Messages By: my_2angels

Hi! I'm a 21 year old mother of two. My oldest, Emmalee, just turned 2 this month, and my youngest is Alecxander and he's 3.5 months old. I've co-slept with Emmalee pretty much from the day we brought her home from the hospital. We tried to get her to sleep in a crib the first few nights, and I was trying to breastfeed, but she would wake up every half hour or so. 

The delivery had been very difficult (it took me almost 3 months to be able to leave my house and not be in pain after 5 minutes) so it was hard for me to get up and down and out of bed so much. My husband has worked third shift since the day we met, and so it was just me with her at night, so I wound up taking her into the bed with me. Immediately, we were sleeping 8-10 hours a night. She still sleeps with me now. 

When I became pregnant with our son, we talked about what we wanted to do. I was nervous about co-sleeping with an infant and a toddler by myself, so we agreed when he was born, we'd try the crib again. Well, I wanted to breastfeed, and even though the delivery was fairly easy, the first few nights we did it backwards and I tried to sleep with him on one end of the couch and our daughter on the other end. He was waking up just as often as she had at first, and neither she or I were getting any sleep, so I moved him into a crib and she and I slept in my bed again. But he was still waking up every hour, to nurse, at 6 weeks. So, I did some research. The crib he sleeps in has a flat mattress, almost like a soft floor surface, and I decided that I would try putting him to sleep on his tummy. The first night I did, we all slept 10 hours, with me waking up nervously every so often to check on him. 

Only recently has he started waking me up every 3 hours or so. I think he could be teething, and I don't believe in CIO, so it's tough, but I can function very well on the amount of sleep I get. 

My parents successfully co-slept with 4 kids, and my youngest brother, the 5th and youngest of us, is adopted, and my parents were mid-50's before he came to live with us. He slept in a crib for the first couple of years and then boucned between siblings beds until my eldest sister moved out the house to go to college. By that time he had started sleeping on the couch in the living room because it was firm and comfortable and he wasn't liking the waterbeds we all had. When my older brother went to college, the youngest took his room. 

We all transitioned to our own beds when we were either ready or when another baby was on the way. My parents took the time to explain to us that it was time for the baby to share with them and that if we needed them, they were right in the next room and could hear us or be in our rooms in a matter of seconds. They had no problems, and none of us have sleep issues, so I'm not worried. My daughter will transition when she's ready and comfortable. 

Maria 

I cannot agree with giving the last couple  TiVo and a new t.v. If they didn't have the common sense to get themselves to the hospital on time for the epidural, they shouldn't be rewarded. 

I'm a mother of two. Both of my children were just shy of ten pounds at birth. My total labor for my daughter was almost 48 hours, with 24 of that in the hospital. My son- total of just over THREE DAYS with about 6 or 8 in the hospital before he was born. I delivered both children with absolutely no drugs. I wanted a clear head and I wanted my babies to be able to feel their first moments of life without the grogginess that drugs are said to cause. (I've posted all this once before, but it looks like it didn't make it for some reason,) And while it HURT and I will never again feel pain so badly (I'm not planning on any more kids), I wouldn't trade it for all the epidurals in the world. Because I cannot think of anything more beautiful then hearing my babies first cry, mere seconds after they left my body. And I cannot think of anything more satisfying then being able to hold them to my [bosom] and feed them in the same amount of time. If this woman CHOSE to be late for her epidural, and couldn't see the beauty of what she experienced (feeling the pains), then she shouldn't be rewarded. 

Next time, she should just miss the darn show! 

Maria 

Hi! My name is Maria and I'm a young (21) mother of 2 children, aged 2 years and 4 months. I was able to watch both the show you were originally on and the follow up show. I'm going to admit that I, too, am a person who often feels rage. I've been very good, however, at keeping it contained and away from those that I love. It's hard, and it takes almost more energy then I've got, but I would do anything not to put my anger onto my beautiful, precious children. Also, though, I've hidden it from everyone around me. My husband, family, and friends have no idea that I feel this anger or rage. All my life I've done an admirable job of hiding my feelings (in itself not an admirable thing) and I even hid depression from my family and friends for close to 10 years before it got so out of hand that I realized I needed to get help. 

I also understand having trouble getting to appointments. For the first 2 years that I was married, I didn't have a driver's license. It's very hard having to depend on others for transportation. (I'm in a rural area that doesn' t offer public transportation.) I think that it's very judgemental and rude of people to say that you're just making excuses. It was rather obvious to me that you are trying to keep yourself in check. It is a process that could take years and years. Might I suggest asking your husband to help out more BEFORE you start to show signs of "blowing"? It seemed to me (and others, apparently) that he was rather hands-off. Maybe if you had more help with your stressors, you wouldn't be so stressed! (Which is common sense hehe) 

In today's world, it is not just a matter of "getting a job." There aren't many jobs to be had, and as a SAHM myself, I know that sometimes, even when in such a tough situation as you're in, it IS best for your kids to have a parent at home. 

Might I also suggest to everyone else that as mothers we are often pitted against one another in any number of "debates." (Breast v. bottle, to spank or not to spank, cloth or disposable diapers, etc.) It would benefit EVERYONE a lot more if we stopped arguing and trying to make ourselves feel superior, and started helping each other and supporting each other. If you see a mom in the grocery store with two young children, who are throwing fits and she is obviously frazzled, offer a helping hand! Offer to help her unload her grocery cart or lend a hand to her car. It's not hard to brighten someone's day, and you're probably helping more then you know. 

I'd like to start off by saying that I, too, wear my "Mommy-clothes" with pride. I do make sure to get a shower every day, but I have not worn makeup since I was a freshman in high school. Who needs all that goop on their face, anyways? If my husband decided to "look elsewhere" because I was too busy raising his children and cleaning his house and cooking his meals to be dropdead gorgeous every day of the week, then good riddance to him! SELF Matters does not mean "Self matters only if others are impressed by what they see." SELF Matters means that it's important to care about YOURSELF and BE yourself, not dress to impress others. And, frankly, if I'm too busy caring for my kids to get a shower, I still have pride in myself that I put my kids first and foremost to make sure that they are healthy and happy, well adjusted kids. Showers will wait. Kids grow daily and need as much of their parents' attention as possible. 

On the "Mother Teresa" issue, why do you think she was called MOTHER Teresa? Because she DID have kids. Thousands of them! And she cared more about making sure she could care for others before caring for herself. And I highly doubt that she had less pride then the woman who feel like they have to put on a mask (makeup) to be beautiful. 

If I can only be gorgeous for my husband one day a week, then it's a heck of a day. (*WINK*) But the other six days, I'm a mom first. My husband is grown up. That means he doesn't need me as much as my children do. 

First of all, Misty, you have to understand that children cannot be spoiled until they have an understanding about behavior and cause and effect. This doesn't happen (developmentally) until sometime around 18 months or 2 years (any child development experts, feel free to correct me if I'm off there). Only when they begin to realize "If I throw a tantrum for [Reason A], Mommy and Daddy will [Effect A]." (With Reason A being anything from wanting a candybar at the store to staying up later, and Effect A being they get the candy bar and are allowed five or ten or fifteen more minutes at bedtime.) You cannot spoil an infant. The best way to avoid a spoiled child is through consistency. If you refuse them the candy bar one time, but give in the next, they will expect you will give in a second time. If you don't give in the next time, they will continue to try. Do not give in! Set up a reward system around the age of 3 or 4. For example, my parents set up the reward system like this- If my siblings and I behaved ourselves while errands were being run (the whole time, not just part of it) we were allowed to pick one small item from the checkout line at the store, which was always the last stop. (A pack of gum, a candy bar, a pack of tic tacs, whatever.) 

Also, be consistent with discipline at home. If you find a technique that works (such as time outs or loss of t.v. time, etc.) stick with it! Children crave consistency, they need it to feel safe and comfortable with their "world." If you put your child in the corner one time for dumping her cheerios on the floor, and it works, don't change the "punishment" the next time. (I really hate the word punishment and try to avoid it when I'm dealing with my child.) Remember, though, that disciplining your child will do no good before about the age of one or 18 months (again, child development experts, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). 

Keep in mind the age appropriate child developmental milestones. My 2 year old is now learning to pour water and juice from one cup to another. I don't discipline her when she spills it on the floor, because that would be a hinderance to her development. Instead, I try to guide her to be more careful the next time she tries. 

Finally, just do what your heart says is best. Parents who spoil their kids often (but don't always) feel a sense of guilt after they give in. This is because we know it's best for kids not to be spoiled! So, when dealing with your child, if you feel yourself getting that sick sense of "I probably shouldn't have given in just now..." try to avoid it the next time around (the giving in, not the feeling hehe).  

A healthy baby will turn their head, when laying on his or her back, if they spit up. But there is a greater risk of SIDS when your child is a tummy sleeper. 

There are pros and cons to both stomach and back sleeping, and as a parent you have to decide what you're willing to risk to help your child get a good nights sleep. WIth my first child, that was co-sleeping with me. For my son, it's sleeping on his tummy because he wouldn't sleep on his back. But for some moms, the risk of SIDS is too great to allow tummy sleeping. You have to read your child's cues to figure out what is best for him or her. 

The most recent information does suggest that back sleeping is safest for most kids. There is nothing wrong with their information, Andrea, you just don't agree with it. Which is perfectly okay for you and your child. 

If my husband quit his job without a good reason and didn't bother looking for a new job, you bet I'd leave him. But if he were fired, not due to something that was his own fault (such as employee downsizing) and tried to find a new job, I'd stay by my husband. And the poster said that if you have time to post on the message board you have time to shower, not to look nice. I don' thave to wear high heels or dangly earrings or any make up to feel good or look good, either to myself or my husband. 

And, for the record, I don't wear "mom jeans" (with the pleat) because my body type doesn't fit nicely into them. But if someone feels like they look just fine in mom jeans, that's just fine. 

Right. Because it's easy for a mother of two to just go out and work two jobs or get a better paying job. *Rolling eyes* 

Did you know that women who have children, when asked in interviews if they do have children, are less likely to be hired then childless women?  

Yes. You read that correctly. It is more difficult for a mother to get a job then a woman who is not a mother. 

I think that it's very possible to effectively discipline some children without spanking. But sometimes spanking is a necessary evil. Done in the proper manner, with the proper guidelines, it can be a very effective discipline tool, one of many that I use. 

I first spanked my (now) two year old daughter when she was 18 months old and not once before. I believe that until a certain age, children aren't able to understand that spanking is not the same as hitting, because they aren't able to fully comprehend what you mean when you explain the difference. 

Spanking is used as a last resort in my home. I don't spank for everything, nor do I find the need to spank for a lot of things. I mostly make use of a gentle swat, rather then a spank, and never have left even a red mark on my child's backside or hand (which are the only two acceptable places for me to use this technique). 

I never swat/spank when angry. If my daughter does something that angers me, I stand her in a corner and seperate myself from the situation to cool off, with my husband standing near her to make sure she doesn't move from the spot. I only swat/spank when I have a cool, clear head and am calm. My husband and I have set things that we will spank for, and our daughter has been made aware of what these things are, now that she is old enough to use some reasoning. If one or the other of us disagrees with spanking for a certain thing, we don't do it. Our home is not a dictatorship, both he and I have equal say and we will always lean in the direction of the loving, gentle, redirection approach when one or the other is in doubt. 

My husband and I have also made my or his relatives aware of the (small) list of things that we see as acceptable reasons to spank. They have very strict orders not to spank for anything other then what we have already agreed to. No non-relative will ever have permission to spank my children. Period. 

These, and other, guidelines make for a happy and healthy home, in my home. If spanking doesn't work for you, I congratulate you! But I had tried everything else with my daughter, and spanking works when it's necessary, which is rare, and when nothing else does. Depending on my son's personality and attitude as he gets older (he's only 4 months old now), we may or may not use this same technique with him. But either way, after a child is 5 or 6 years old, spanking is no longer (in my opinion) appropriate, and that's when we'll stop and start a new system.