Messages By: devildogs2

I remember hearing on the show today that one of the reasonsyou share wit someone you care about is to get understanding, support, closure, etc so tht you can move on. In my case., my mother was the molester (denies or has forgotten, is an alchoholic, would do no good to bring up with her). My father, on the other hand knew most of what was going on - definitely knew about the physical abuse.. When I confronted him years later for not helping me, he denied it hppened, then to make matters worse, told my mom what I had discussed with him (they were divroced by now). I felt betrayed.Up until his death I tried a couopkle of more times, but he refused tio acknowledge it. My question is hiow do you move on when the person you needed support from is dead? And not resent them for not intervening. 

thanks for any input/// 

Just found out my 27 year old daughter is 4 mos. pregnant. She smokes cigs but worse than that marijuana - heavily from the time she gets up until she goes to bed. She has some severe mental problems - bipolar, depressed, very angry and unbalanced - who knows, but we are estranged so she won’t listen to me. She live with my 79 year old stepmother who gives her whatever she wants, including money, letting her drug dealer come over, have violent outbursts at her…She is on SSI for ADHD and the stepmother won't say a thing to her about it- she’s had her since she was 12 and has given her EVERYTHING she wants – including paying about 40K worth of bills over the years – that relationship is another whole can of worms, so…. Been researching laws - I feel so selfish because if it is child neglect, which I don’t know it is or even if I anonymously reported to her Dr., the family would turn on me - feel like an ass for putting my needs before that of an innocent baby. Any advice? The internet has conflicting views on how harmful it actually is, and as far as CA state law goes, I found this:11165.13.   

For purposes of this article, a positive toxicology screen at the time of the delivery of an infant is not in and of itself a sufficient basis for reporting child abuse or neglect.
However, any indication of maternal substance abuse shall lead to an assessment of the needs of the mother and child pursuant to Section 123605 of the Health and Safety Code.  If other factors are present that indicate risk to a child, then a report shall be made.  However, a report based on risk to a child which relates solely to the
inability of the parent to provide the child with regular care due to the parent's substance abuse shall be made only to a county welfare or probation department, and not to a law enforcement agency. 

I am conflicted…. 

I didn't get any replies to this, not sure how long this usually takes, but am I posting this question in the wrong forum perhaps - is there a more appropriate place to look for help/support? 

THanks