Messages By: mellynz

Quote From: connerbjc

My husband and I will be married 8 years in Feb. Nothing has changed. I don't know where to go from here. I stay tired and there are those days I don't feel like getting out of bed. I'm that depressed. I ask myself will these feelings ever go away? It seems they never will. I'm so angry by the lack of support from my husbands family, as well with him. They have very little to do with me, in thinking I'm over reacting in my situation. My brother-in-law has had their 2nd baby and I notice we get less visits from his mother. I guess I would bond with the one woman who has been able to bare me grandchildren than the one that hasn't. All I know is it hurts. I doesn't make sense. On top of all that. I am going to be a great Aunt. My niece which is 2 years younger than I, is pregnant with her first. Not knowing if they ever really wanted children, bam It happens for them! I'm the youngest of 5 and my oldest sister got pregnant at a very young age of 15. That's why we're so close in age. 

He won't really talk about. He just tells me what ever I want to do. After all this time. But yet adoption is out of the ? All I know is I can't go on like this anymore. This seems so unfair. And I'm to tired to go on. 

Quote From: lifebites

     I have been married for 10 years and found out that my high school sweethearts has cheated on me.  I have always believed that we are soul mates and we could do anything together.  I found out by cell phone records that she had been talking to a friend of mine for almost a year.  When I confronted her about it she got mad and wanted to know how I found out.  She said that they meet at a park a couple of times and kissed and that was all.  We have two kids together 3 and 6, we parent great together, we have a very successful business, and a very well respected people in the community.  This relationship ended by itself (don't know how?) but the same month that it ended she started talking to another one of my friends.  I caught her after a month and a half.  First she lied and said it was a friends number, then I said I know how it is.  She said  nothing happened and that they were just friends.  I am so confused as to how someone I love and trust so much could hurt me so bad.  I love her with all my heart, but I feel broken inside and I don't trust her anymore.  I am a good man and would never cheat on her, and never have. 

Please help me with why she did this.

 

Quote From: mrs_affair

Hey, I'm back again!  Well...although me and the OM haven't slept together again since the last incident, we've been talking on the phone like we are friends or something!  I still want him more than ever and I feel very confused.  When I hear his voice I just melt!  My husband and I aren't having any problems or anything so I don't know what is wrong with me!!!  I wasn't ready for it to end...but will I ever be? 

Quote From: bellacoo

I recently realized that my best friend of 7 years wasn't a true friend after all. 

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years because of her. 

My boyfriend and were having problems and he went to her to talk to but instead of talking to me about the problems that we were having decided that she would be better.  She was always involved in our problems and believes every fight we have is always about her.
I never had the guts to tell her to step back and stay out of our problems because i thought she was being a good friend however her and my boyfriend started to get close and he realized that he had feelings for her. 

So due to the lack of communication and lack of love in our relationship we broke up. 

Instead of being there for me she was there for him and when i needed a shoulder to cry on she wasn't there. 

Finally when confronted by myself she said "i didn't come to see you and wasn't there for you because..."  my ex-boyfriend had told her not to come near me. 

This caused me great pain and for this reason i realized she wasn't a good and true friend. 

Now my ex and i have gotten back together but we are having the same problems as before due to her interference. 

  

Any advice on how to save my relationship with my friend and boyfriend would greatly be appreciated. 

  

Quote From: lenamom

Was it he Ruby slippers and yellow brick road?  The geographical thing with kansas? I guess us betrayed spouses  have no say on this message board.  I honestly put my feelings out there and somewhere in this site. Someone, deemed theirselves higher. I didn't say anything that hadn't been said.  Mine came with feeling and hurt.  Trying to express how shallow I view everyone to be.  When you allow this to happen.  The truly incredible fact, is that not one person on her or any other site related tot his issue can ever truly place thereselves in the betrayed spouses shoes. I devoted my life to my husband, I knew he was my soul mate.  is that  iWhat I learned n hope have s of finding my Romeo.  Church, faiith, love, hope, courage and sometimes undecrible courage kept me there.. Eighteen years, four children, longing for their father. Yet, you people see fit to erase my message because it had geographical references. xp . Either way, I stick to my guns. When you mess with a married or other wise involved person, it always starts wiht an initial attraction.  'what you learn from them after that and what you take from it is totally your responsiblitiy.  You cannot deny that you chase that which presents a challenge;  Lions do it all the time.  'when they see weakness in the pride they will do the best to conquer and destroy and ultimately be the king or queen.  In humans rarely is the rogue or offending female the winner.     

Defeat is not an option, but winning, well, that makes king or queen.   The outsider is almost always defeated. Move on o/w and o/m.  You were losers even before you started to play. 

Quote From: lenamom

Read the quote I made to mis2005, it was meant in response to you. I have started college classes. I have to write an essay. I have chosen extramarrital affairs as my topic. My instructor was very supportive, I don't want to let her down. I want to touch on all sides. The betrayed, the betrayer and the other woman. Thank you for apologizing for what somebody else helped do to my family. You don't know me, I don't know you, but that does not  mean we are enemies.  Since, D-day I have spent a considerable amount of time trying to help myself heal. (Other women) might think this is a waste of time or that it will reap no reward, but ask yourselves, are you wasting your time. My husband broke the affair off as soon as I found out. His merry land was thrown into turmoil. Imagine, not only, having to face your wife, but your children. They are no longer babies, the youngest is 12 years old. Imagine the wife, the one that always held him and told him everthing would be alright, even after they had the worst argument they could ever have, imagine her not being able to do that, not wanting to for fear that it never mattered all the other times. Imagine, walking through the card section and not being able to do that little you always did, get him a card that expressed everything, just because. That is what I had. That is what most of us had. How we react to finding out is what you base your knowledge on. You can't go by what  he says. He says he loves you, he wants to be with you and he doesn't love her anymore. But that is not what he means, he does love her, even if it is not love by your standards. You can't change that. Being patient, understanding, hopeful only makes you more vunerable to his lies and deceit. What she does with that is her business, it always has been, no matter how much he tries to hand it off.  Your position will never change. You will always be the "other woman."  She will always be the first, and if she has kids with him. Well, she isn't going anywhere far away from your reality.

Quote From: lenamom

First, let me clarify something for you. This is not the only site I visit for my healing. And what you said was only I am sorry you were hurt so bad. You didn't give any details on your situation. So, now you want to justify your actions by saying My expereince was such that I met a man who pursued me and I became involved with him after asking him numerous times how the relationship, with the mother of his children was. It isn't even apparent to you how the words you choose help to make you feel better about yourself. What you fail to believe, is that it can happen to you. To quote you "she took it upon herself to harrass you at work and home." Well, you took it upon yourself to mess with her husband! When will you women learn? "The other woman sees all the things in him you do." No NO No, again No NO NO,  wake up and smell the coffee. Find yourself someone that doesn't have a history. Start fresh with that person, stay with him through tons of deployments, late hours and mood swings. Stay married to him for at least 5-up years and have your knock down drag out fights, that you know are because both of you are at fault.  And then let him turn around and screw with some other person that has as much low self-esteem as him and then lets see what you do. I said the same thing. I let him come back and now 1 year later I don't care about him anymore. I want out. He can't stand the thought. She disgusted him he says, she meant nothing he says, I was screwed in my head he says, IOVE YOU AND ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL. I have read that it is a no win situation. And it is true. You go ahead and make all the excuses you want. Tell yourself all the little sweet, smoochie things you can handle about this sick individual that took you to meet his family. You think that meant so much? He married this woman, had kids with her, vowed to always hold her dear. He screws around on her, breaking all their vows for some little romp and you think that taking you to meet his parents, friends and her cousin would be beyond him!!??  And as for family, well, do you really think that mom and dad are going to chastize him in front of you. Do you really think that they have any control over what he does. Honey, they are going to support him any way he needs them to, no matter what they think. And I wouldn't put to much confidence in his friends or her "cousin."  Cousins aren't always of the most trustworthy in a family chain. In fact , they are the easiest broken. So, you are right I was hurt, but I wouldn't put it quite that mild. That is where your kind show their true colors. You knew what you were getting into and if you didn't then you had better have learned something. As for me my wounds go much deeper than "being hurt." Your mother can hurt you, your siblings can hurt you, co-workers hurt you. What happens to us the spouse, goes far deeper than anything you are experiencing. So, don't ever try to compare yourself to us!  That is, unless you plan on or hope to be us, one day.

Quote From: lenamom

First, let me clarify something for you. This is not the only site I visit for my healing. And what you said was only I am sorry you were hurt so bad. You didn't give any details on your situation. So, now you want to justify your actions by saying My expereince was such that I met a man who pursued me and I became involved with him after asking him numerous times how the relationship, with the mother of his children was. It isn't even apparent to you how the words you choose help to make you feel better about yourself. What you fail to believe, is that it can happen to you. To quote you "she took it upon herself to harrass you at work and home." Well, you took it upon yourself to mess with her husband! When will you women learn? "The other woman sees all the things in him you do." No NO No, again No NO NO,  wake up and smell the coffee. Find yourself someone that doesn't have a history. Start fresh with that person, stay with him through tons of deployments, late hours and mood swings. Stay married to him for at least 5-up years and have your knock down drag out fights, that you know are because both of you are at fault.  And then let him turn around and screw with some other person that has as much low self-esteem as him and then lets see what you do. I said the same thing. I let him come back and now 1 year later I don't care about him anymore. I want out. He can't stand the thought. She disgusted him he says, she meant nothing he says, I was screwed in my head he says, IOVE YOU AND ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL. I have read that it is a no win situation. And it is true. You go ahead and make all the excuses you want. Tell yourself all the little sweet, smoochie things you can handle about this sick individual that took you to meet his family. You think that meant so much? He married this woman, had kids with her, vowed to always hold her dear. He screws around on her, breaking all their vows for some little romp and you think that taking you to meet his parents, friends and her cousin would be beyond him!!??  And as for family, well, do you really think that mom and dad are going to chastize him in front of you. Do you really think that they have any control over what he does. Honey, they are going to support him any way he needs them to, no matter what they think. And I wouldn't put to much confidence in his friends or her "cousin."  Cousins aren't always of the most trustworthy in a family chain. In fact , they are the easiest broken. So, you are right I was hurt, but I wouldn't put it quite that mild. That is where your kind show their true colors. You knew what you were getting into and if you didn't then you had better have learned something. As for me my wounds go much deeper than "being hurt." Your mother can hurt you, your siblings can hurt you, co-workers hurt you. What happens to us the spouse, goes far deeper than anything you are experiencing. So, don't ever try to compare yourself to us!  That is, unless you plan on or hope to be us, one day.

Quote From: cityborn

Ladies,  

  

Lenamom may find this hard to believe, but I not only feel her pain and badly for HER, but I also feel badly for Mellynz.  If this man outwardly LIED to her, and she believed she was involved with a "free" man, then she is a VICTIM as well. Granted, they were not married and she hadn't experienced all the sacrifices for this man a wife makes thru years of marriage---------but, she was deceived too.   

I know there are heartless OW out there, who intentionally go after married men. Some do it for the shear thrill of having someone else's man.....and Lenamom, THOSE women I hate just as much as you seem to......and I think the utter disgust you emit in your posts to Mellynz is really aimed toward women like THAT.  OW who knowingly get involved with married men, and continue their involvement solely for their own selfish gratification will one day know the meaning of "what goes around, comes around".   As low as that may seem, it's the married man (or woman) who cheats and lies to his spouse ......now THAT'S the real scum !   Why would ANY wife want a man like that ?  

There wouldn't be any ow if commited men could keep their pants zipped. 

Quote From: ritehere

 Lenamom, you insist on being RIGHT in this arguement with mellynz. And mellynz truly feels that she was duped by this married man, (who she dumped as soon as she found out.) She feels RIGHT about her position too. No doubt mellynz harbors some feelings of guilt over her inability to know a liar and cheat when she saw one, but she does not feel guilt over being lied to by this guy, he did that, not her.
 I have to ask you, what is your goal in trying to get mellynz to admit to a guilt she does not and should not own? We all make mistakes, and mellynz took charge of hers instantly, instead of letting her feelings for this jerk convince her that it would all work out OK, somehow.
What is it about her story that rankles so? Would getting her to "confess" that she is in the wrong help you in any way? Is being RIGHT going to make something "right" in your life?