a parent."  In my opinion, being BOTH a parent and a friend is actually a good idea for when your child is a pre-teen and teenager.  There is one thing though: there has to be a BALANCE between the two, 50-50!  You can't go all out and be the big bad firm mother all the time, setting up as many rules as a forest would have trees.  You can only keep the leash so tight, or else they will try to find some way to break loose. 

  

On the other hand, you can't be too much of a friend, either.  It's one thing if you have a long list of things to do together, and want to spend lots of quality time with your kids.  That's a plus, and is recommended.  It's quite another if (gasp!) they start calling you by your FIRST NAME (in which case, I'd get my kids to a psychotherapist.)  You can only so far with the "friend" thing.  Prince Charles tried this with his sons, and I read in the Enquirer a few years ago that William was living a partying lifestyle at his young age, while Harry was in the tabloids around 2003 for smoking pot.  Of course, it didn't help matters that Charles was also overly preoccupied with his now new wife, Camilla Parker-Bowles, and getting her accepted by the rest of the UK, should he become king.  (Is this someone you'd trust on the English throne?)  Putting significant others before your children is never a good idea. 

  

So, it's perfectly OK to be both a parent and a friend to your children, just so long as you be smart about it, and not go off the deep end.  Something to think about. 

 
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March 6, 2006, 9:05 am CST

A column about homeschooling

Hi everyone!  So I just finished reading this great column online, that appeared in today's "Winnipeg Sun."  It's by a writer named Lydia Lovric, and it discusses the benefits of homeschooling.  It made me think of Mike and his wife and their son from this Dr. Phil episode.  And all you other naysayers of homeschooling should take a gander and this.  It may provide some insight. 

  

Homeschooling has its benefits 

 

By Lydia Lovric 

  

To homeschool or not to homeschool. That is the question. OK, it’s not a question I have to answer any time soon. But before we know it, Delaney will be old enough to go to school and we’ll have to decide whether she serves her detentions here or in a formal school setting.  

  

Unlike tofu, homeschooling is a movement that continues to grow in popularity. Our neighbours to the south are seeing a 15% to 20% increase in the number of kids being homeschooled each year since 2001. Canadian parents are also jumping on the homeschool bandwagon. But is homeschooling really best for children?  

  

As a stay-at-home mom who only works part, part-time, there isn’t enough money for private school. Even if there were, we’re not sure that’s the best option.  

  

Unfortunately, we don’t have much confidence in the public school system (which — for those who failed math class — is a whole lot cheaper than private school).  

  

Looking back at my elementary school years, I would venture to guess that half my time was spent colouring something or other. Now that might be a noble pursuit if I planned on being the next Picasso, but for most kids, it’s overkill. I don’t know if the school boards have some kind of deal going with Crayola, but no kid needs to spend that much time doodling.  

  

Another big problem with the public system is that teachers are forced to teach to the lowest common denominator. That leaves the brighter kids twiddling their thumbs, looking for new and interesting ways to express their boredom. Any love of learning will be quickly extinguished.  

  

Finally, there’s the matter of bullying. When I was a kid, bullying consisted of taunts for the most part. Once in awhile, there was pushing or shoving capped off with the occasional playground brawl for good measure.  

  

Bullying today takes on a whole new meaning. Littleton, Colo., Taber, Alta., Reena Virk. It’s enough to make a parent throw on a pair of penny loafers and begin teaching their kids at home.  

  

But will homeschooling turn kids into freaks? That seems to be the main concern of many parents.  

  

Even if I could remember what a hypotenuse is, will I be able to nurture the necessary social skills in my offspring so that they will one day be able to cope in the real world? In a word, yes.  

  

In a 1992 blind study of homeschooled kids versus their conventionally schooled counterparts, psychotherapist Dr. Larry Shyers concludes that homeschooled kids have significantly fewer problem behaviours.  

  

A more recent study (2003) by Dr. Brian Ray finds that children who are homeschooled get more enjoyment from life.  

  

Yet another study (by Thomas Smedley) suggests that homeschooled kids are more mature and better socialized than public school children.  

  

“In the public school system, children are socialized horizontally, and temporarily, into conformity with their immediate peers,” maintains Smedley. “Home educators seek to socialize their children vertically, toward responsibility, service, and adulthood, with an eye on eternity.”  

  

As for academic success, research indicates there’s no place like home.  

  

Homeschooled kids score, on average, 80 points higher on their SATs compared with students in public school and 70 points higher than private school students, according to Columbia University.  

  

It’s hard to argue with stats like these.  

  

Better brush up on my Pythagorean Theorem.  

  

http://www.winnipegsun.com/News/Columnists/Lovric_Lydia/2006/03/06/1474690.html 

 
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March 9, 2006, 10:22 am CST

About celebrities and Paparazzi

Okay, I have read enough messages attacking the paparazzi, and I just have to put in my $0.02. 

  

The reason why we get caught up with celebrities' lives, rather than what's going on in the world, is because most people find the news situation at current to be depressing.  I used to hear this from some friends and family, and I wanted to say, "That's no excuse to not keep tabs with what's going on in the world."  But now, with the situation in Iraq, the terrorist threats and activities around the world (do London and Madrid ring a bell for anyone here?) and all the murders and arson, etc in our big cities, (the City of Winnipeg, Manitoba, not far from where I live, started Operation Clean Sweep a few months ago to clean up crime, and many people say it's not working) I'm starting to see what they mean.  It was only a few months ago that the people of my country were venting their anger towards murder mistress Karla Homolka once again.  And then there's all the mud slinging in politics, another spat between the USA and any other country.  Need I go on?  I could be typing through next weekend. 

  

Tell me, would you rather read about all that in a newspaper, or about the new love in Bruce Willis' life, or about Madonna and Guy Ritchie in attendance at Donna Karan's latest fashion show, etc, in the tabloid magazines?  Which is more distrubing to you?  I apply this same theory to another "disturbing" trend - the continuous popularity of reality TV. 

  

Now, if I were a famous actor, model, singer, etc, I would be all willing to let the paparazzi take pictures of me and my family - but I'd have to be careful about what I do and wear.  It's not like attacking them and plotting their murder is going to solve the problem.  Just give them what they want, and they'll go away when they're done.  Hell, I could advise them to go out and get a real job, but they'd convince me that serving the public by doing what they do IS their job.  Well, if my picture is going to earn them lots of bread, then why not go along with it?  Even a paparazzo's got to eat.  And maybe some members of this group have wives and children of their own to support.  Did any of you ever think of that? 

  

And not only that, but if the paparazzi asked me anything about my activities, I'd give them straight answers, even if it means STABBING OTHER CELEBRITIES IN THEIR BACKS!!!!!  "Absolutely not, I may have danced up a storm with Reese Witherspoon, but in no way am I plotting to steal her away from Ryan Phillipee."  "Yes, I had those Madden twins from Good Charlotte in a headlock.  I've had it with them saying their so punk, when I have more punk in my hangnail than they do in their latest album, and trying to use this 'charm' to steal MY date!"  And it's worth a few smiles to see quotes like the latter in the tabloids, to expose any celebrity I despise and clash with - and that's another piece of advice I'd give the "fresh meat" - that they WILL be dealing with situations like this.  Talk about using a sleazy situation to your advantage.   

  

I'll bet you a million dollars that there are several "paparazzi whores" who will act this way in Hollywood.  I would tend to be among that group. 

  

Yes, as you can tell by those last paragraph, I would be willing to sign away my privacy just to keep the "wolves" at bay.  It would be the exact advice I'd give any aspiring celebrity.  "Be prepared to give up your private life, because once you become famous, you are officially fair game for the tabloids."  With certain lifestyles come certain sacrifices, and I'm sure everyone in Hollywood or the all-powerful music industry is aware of that, yet it seems they are all afraid to admit it, thus explains why the have to shield themselves in hats and sunglasses and seven layers of fashionable clothing.   

  

It is so tempting  to say, "I am so sick and tired of people who say they cherish their privacy so highly?"  Really?  Then I would advise against becoming a famous celebrity.  Seriously, get yourself a nine-to-five job behind a desk with a computer in an air-conditioned office if you can't bear to have people invading in your private life - and keep your office door closed expect to go to meetings, lunch and the bathroom. 

  

As for our obsession with celebrities, as long as the local, national and international news we deal with continues to be depressing, we will continue to be interested in what's going on in the lives of our fave celebrities, just to make ourselves feel better - and continue to watch Survivor, the Amazing Race and American Idol. 

 
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March 17, 2006, 11:40 pm CST

Where are the grandparents

Quote From: akalvig

My sister has three children, ages 5, 7 and 8.  I have one, and she is four and a half years old.  My sister is married and I am a single parent. 

  

My sister watches my daughter while I teach at a nearby university.  For as long as her five-year-old daughter and my daughter have been able to move on their own, her daughter has always hurt mine.  Initially, I assumed kids will be kids, but, over the past few months, my niece has seriously hurt my daughter on separate occasions. 

  

The first incident occurred just before Christmas.  My daughter and niece were told to sit quietly and read together.  My daughter was obeying, while my niece wanted to play.  My daughter wouldn't disobey, so my niece hit her over the head with a book.  My daughter, then, hit my niece over the head with a book, then tried to run away, because she knows that my niece is more violent than she is. 

  

My niece grabbed my daughter by the head and pushed my daughter's face into a wall.  My daughter suffered a broken nose, torn skin inside her mouth, among several minor injuries.  I had to take my daughter to the emergency room because of it.  My niece accompanied me to the hospital, and told the ER nurse and doctor that she had caused the injuries. 

  

My daughter comes home with bruises, hurt feelings and a broken heart more times than I care to count. 

  

On Valentine's Day, less than two months after the broken nose, as I was picking my daughter up from my sister's house, I found my daughter lying on the floor crying.  My niece was sitting on her father's lap, and he explained that he had just pulled his daughter off of mine, and that they were fighting. 

  

My daughter complained that her arm hurt really badly, so I took a look and discovered that my niece had bitten her, through the skin.  I regret that I didn't take my daughter to the emergency room this time, rather, I cleaned the wound at home.  I did, however, take photos of the injury. 

  

When I told my brother-in-law that my niece had bitten my daughter, he looked at my daughter's arm then said, "Gee, you can't go around doing that." to my niece.  That was all the reprimand I saw her receive. 

  

I highly doubt that my brother-in-law does much more than that kind of discipline.  My sister is too self-absorbed to discipline her children, too.  Like the mother on this episode, my sister wants to be the f un mom... but... to a horrid fault, as she ends up hogging the toys and games and the kids complain. 

  

Of course, my daughter's relationship with my niece is over, as is my relationship with my sister.  I've tried to talk with my sister about my  niece, but, to no avail.  I can barely get my point across without her shouting at me or hanging up on me. 

  

My concern, of course, is for my niece.  Prior to watching this show, I found myself trying to research violent children, in order to find ways that I could suggest to my sister that she seek help for my niece.  Of course, I was never able to get those words in, because my sister was too angry about the situation.  I'm pretty sure she thinks this is a kids being kids thing.  I don't think that at all. 

  

My sister even so much as called the police and told them that she was afraid I would retaliate.  I never raised my voice to my sister, let alone threaten her.  I tried to be rational with her, and she wouldn't give me that opportunity to be rational.  This is typical behavior from her.  She never once asked me why I was so concerned about this.  My daughter will be fine, because I've worked with her and explained to her that her cousin is not feeling well, and that we should try to understand her illness, rather than to try to fight her.  My daughter said she no longer wanted to play with her cousin.  I said that was alright for now. 

  

The bottom line here is that my sister is suffering from several psychological disorders, and is in total denial that her child and she have serious problems. 

  

Whereas I agree that parents should be allowed to raise their children as they deem fit, I also see that in some instances, outside involvement is necessary. 

  

I would feel better about the situation, if like Sydney, my niece showed remorse or any kind of empathy, but she never does.  She's very cold about it.  She doesn't care... and it's quite obvious.  The only time this child cries or feels badly is when she is scared or when she, herself, is hurt.   

  

It scares me... and I don't know what else to do. 

  

Any suggestions?? 

  

Amy 

  

  

  

  

Hi Amy, this is David. 

  

I'm sorry that you're having these problems with your sister.  My question is, where are your parents?  Nowhere in your message do you mention them.  You really should get them involved.  Besides asking them to look after your daughter while you work, you may also want to take the matter of your niece to them.  If you still remember the incidents you mentioned, you may want to sit down with them, or spend an hour on the phone, and tell them all about it, especially the Valentine's Day one.  If they are perceptive to these facts, they can probably do something about this. 

  

Maybe this could also be an opportunity for your parents to talk to your sister, since you can't.  Why does your sister want to be the fun mom all the time?  Did your sister get ignored and abused more by your parents than you, and now she's determined to be different with her daughter?  She needs a wake-up call quite badly.  They should tell her that if she wants to be the fun mom, she can be fun by planning activities and doing them by spending quality one-on-one time, and teaching the rules in a calm, rational manner, like homeschooling, NOT BY LETTING HER DAUGHTER BE VIOLENT WITH OTHERS, INCLUDING YOUR LITTLE ONE!!!  Meantime, they should also read your niece the riot act.  No more backtalk or violent behavior.  If the niece has a serious disability (retardation), there might be some special child-rearing techniques for her to look into. 

  

If your sister retaliates by telling your parents off, you may have to pretend your sister doesn't exist - at least for now.  She might never change, unless your niece goes to the extreme, and all the kids are put in foster homes for neglect, while she and her husband are forced to take parenting classes - which may be inevitable. 

  

Obviously, some women just weren't meant to be mothers.   

 
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April 19, 2006, 1:58 pm CDT

No links

Quote From: vabtrfly

I am attempting to add these links again, lol.  Anyone interested will need to copy and paste them into their browser. Hope this works.... wish me luck, lol.  

   

http://www.operationdoubles.com/narc/  

   

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/index.html  

   

http://narcissism101.com/Narcissism2.html   I was going to add a 4th... maybe next time around.   Take care.

Sorry, it didn't work.  Maybe they're not allowing anyone to post links anymore.  I know that when I tried to post links to websites in my author's notes on fanfiction.net, never mind the links not working, they didn't even show up on the internet page.  And THEY had no qualms about posting links either, according to the Terms of Service, they just said it wasn't their responsiblilty if the links didn't work. 

  

Maybe , but I don't know.  I think fanfiction.net was secretly cracking down on posting web links and didn't bother to tell us.  Maybe it's that way here, too. 

 
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September 25, 2006, 11:38 am CDT

How to get the details from Flash

Quote From: kimgrenke

I also have a blank screen.  I believe this is because I do not have the latest Flash version.  I unfortunately cannot update this as I go on line at work and do not have authorization to load this.

 

You can sign up to have Flash Player installed at www.adobe.com, like the moderator suggested.

 

Or, if you have IE shield on your Standard Buttons bar (a blue button with a mini triangle over the Explorer symbol), do what I did when I wanted to access Yahoo! Games, and follow these instructions.

 

1. Click on the IE Shield button.  The option "Lock IE Settings" will be checked.  Click on that option to uncheck it.

 

2.  Reload the page, and at the top (below all your toolbars) you will see a message that says "This page requires the latest version of Flash Player."  (It will be in a beige-like yellow color)  Click on the message bar, and choose the option "Accept Installation."  It should take only a few seconds.

 

Once Flash Player is installed, go back to IE Shield button, and click on "Lock Settings" to lock it again.  DO IT AS SOON AS THE INSTALLATION IS COMPLETE!!!!!

 

NOTE: If, as a result of the installation, you get a message stating that spyware or adware was found, you will have to choose either Quarantine or Delete the Infected File, and restart your computer.

 

Thanks, and I hope I've been a big help.

 
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October 3, 2006, 2:40 pm CDT

Let her go

Quote From: jannylou26

Am I the only mother in the world who wont let her 14 year old daughter go to the homecoming dance at her high school. I think she is too young to go to a dance and get all dolled up like a twenty year old. Am I doing the right thing?

Of course you should let her go to the homecoming dance.  When I was younger, my father used to lecture me that I should go to dances instead of staying home, for purposes of socializing with others.  I never really got into school dances until I was in high school.  I think I was about your daughter's age back then.  Believe me, fourteen is NOT, I repeat NOT, too young to attend a school dance.

 

Many students go to school dances basically to socialize with other kids and have fun, to begin with.  These are usually dry, clean events (no alcohol or drugs) and security and parent chaperones are usually hired to keep things from getting out of control.  This coming from someone who's been boys social convenor at his high school for two years in a row.

 

Mind you, when I was going to dances, people dressed very casually or formally depending on what they wanted - blue jeans, slacks, dress shirts, chic dresses and skirts down to the knee, etc - basically nice enough to be seen as acceptable.  Hardly anybody (very few that I knew of) came dressed like prostitutes, or like they stepped off the cover of Maxim and Stuff magazines.  (The music they played was also good back then, unlike today, where they've got all this hip-hop/rap stuff, and cookie-cutter "woe is me" rock bands like Nickelback, and punk poseur artists like Avril Lavigne and Good Charlotte, which would have most kids with musical tastes avoiding school dances like the plague, but that's a post for another day.)

 

You should not deprive your daughter of having a good time, but tell her it's not necessary to be dolled up like a 20 year old.  Not all girls go to these events dressed like this.  Help her pick out an acceptable outfit - perhaps she has a nice dress in her closet, or you could help her shop for one.  If the dress to this thing is casual, just tell her to go in a pair of jeans and an acceptable-looking shirt, or a nice dress and blouse ensemble.  Your daughter will love you for it, especially when she gets home and tells you what a wonderful time she's had

 
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October 4, 2006, 8:17 pm CDT

10/04 - Custody Battles Gone Bad

It is so heartbreaking to read all these stories of child abduction, children being forced to return to abusive parents, and a very corrupt work being done by Child Protective Services.  Why don’t they just change the name to Child Politically Correct Services?  These children obviously aren’t being protected.

 

Not to bring up the spanking debate or point fingers at any parent, but I largely hold the decriminalization of spanking and other punitive measures in the United States and Canada responsible for Social Services placing innocent children into the hands of abusive parents.  Back then, when such measures were illegal, children were taken from abusive parents and placed into foster homes where the children were given love, security and protection from the cruelties and ugliness of the world – and conservative people were crying foul, saying that the children were being neglected, and case workers weren’t doing their jobs properly.  Now that these laws have changed (and with the “No Child Left Behind” policy Bush instated) children are now being placed in dangerous situations at the drop of a scarf, without thinking about whether the “safer” home situation was the better one for the child.  NOW, Social Services aren't doing their jobs properly!

 

PS: I thought the “No Child Left Behind” policy adhered largely to children’s education.  If it was also to curb this so-called Parental Alienation Syndrome (and IMO, some parents, like Chris, and Brittany’s father DESERVE to be alienated, along with every drug addict, alcoholic, anger-happy person who refuses to get help), then this is another reason why President George Dubya Bush must be impeached,  not just the war in Iraq.

 

And in the case of Jan’s grandson and Irene’s daughter, these are children who are growing up healthy and normal.  How does this joke of a system deal with special needs children?

 

I want to tell about a story that I wrote that mirrors this situation (there’s a point to all this.)  It’s entitled “Valerie.” In the first two chapters, the title character is a successful businessperson who flees from her marriage for the sake of her son, Jeremy, who has Shaken Baby Syndrome, which was caused by the boy’s father (Valerie’s own husband, Tom) who REPEATEDLY SHOOK THE BABY for the first years until the poor kid was declared retarded.  Yet, Jeremy got beaten by his father regardless, for stuff like bringing home bad grades, never leaving well enough alone, making constant outbursts and not listening, and other things that were beyond his control due to a malfunctioning brain.  This boy was taken from his parents half a dozen times, and always went back to them at the orders of a corrupt court system in Indiana.  Apparently, these judges approved of what Tom was doing to Jeremy; not only did they believe in the “spare the rod, spoil the child” saying, they believed that special needs children should not be exempt from it, just like normally functioning children.  Worse, Tom would also beat Valerie for defending Jeremy’s “mistakes,” and say she was a horrible mother, and demean her, and he would defend his actions down to a “T”.  I should mention here that Tom walked out on Valerie when she got pregnant and refused an abortion.  And this was when they were married.  Finally, after ten years of this (because she didn’t want Jeremy to go without a father,) she filed for divorce and placed a restraining order on Tom.

 

I won’t get into all the details of the divorce, but Jeremy’s school teachers testified, telling of how they had to handle him differently because of his condition, and also revealing evidence of abuse Jeremy was receiving, from the lashes on his body to the red buttocks.  But during the testimony of Jeremy fifth-grade teacher, when she said that Jeremy would be better off with his mother, Tom flew into a flying rage, POPPING OFF AT THE TEACHER, accusing her of taking Valerie’s side, and insisting he’d be the better father for Jeremy.  Then he turned and threatened his wife, saying she’d never see Jeremy again, and that he’ll raise the kid however he sees fit.  Well, after the judge ordered Tom removal from the courtroom, not only did he find in favour of Valerie, but he also DENIED TOM OF ANY VISITATION RIGHTS, STRIPPED HIM OF ALL HIS PARENTAL RIGHTS, AND DECLARED THAT HE MUST STAY A CERTAIN DISTANCE AWAY FROM MOTHER AND SON.  If you would like to have a look at this story, feel free to e-mail me at davewriter2003@yahoo.com.

 

My point: this is EXACTLY what Child Politically Correct Services and the Canadian and American court systems must do to abusive and uncaring parents in order to preserve the best interests of the child, especially when all the evidence comes up.  Judges and attorneys must see through the abusive parent’s manipulation, just like the aforementioned divorce judge did, and resist any “coaching” of what to say and not say or believe.  I certainly would not fall for the BS if I were in either profession.  Social Services must be pushed to present any and all evidence  of abuse and other wrongdoings in the bad parent’s home, and whoever said they must make surprise visits to the homes, so they don’t have time to clean up anything was DEAD ON!!!  Don’t try to hide it and force your kids to smile just to paint me a pretty picture.  I’ll take it to a professional paint remover to have another picture revealed!

 

Oh, and another thing, the story I just told you takes place in the year 2020.  Maybe by then, the justice system will SMARTEN THE HELL UP, revise its corrupt ways, and give custody of children in divorced or separated situations to the parents/guardians who will them love and guidance, and leave all the undeserving, violent, murderous, abusive, manipulative SOB’s out in the cold.  Parental Alienation Syndrome would be a good thing in this case.

 

A posting on the "Angry Mom" board said it best: "We need a license to drive a car; why should parenting be any different?" People like Jan's son-in-law (whom I hope doesn't regain custody of his son from her) and Brittany's father are evidence that raising kids should be a privelege, not a right.  We need to start a letter-writing campaign to our governors informing them of this (Especially Kansas and California), and demanding they change their child custody laws RIGHT NOW!

 

 
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October 7, 2006, 9:03 am CDT

Truer words were never spoken

Quote From: cindyeb

Dr.Phil,

I know this show hasn't even been aired yet, so I might see a resolution to some of my concerns on Monday, but I think our concerns should definitely be on these poor boys. As a CASA Volunteer (Court Appointed Special Advocate, a voice for children in the courts), these boys need a CASA volunteer in their area and/or an ad litem, to help these boys get into a healthy environment. This mother is a liar and can't be trusted and know how to play to the camera. The father will never forgive her and will continue to make her life miserable. To hear a young boy even discuss the word "suicide" is unforgiving. They should be more worried about football games,cartoons, and taking care of zits!

Dr. Phil, I know you will take care of this situation, and I look forward to see the final show. I'm worried, but hopeful. The parents are more immature than these wonderful boys. I loved how they felt a sense of relief after your chat with them. How wonderful for them to finally feel a sense of relief knowing none of this is their fault. I hope they will be OK.

 

 

Hi Cindy.

 

I have to say that I agree with you in most of your message.  If by, "The parents are more immature than these wonderful boys", you're talking about both Todd and Jessica, then I'd have to disagree.  I've been watching this serial for every part except the first one (Shaw Cable was out all day that day, no TV, no internet) and it seems that Todd is a lot more mature than Jessica ever would be.  Come on, if she was going to have an affair, you'd think she'd at least wait until she was in the process of the divorce.  She could be compared to Sharon Newman on The Young and the Restless, and that's a FICTIONAL character of a show that entirely FICTION.  Todd may be a louse in his own right, but as far as I'm concerned, Jessica is getting exactly what was coming to her (especially with the MIL giving her hell last week.)

 

In my very humble opinion, I think Todd should receive custody of the boys, and, instead of being both Mom and Dad to them, he should concentrate on just being a Dad to them - playing sports with them, volunteering at the local Boys and Girls Club, and taking all three boys with them, helping them with homework (depending on his own expertise and attitude in certain subjects.)  Not to put down all mothers of sons, but I do not believe that all boys need to have a mother, contrary to popular belief.  Dr. Phil said it best: "The most important relationship a child will ever have is that of a same-sex parent."  Perhaps the only exception I'd make is if he meets a single woman with a son (13 or younger) whose own father is not in his life.

 

PS: Cindy, you say you're a Court Appointed Special Advocate, a voice for children in the courts.  I see you how posted messages in this and the "Angry Mom" board.  Please go to the show Archives, click on this month, and select the topic "Custody Battles Gone Bad" (dated 10/04, just this Wednesday.)  We need your expertise on THAT message board, too.

 
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October 28, 2006, 2:20 pm CDT

Dr. Phil House: Thoughts and Proposal

Hi, Dr. Phil.

 

Last week’s episode of your Dr. Phil House: House of Hatred wasn’t really all that riveting, but I’m looking forward to part two anyway.  This kind of reminds me of a good novel to study in high school English curriculum (different kind of prejudices, and how to keep the peace in a chaotic household are good topics for discussion and projects,) but with the racial slurs, coarse language and occasional violence, this “book” would be widely challenged within the school system.  The only thing missing would be a seventh housemate to act as “peacemaker,” someone who was born both black and white; of proportional weight, neither fat nor thin; and was straight but currently not in a relationship.  And now you’re going to have TWINS ADDICTED TO GETTING HIGH in the Dr. Phil House next time.  Why not just put them on and their parents on your show stage?  Really, how would they benefit to being in your house?

 

Now, what I would like to see in the Dr. Phil House is a group of women, all mothers, who have very different opinions of child-raising.  We could call it “THE MOTHER OF ALL BATTLES!”  Have mothers who are in the most controversial of situations.  The story would go like this (names completely made up for pitching purposes):

 

“Six mothers in various situations and with very different opinions on how to raise children move into the Dr. Phil House together to see if they can be redeemed.  Belinda, 43, has two daughters, 16 and 13, whom she’ll do anything to keep as her ‘little girls’, even forbidding them from having extracurricular activities, and attending school functions such as dances.  Rosalyn, 40, has a 14-year-old daughter whom she is forcing to mature and grow up so quickly.  She says she wants her daughter, ‘to be as independent as possible by the time she’s 16.’  Pamela, 45, is a military wife with three children, 16, 12 and 9, the youngest a boy living with cerebral palsy and Down’s Syndrome.  She thinks nothing about especially spanking, slapping and whipping her son when he often misbehaves, and says parents who don’t do this with special needs children are ‘weak, lazy, and just making excuses.’  Shelley, 39, escaped an abusive marriage with her 10-year-son with Shaken Baby Syndrome, whom she refuses to use corporal punishment on.  She wants to world to know that spanking and “belting” children who are physically and mentally disabled is wrong.  Kate, 42, is a divorced woman of three children, 14, 11 and 9.  She is a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type of parent.  Not only does she criticize and yell at her children for everything, but she likes to go out nightly without her children, either to go partying or to another club or organizational meeting.  Gina, 36, is a firm believer that children learn by example, listens to whatever her children want to say to her, and stays home most nights to do various activities with her children, from helping with homework to playing games.  She says parents who don’t pay attention to their children are ‘ignorant, selfish Mommie Dearests.’  Dr. Phil puts them to work with various assignments to help them understand each other, and give them perspective.  Will the women change whatever ways they need to, or turn on each other?”

 

And here are the profiles:

 

Belinda, 43

 

·          Two daughters, 16 and 13

·          Does not allow them to get involved with after-school activities or school functions (i.e.: sports, dances)

·          Does not allow them to have boyfriends or many girlfriends

·          Has an 8:00 pm curfew installed

·          Makes the girls wear sweaters and long skirts and socks with Mary Janes every day.

·          Both girls’ rooms are laced with pink like a child’s room, their mother won’t let them get room renovations

·          “You have to keep your children on a tight leash for them to be respectable citizens later on… much later on.”

·          Daughters are starting to rebel against her

 

Rosalyn, 40

 

·          Four children; three daughters, 14, 11 and 6; one son, 8

·          Has been teaching eldest teen daughter to cook, clean and maintain the home

·          Insists that her teen keeps a part-time job as well as going to school, and help run the house, which she’s been going along with.

·          Admits to being physically and verbally abusive to younger children and teaching teen to beat her siblings

·          “It’s important that teens have as much independence as possible, and parents who deny them this are cowards.”

·          Is trying to get her 11-year-old daughter the same way, but she’s rebelling

·          Fights with her husband on how she’s raising the children

·          Husband has promised to leave and go for custody if she doesn’t change her ways

 

Pamela, 45

 

·          Three children; two daughters, 16 and 12; one son, 9

·          Husband is part of the Marine Corps

·          Son lives with cerebral palsy and Down’s Syndrome

·          Both parents have used hands, belts, wooden spoons, and whatever else they can get on, on all her children, including their son         

·          Both parents openly admit to punishing, spanking and beating their son more often than the girls because “he acts the most wayward.”

·          “Parents who don’t discipline their special needs children harshly are lazy and weak people who just want to make excuses.”

·          Children were seized by Social Services after a recent family fight; daughters have being returned, but son is being withheld

 

Shelley, 39

 

·          One son, aged 10, who was diagnosed with Shaken Baby Syndrome at age 20 months

·          Son has severe brain damage, weak body muscles, facial deformities, cannot walk independently, speak properly, run, or defend himself; currently attends special school for the disabled

·          Divorced from abusive husband who caused son’s condition, and beat both mother and son

·          Insists she has no choice but to be both parent and friend, and be patient with her son all the time.

·          “Children like my son can’t learn anything from being spanked, whipped, beaten or punished.”

·          Is constantly criticized for her views and decisions, has few friends, constantly screams at her critics.

·          Has gotten violent with relatives who criticize her parenting at family get-togethers

·          Recently had a meltdown at her job, in which pro-spanking advocates “came down on her”; she got the offenders fired, and several more like-minded co-workers quit in protest

·          Wants everyone to understand her anti-spanking decisions are meaningfully just

 

Kate, 42

 

·          Three children; one daughter, aged 14; two sons, 11 and 9

·          Expects children to do exactly as she tells them and not question her

·          Smokes and drinks in the presence of her children

·          Would rather yell and criticize her children instead of listening to them or helping them

·          Belongs to a great number of organizations and clubs,  and currently has multiple boyfriends to don’t meet children’s approval

·          “You’re the adult, you have a life to live, and your children must understand that!”

·          Thinks nothing of leaving her children at home every night, and sleeping with her men with the kids in the house

 

Gina, 36

 

·          Two children; son, 8; daughter, 6

·          Believes that children learn by example, will keep her own bedroom neat for her kids

·          “Parents who don’t set an example for their kids are selfish, ignorant and undeserving of them.”

·          Loves spending time with children, takes them wherever she goes when not at her job

·          Favourite activity with her children: playing sports and board games

·          Divorced from husband who cheated on her, tends to avoid romantic relationships

·          Turns down every offer for a date or joining a club

·          Is criticized by few people, but doesn’t mind “a little bit of unpopularity” to prove her point.

 

This would be something I’d want to watch, and would be a true ratings-grabber for your show.

 

 

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