Messages By: judeelynn

Wow,

This is as bad as “trying to do the right thing” and marry someone because they become pregnant, which I guess is honorable thinking but logically how can you base a relationship on an unborn child or that being the foundation of the relationship.

Example; OMG your pregnant…..ok well let’s get married….. I feel for the men and women on this show regarding this matter but mostly I feel for the children, and the price they are paying in the long run for their parents choices.

But being married already and being deceitful, trying to keep someone through a baby, I don’t really understand this,your married already!  

I am not trying to be cold about it just trying to think of the logic, trying to understand this.

How does a person think they can hold another person through a child? You are the Childs parent married or not…Being a real parent has noting to do with a marriage license…they can still carry your last name too…if that would be a worry, one thing you can never change is biology….married or not…if you’re a parent be a parent to your child and be a great parent…!

And please tell me why would a woman want a man to marry her because she is pregnant? I am not judging; this has happened in my family and to friends many times through the years and I still fail to understand the logic in this and none of the relationships to date have lasted and the children have paid the price of their bitterness, and that breaks my heart!

I personally would not want to be wondering my whole life or married life it that person married me because they were truly in love with me or if they married me because I was pregnant and trying to make it work, would they not constantly have that in the back of their mind, how could they not, I certainly would.

What are the statistics on a pregnancy being the foundation of the marriage taking place to begin with and it lasting?

Regards, Judeelynn

I agree and think once someone gets married and it is all new and wonderful it is hard enough to figure out how to go from being boyfriend/girlfriend to be coming a husband or wife and the dynamics are different no matter what some may think.

So I think the struggles to become husband and wife and getting to know each other on that level alone is huge, but then try to be a husband/wife and daddy/mommy all in the same year would puts even more pressure on the marriage to work so what I was saying and asking at the same time is……One thing to plan a wedding and get married because your in love & friendship and want to be together and all the work it takes alone to make it work and that being the foundation of the marriage taking place.

I did it all in the “right order” got married waited almost 3 years to  “plan” the baby we wanted and it still didn’t work, so trust me I know it still doesn’t guarantee it all working

out to the fairy tail ending.

So the question I am asking is when you base the marriage on a baby on the way are the chances any higher or lower of it working out then if we try to do things in what the world thinks is the correct order?

And again I was wondering what the woman are thinking when there is no talk of marriage, so say they are dating or I hope so anyway and she does become pregnant(I do realize she wouldn’t get pregnant by herself) and he says something along the line “well maybe we should get married” and she jumps and says “yes or “ok” and runs with the wedding plans….why would the woman settle for that and not think the foundation of the marriage was based on that alone and why would she want someone to marry her for that reason? I am just trying to understand what they are thinking or not.

As I stated before that has been the foundation of many peoples marriages that I personally know and none has worked to this day.

But I too am a woman and I don’t understand. Marriage alone is hard enough on its own and if it doesn’t work it is your own heartache but when the man/woman “tricks” the other person the babies pay the price in the end, because people move on to other relationships but the childrens parents are still their parents they don’t get that choice.

Quote~ when I was in college we looked at birth and marriage records and found that 50% of all first babies born in the 1950s were born less then 8 months after the marriage.   

Once we hit 1990 there should be no such thing as “unplanned” pregnancies and doing the right thing…and in this day and age why would the women settle for less.

We can do it on our own and their can still be a father involved, like I said if you’re the father/mother nothing can change that with a marriage license or not….so be a parent

to your child and raise a healthy child with out “Your” issues about the relationship and the rights or wrongs of it taking place or not.But if your married already why do you need to "trick" your husband or wife into having a baby....to get them to stay with you....you already have them of their own free will ??? 

Children are gifts from god and should be treated like the perfect presents they are….in a married relationship or not.

Warm Regards,

                 Judeelynn