Messages By: snarbear

Hi everyone,  

I am in desperate need of advice here. It's the first time I have been on this site and I hope there are people out there who are either in my situation or have been and have been able to sort it out effectively.  My problem is I have 2 children, a daughter aged 3 (nearly 4) and a son who is 6 (nearly 7). The childrens father and I split about 2 years ago now, we still have a good friendship and are equally involved in the care of our children.  The kids spend one week with their father and one week with me.  Their father has a girlfriend whom he has been with for just over a year now.  There is no problem with his girlfriend and I, we get along really well and she loves my kids as if they were her own and they love her too. 

The problem I am having is recently my daughter was brought home by her father and his girlfriend to begin her week with me and when it was time to go, she became extremely upset (bordering on hysterical) and after they had left I brought her inside and sat down with her to settle her down and try and find out why she was so upset and was told by her that she doesnt love me, she doesnt like staying here and she wants to live with her dad and his partner. Of course she is only 3 and kids come out with some hurtful and nasty things when they dont get their way but this was different.  Knowing my daughter the way  I do, I could see in her face and her manner that she truly meant what she was saying and on talking with her father later that night I was gobsmacked to find out that it is not the first time she had said something like that and they are quite concerned about it too. 

Naturally this was extremely upsetting for me as I cant understand why she feels this way.  She is loved, taken care of and most certainly not in an abusive or unhappy environment at my house so I am at a loss to understand what has made her behave this way.  If anyone has any ideas or suggestions or even if anyone has a similar story to share I would be most appreciative.  I am trying to handle the situation in a mature and adult way but it so hard to not get visibly upset in front of her when she behaves this way to me and she wont open up to me and tell me why she feels that way, I dont even know if she understands herself.  PLEASE HELP ME!  I'm going insane trying to figure this out on my own. 

Hi everyone,   

I am in desperate need of advice here. It's the first time I have been on this site and I hope there are people out there who are either in my situation or have been and have been able to sort it out effectively.  My problem is I have 2 children, a daughter aged 3 (nearly 4) and a son who is 6 (nearly 7). The childrens father and I split about 2 years ago now, we still have a good friendship and are equally involved in the care of our children.  The kids spend one week with their father and one week with me.  Their father has a girlfriend whom he has been with for just over a year now.  There is no problem with his girlfriend and I, we get along really well and she loves my kids as if they were her own and they love her too.  

The problem I am having is recently my daughter was brought home by her father and his girlfriend to begin her week with me and when it was time to go, she became extremely upset (bordering on hysterical) and after they had left I brought her inside and sat down with her to settle her down and try and find out why she was so upset and was told by her that she doesnt love me, she doesnt like staying here and she wants to live with her dad and his partner. Of course she is only 3 and kids come out with some hurtful and nasty things when they dont get their way but this was different.  Knowing my daughter the way  I do, I could see in her face and her manner that she truly meant what she was saying and on talking with her father later that night I was gobsmacked to find out that it is not the first time she had said something like that and they are quite concerned about it too.  

Naturally this was extremely upsetting for me as I cant understand why she feels this way.  She is loved, taken care of and most certainly not in an abusive or unhappy environment at my house so I am at a loss to understand what has made her behave this way.  If anyone has any ideas or suggestions or even if anyone has a similar story to share I would be most appreciative.  I am trying to handle the situation in a mature and adult way but it so hard to not get visibly upset in front of her when she behaves this way to me and she wont open up to me and tell me why she feels that way, I dont even know if she understands herself.  PLEASE HELP ME!  I'm going insane trying to figure this out on my own.  

Thank you for your response, unfortunately it does not apply in this situation as all grandparents live in other states to us.  We have no family in the state we live in and they dont tend to make plans that cant involve the kids on the weeks they have them so I dont believe there is an outside source to this.  The only thing I can put it down to is that she feels she has more fun at dads house because they have a car and can go more places than I can take them and I also think that because I am doing it on my own it is alot harder for me because I still need to get things done as well and at their house there is the 2 of them so there is always one of them giving them attention.  I have voiced this concern to my ex and have decided that I am going to do as much as I can to spend more time with the kids however, he seems to be of the opinion that if she is distressed about being here perhaps they should spend a larger percentage of time at their place. While I dont want my daughter to be unhappy, I dont feel that this is a good option because I think that this is only going to antagonise things by making her feel that she lives with her dad and only visits with me.  I dont want that to be the case as I want her to feel that my home is her home too and I think that doing what he suggested will only serve to drive an even deeper wedge between her and I. ANy ideas or suggestions?????????????