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Messages By: elffie

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November 29, 2005, 9:40 pm CST

Defining Your Authentic Self

Being a 22 year old married woman is great.  Being 22 and married and a mother of two young children is simply exhausting.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and our children very much, but I do remember a time when I loved to take photographs, read a book, or even write short stories.  Now, it seems like all I do is change diapers, feed, and clean.  However, I know that the time I spend with my family is limited and so I cherish every moment.  Children are young for only a short time, and I realized that I can still do the things that I loved doing.  Maybe it won't be everyday that I can do these things, but every once in a while won't hurt.  As I like to think of it, I have my own little subjects to pose for a picture or maybe even write a story about.  Who knows, they might even appreciate it when they get older....maybe. 

 
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November 29, 2005, 10:38 pm CST

All for Yoga and Tai Chi. . . while pregnant

I did Yoga when I was pregnant with my first child and Tai Chi when I was pregnant with my second.  I found both of these experiences made my pregnancies much more relaxing and I had more energy.  My recovery time was also faster, even with having cesarians.  Doing these excersises is a good time to listen to your body and finding out what it needs.
 
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December 1, 2005, 11:48 am CST

Scary, disgusted, Evil? Oh, my.

Quote From: meghansmom

Hi All,
  I am writing to you with some very scary information.  This started yesterday when I took my 5 year old daughter to Mc Donalds after school (this is our Monday thing).  I pulled the toy out of the bag before giving her her food, and when I saw the toy I was absolutely disgusted!  They are currently including toys called "W.I.T.C.H.", which is aboth a comic book and Disney Channel series, that depicts young girls practicing REAL WITCHCRAFT, not the Halloween playtime stuff.  Here is a link to the characters on Disney channel:
 http://tv.disney.go.com/jetix/witch/games/witchteamrescue/index.html

I am not a religious nut, but I believe in good and evil, right  and wrong, so I have to say something.
  This is just not acceptable to be geared at little girls!  Please make this information available. and contact your local McDonalds or their corporate office- McDonalds.com
It seems to me that you have fallen into the belief that witches are bad.  Remember the good witch off of Wizard of Oz?  What exactly makes you disgusted?  And what was scary?  And what was evil?  I'm sure your daughter seeing you react to that will only make her feel the same way you do.  And please, it's a cartoon, not the end of the world.  Today's society has made the witch seem this way and it seems the only time a witch can be seen is on Halloween, all ugly and old.  I am not a witch, I do not practice Wicca.  I am of the Old Ways and when I see parents always teaching their children that witches are bad or scary or evil it breaks my heart, for a "witch" in the old days was a healer.  A midwife.  She would help heal people with herbs.  Do you think doctors are evil when they are saving lives?  These are our modern day witches.
 
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December 1, 2005, 8:20 pm CST

instilling tolerance

Quote From: jettav

Whatever, I guess this could be considered "right to free speech" and if she and others are offended then they have the right to voice this. I personally will not allow my children to have the toy either, just like there will be absolutely no Harry Potter items in my home either. It is all in how we see things. In fact, we don't even celebrate Halloween becasue it only encourages our kids to go to strrrangers and ask for candy and it is about scary and evil, just look at the decorations. My children will never step foot in a haunted house becasue it is redicoulous. My point is, every one of us have our views and opinions and have the right to feel as we do, like some think that Halloween is nothing but fun, I think it needs to be banned, in the same way that this lady is against the with stuff, others might think it is ok, to each their own.

I am glad that you are instilling your values and beliefs into your children. However, what about teaching them to be respectful and tollerant of other cultures and beliefs? I understand your apprehenshion towards Halloween, I too feal that it has become very comercialized and far from it's original roots as a last harvest festival and day to remember our ancestors. In regards to Harry Potter and other forms of media I highly doubt that as your children get older you will be able to censor all items that do not meet your approval. They must be prepared to make their own judgements and be respectful to others when making those judgements. This country is full of varried and distinct cultures that have the same rights to practice their beliefs with the same courtesy that the main stream groups expect. We try to instill in our children that there are many different paths in life that people take and many different belief systems out there and they need to respect and acknowlage each and every one with the same courtesy that they expect of others. Good parenting involves being proactive with your children in regards to tolarance of other cultures and beliefs, and the parents set the example. 

  

 
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December 2, 2005, 8:16 am CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: jettav

I teach my children biblical values and morals and to respect others but at the same time to stand up for what they believe regardless of what others might think. it is my responsibility as the parent of my children to teach and to guide them in the way they should go and to teach actions come with consequences whether good or bad. My children are growing up in a Christian home and I will teach them as I see fit. They will eventually be out on their own and it is my hope and prayers that they will make wise decissions on how they live their lives. I am not prejudice against cultures but that does not mean that I have to go along with everything that others believe and what they practice. My post that was geared toward the witch post has nothing to do with speaking against other cultures and tolerance but encouraging to stick with our own convictions and not feeling that we have to be politically correct with society. Now, if a person wants to go out and practice witch craft that is their choice but I am not going to tell my kids that it is an ok thing to do as well as other things that I am against and I will back my beliefs with scripture and convictions as well as experiences in my life. I will not encourage my children to participate in something that is evil and against my faith as a christian as well as a mother, for that would be like me living one way but teaching another. No need to worry about my children when it comes to others and cultures, I have worked with several different cultures including those who worship buddah, but you bet, they knew better then to come to me and ask me to go worship with them but at the same time we respected each other, I never once have told these people that they were going to hell or whatever but I did not hesitate to tell them that I feel that they are worshipping a false God, therefore that is why I could never go with them. tolerance is loving and respecting others but at the same time not feeling pressured to conform, and this is what I will be teaching my kids. Some things just will not enter my home and as my children grow and mature, I will expect them to follow the rules of the home which is called respect and when they become adults they can decide how they want to live their lives and what they decide will be completely up to them as they will have been given the tools and info and such that they need and what they do with their teachings and up bringings is absolutely up to them. I am against witch craft and I expect things to do with that to be kept out of my home, it has nothing to do with tolerance of another person's belief. Believe me, I am the best parent, teacher and example for my children, I have been a part of "the world" and i know what is out there and I will do everything that I can to help my children grow in to good, mature adults and to encourage them to love, respect and be tolerarte of others but at the same time, not to give in to things just becasue society accepts it. We are ling in an everything goes society and my children have the right to know that not all things are right though society has a way of making them look like they are. Good parenting is loving and caring for our children and teaching and guiding them in to becoming good and productive adults, respecting and being honest and open with them and teaching them the difference between right and wrong, to encourage them to follow their hearts and making choices that will help them become the people that they are meant to be, and that is what me and my husband are doing. We also need to live by example and not be hypocritical in our teachings and able to back up our beliefs and teachings with answers and resources, being there for our children through ups and downs. I could go on and on with this but don't have the time.

Thank you for responding.  Even though we don't have the same religious beliefs we both want our children to grow into descent, respectful, independent people.  That is really the most important thing.  I've enjoyed reading your messages and understand where you are coming from.  Hopefully, all of our hard work as stay at home moms trying to instill our values will not be forgotten by our children as they become adults.  We clearly wish nothing but the best for them.  Have a good day, and a Happy Holiday! 

 
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December 2, 2005, 9:26 pm CST

Don't give up yet

Quote From: acscd21

Me and my husband have been married since I was 18 and know I'm  21 and we have 2 good kids, since our last baby 10 months ago we don't have sex anymore and he thinks he just goes to work come home and go to bed,  he hates when I ask him to do something with me  and the kids and I'm just about to give up on my marriage I don't know what else to do I mean when we got married  he was the sweet guy everybody wanted and we got married in Aug and had the baby that November and he wanted to be the dad but know it seems like he hates us..  I need help..

Married at age 18 and have two kids and are now 21?  You sound a lot like myself.  I am 22.  I was married to my husband when we were 18 and we just had our second child three months ago.  Does your husband work a lot of hours at a stressfull work enviroment?  I'm asking because my husband works 48 hours a week and most of time he is too tired to do anything.  I have gotten on his case a lot of times because I too felt that he wasn't making enough effort to spend time with us.  He thought that all he needed to do was just go to work.  Well, I stay at home with the kids all day and I don't get a day off like he does.  Our sex life fluctuates.  Sometimes he's too tired, sometimes I'm too tired.  But recently it has plumented.  So I talked with him about it and he said that all the financial obligations are what is triggering him not being in the mood everytime.  He is a manager and his job is very stressfull and that takes a big toll on a person. And I believe him, hell, we are 22 years old and have two kids.  We do not want anymore children, but yet that could still happen.  Maybe it's the same situation with your husband.  I'm sure he doesn't hate you.  Don't give up yet, just talk to him.  Don't badger him in to telling every detail right now (my husband is the type that likes to be alone for awhile).  When we have arguments and it gets to the point where it could turn ugly, we take a break, collect our thoughts, and then finish.  I hope this helps you, and if you ever want to talk I'm here.  It sounds like we have a lot in common. 

 
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December 4, 2005, 8:02 am CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: jettav

it is early Sunday morning which I am never on this thing on Sunday's as it is a busy and family day, but I suppose that is what I get for going to sleep at 830 at night and now I am up bright and early and need a break already LOL............................... I honestly do not get on this thing to offend others as I am actually the easy going type person but I do stick up for my beliefs and convictions and sometimes I can get a little bold with what I believe and when I feel that others think I (any one for that matter) should just "conform" to the ways of society just becasue "every one is doing it" type attitude, that bothers me. I have reasons for my beliefs as does every one and I believe God puts convictions in our lives for various reasons, maybe to help us to trust and depend on Him more but for what ever reason, we must all learn to accept the differences of others and just because we don't celebrate, worship, believe (whatever) the same as one another, there is still such a thing as respect. Maybe I have done to much studying and research as far as some people are concerned (in which I have been told) but whatever the case, I have a happy and caring home and I intend to keep it this way. ........................... We also have to realize that the postings here are basically just "words" though they do have meaning behind them but as individuals who do not know each other personally, it can certainly be easy to read a post and get a whole different meaning from it becasue of the way we read them, I think for my self, It might depend on my mood for the day, I don't know. Any way, life goes on...........................I go by Jetta and I have two little girls Amy (hehehe)who will be 5 the third of Feb. and Anna who will be 3 the third of Jan. I have been married for almost 13 years to Ed who is a wonderful loving and caring father and husband and my family is the joy of my life and as I have stressed many times on these boards, parenting may not always be easy but we are all actually in the same boat, trying our best to love, care and guide our children into becoming the great and productive adults that God himself had intended them to be...............................Well, I gotta go and get showered and get the family up and ready to go, a big day at church today and the evening is full as welL.......................... At least I got a whole bunch of sleep and I am not tired for the day, I am ready to tackle the day. :)
Hello,  I read that your children are going to be three and five next year( my son also turns 3 on January 3rd) and I have to ask if you find it hard to give equal amount of time to each.  My youngest is going to be 4months on the 15 of this month and I already find it hard to balance time between them.  We do a lot of things together and of course, they both want alone time with mommy.  I'm just wondering how you handle it and maybe help with some suggestions.
 
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December 4, 2005, 9:41 pm CST

Time is running out...

Quote From: redy4help

I am all set to be married in one week to a man that I have been with for 7 years.  I am in my mid thirties.  He is a good, good man - everyone loves him - there are no issues of abuse, addictions, he is better at housework than me, and is very respectful. But we lack passion, and always have, and I have always felt in the back of my mind that I was 'settling', even though I didn't want to admit it.  About 1 month ago I started to feel panic at the idea of marriage.  It 'coincided' at a time when I had the opportunity to get to know someone I've always 'admired' from afar - and there was definate chemistry.  Through a group activity with mutual friends, we spent an evening laughing and goofing around and having a TON of fun together.   I had more fun with him that evening, and felt more of a connection with him than I have EVER felt with my fiance.  He finally asked if I was 'okay' and said I didn't seem like a bride about to get married - at which point our discussion turned to the obvious mutual attraction between us.   I walked around in a daze for a week or so until I finally talked to my fiance about the fact I was having 2nd thoughts about the wedding and nerves.  I didn't mention the attraction to someone else as I think in a lot of ways it is kind of irrelevant and would just be hurtful right now.  He suggested we go and see a local pastor to talk and we did, and I went to a couple of counselling sessions to try and sort through normal 'pre-wedding' nerves and serious doubt.  I have always felt in our relationship that I have 'pushed' things along (self esteem) and that he was never really in-love with me but that we have grown to a point of loving each other very much.    I feel like we are 'comfortable' and 'content' but that I have 'given myself away' somewhat in this relationship, and I felt with this new 'attraction' that I was finding myself again.  I guess its the age-old dilemma - to commit to marriage with a good, comfortable, man who will always treat me right, but lacking in passion and spark and excitement, or to pursue love with what feels like a soulmate.     We have spoken about postponing the wedding - not breaking up but postponing until we feel like we can talk all of this through and then decide if we are going to get married that we'll both do it knowing it's the best thing ever. - but I know he doesn't want to postpone- that he would be embarrassed as friends and family are travelling to the event.    

  

But I guess it comes down to this question: Should I take that walk down the aisle, and pledge our lives to each other before God, with all the doubts and fears as they are right now,  knowing that these issues aren't going to go away on their own and  thinking that 'well, we'll just keep working through this stuff and find out if the marriage will work or not?' .....or should we postpone - as painful and embarrassing that will be for everyone with such short notice - and make sure that when we do take that walk down the aisle that we are as sure as any couple can be when they pledge their love to one another.   

  

I am running out of time to make this decision - I wont leave him at the alter, so need to make a decision now!!  Any one been through the same thing as me??  Advice?? 

I don't know if my post will help, but I think you need a reply.  Why have you waited so long when you have had so many doubts?  I understand you being so upset, I would be too if I was to be wed in a week and didn't want to.  If the tables were turned, wouldn't you want him to be honest with you?  I don't think that getting married and "just working through this stuff and find out if the marriage will work or not" is a good idea.  You could be years down the line with children and then it will affect not only you and your husband but your children as well.  If you truly do not want to get married then don't.  Don't worry about everyone and how embarrassing it will be if you decide to postpone the wedding, it is not their lives, it is yours.  When you do get married, don't you want to have good memories and the feeling that you really did marry the right person at the right time?  Hope this helps and I hope that you make a desicion that is true to your heart.
 
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December 4, 2005, 10:00 pm CST

Too young for true love? I think not.

Quote From: firstamom

What is true love?  True love is when 2 people who are completely at ease with themselves, and who love themselves come into a relationship and can see the other person with eyes wide open.  They see the amazing things that person has to offer and they see that persons flaws - they CHOOSE to love that person.  Love is work.  I love my husband more than I ever thought I could love another person.  He is my best friend, he is my lover, he is my soul mate - he adds to my life without taking anything away.  I have not sacrificed anything for my relationship... because when you give to your true love - it is not a sacrifice - it is a love offering.  True love is when you are both willing to pull down walls that life has taught you to build - it is trusting that other person not to intentionally hurt you.   

  

Love at first sight?  Yes, I believe that there is love at first sight.  I loved my son at first sight, I loved my mother at first sight.  However, the kind of love that grows between a couple takes time... it takes getting to know one another.  The spark that you feel when you find "the one" - is the indicator that you're willing to TRY to get to know this person so that you CAN love them. 

  

Is it possible to cheat on your true love?  Yes.  Love takes work.  Love is like anything else - you get out of it what you put into it - the hard part is that both people have to be working on it from all sides - otherwise someone feels like they are giving too much and eventually either gives up or finds another place to focus that energy.  And it's then that affairs happen.  Communicate - talk, touch, write letters, journal.  Write down all the things that you love about your Significant Other.  Write down all the things that they do that fill you up.  When a time comes (and it will) that they can't give 100% - read your journal and remember WHY you fell in love with that person.  Remember that the average of a relationship is 50/50 - but that most of the time someone is giving 60 and someone else is giving 40.   

I agree with this post all the way.  Most people think that love will always work out by itself, but it  is work.  I have been married since I was 18, I am now 22 and my husband and I have two wonderful children.  We have been with each other for a total of 6 years now.   When we decided that we wanted to get married some people told us we "were too young", and "you don't know what your getting yourself into".  But you know what?  I didn't care what anyone thought, I knew I loved my husband from the first day I saw him and I knew we would be together forever.  Like I always say," It doesn't matter your age, what matters is your maturity".  I think that we are some of the few respectful, responsible, knowledgable people for our age group. We have had some bumps along the way, but what married couple doesn't?  No marriage is perfect.  I am lucky to be his, as he is lucky to be mine.  I am fortunate that I did find my true love, someone to go through the ups and downs with, someone to be by my side, someone who would do something silly when I am being too serious.  We balance each other and balance is good. 
 
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December 4, 2005, 10:22 pm CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: jettav

My girls are 23 months apart and though it could be a challenge, I would not change it at all. I always made sure that when the baby was sleeping or content, I would spend that time with my oldest. Bath time was Amy and mommy time, daddy would take care of the baby during this time. When the baby was in need of attention, My oldest would watch/help or I would set her up with a favorite activity for a bit, she was fine and happy...........Now that they are going on 3 and 5, they play together and are like best buddies but of course at this age, they argue some, but for the most part, we do not have problems. I make sure that I spend individual time with them off and on during the day, When they are playing individually, I take advantage of that time and will go over to one and spend some time with her and then I will go to the other as well. Sometimes, I will go out and take one of the girls with me and the other stays with daddy, My oldest is in preschool 3 days a week and of course I take her to school and we sing, chat, work on Bible verses on the way then I come home and spend time with the little one. We read and dance daily and sometimes one will leave the room to go do another activity and that leaves me with the other. I take advantage of every moment that I can, I don't stress about it, it just happens. I think as your kids grow older, chances are it will get easier as they will both have times that they will be playing alone and you can take that time and spend with them individually. I am lucky and blessed to have theri father around to help out (when he can, of course) and that helps a lot, hopefully you have that advantage as well. Leave the baby home with him for a an hour or so and take your oldest to the store with you, or an activity and spend alont time together and of course when the baby gets older, you will have to do the same with him, they will have to take turns :). I think you will see a difference as they grow older as your little one, I am sure is still very demanding of your time as most babies are, just always remind your oldest how special he is and that he is a great big brother and he will be fine...........gotta go, my youngest is sad. :( Have a nice night)Hope I helped some, maybe I will think of other things later or I am sure others will as well.
Thank you for your input.  My husband works 48 hours a week so I don't have his help as much as I would like, but on his days off he is a big help.  He spends time with our son and daughter while I get a little break.  Breaks are good.  My son will go and do things on his own so that gives me time with my daughter, but she's not old enough to do things on her own yet so I get a half an hour to an hour at a time alone with my son when she naps.  I think I'm still adjusting to there being two now instead of one.  Anyway, just wanted to say thanks, gotta go now.
 

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