Messages By: elffie

Quote From: jettav

My girls are 23 months apart and though it could be a challenge, I would not change it at all. I always made sure that when the baby was sleeping or content, I would spend that time with my oldest. Bath time was Amy and mommy time, daddy would take care of the baby during this time. When the baby was in need of attention, My oldest would watch/help or I would set her up with a favorite activity for a bit, she was fine and happy...........Now that they are going on 3 and 5, they play together and are like best buddies but of course at this age, they argue some, but for the most part, we do not have problems. I make sure that I spend individual time with them off and on during the day, When they are playing individually, I take advantage of that time and will go over to one and spend some time with her and then I will go to the other as well. Sometimes, I will go out and take one of the girls with me and the other stays with daddy, My oldest is in preschool 3 days a week and of course I take her to school and we sing, chat, work on Bible verses on the way then I come home and spend time with the little one. We read and dance daily and sometimes one will leave the room to go do another activity and that leaves me with the other. I take advantage of every moment that I can, I don't stress about it, it just happens. I think as your kids grow older, chances are it will get easier as they will both have times that they will be playing alone and you can take that time and spend with them individually. I am lucky and blessed to have theri father around to help out (when he can, of course) and that helps a lot, hopefully you have that advantage as well. Leave the baby home with him for a an hour or so and take your oldest to the store with you, or an activity and spend alont time together and of course when the baby gets older, you will have to do the same with him, they will have to take turns :). I think you will see a difference as they grow older as your little one, I am sure is still very demanding of your time as most babies are, just always remind your oldest how special he is and that he is a great big brother and he will be fine...........gotta go, my youngest is sad. :( Have a nice night)Hope I helped some, maybe I will think of other things later or I am sure others will as well.

Quote From: rhon91520

 Recently I found out that  I am having a boy for my 2nd child. We are very excited because we have a 20month old daughter. My husband chose "Cazic" for a name if it was to be a boy.  Well, that's not the bad part... During my sonogram to find out what the sex of my baby was they showed us his penis and we were thrilled. Funny in the moment, our son stuck his hand on his penis and plan as day, smiled! We all thought this hilarious and my husband thought it even funnier for our son's middle name to be "Johnson" since thats what he liked to play with. I thought it to be a joke at first but now he is VERY  serious. My worry is that my son will be picked on when explaining his name in school.  I'm sure a teenage boy will think it funny and be quite proud of his name. Even more, a so-called friend of ours has nicknames for all of our friends from "Testicles" for Tess,  "Semen-Jay" for CJ, and even a 5yr old child he calls "Codfish". I find these degrading and do not want my children to suffer on someone's sick humor. How can I handle this in the future since my husband won't budge off the name?

Quote From: suvituuli

I live here in Finland where the government pays the mum maternity leave up till the baby reaches ten months old, then because the daycare centres are full they pay home care help till the baby reaches the age of three. Extras we might receive is if you have more than one child under the age of three you recive 84euros and over the age of three 50euros up till the child goes to school, in this case 7 years of age. In certain towns you can receive extra help on top of this home care help depending on how much the husband brings in only If you worked before getting pregnant.  

The father gets 18 days paternity leave which he can take within the first 10 months after the baby has been  born.  

If the wife returns to work after 10 months, the husband can get another 12 days paternity leave. 

There is so much that is unfair if you are a stay at home mum, you do not recieve the extra money just to stay at home with the children and the husband doesn't get the extra 12 days paternity leave. 

I do not understand women that have children and then dump them in these daycare centres. Do they have children just for show, that  on the outside they are happy families. Its not right. Children need their parents around them, to care for them. They need quality and quantity time from their parents, not gifts and lots of money. As you quite often see kids rather play with the boxes than the presents inside the box. 

I am a stay at home mum and proud of it, tired because I have four daughters ages 9, 7, 3 and 9mnths but still happy that I am taking care of them. I just this week witnessed my youngest beginning to take her first steps and got it all on video. If she was in daycare I would certainly have missed this event.  

For all of you out there that want to stay at home and take care of your baby, my advice to you would be STAY AT HOME at all costs because you will be missing your baby's first smile, first tooth, turning over, sitting up, crawling, standing, first sep and so much more. Dont miss it, it goes by so quickly and you can never get it back. 

Quote From: luck1523

I'm not sure where to begin or if I'm posting in the right place, but anyway a year ago I gave birth to my daughter at age 17. I decided to keep my child. My parents never knew until about a week before I gave birth. Her father and I love eachother very much, but unfortunately my parents did not and still do not love him. They never liked him even before they found he got me pregnant, because he was "not our type". My fiance is hispanic and my parents wanted me to be with someone white and rich. Anyway, my daughter was born overseas so they decided that the only way they would support me was if they came back to the US with the baby and said it was their own and that she was born by a surrogate mother. Anyway at that point I had to finish highschool and my daughters' father and I decided that it was important for her future and mine to finish highschool so we went along with their plans. My parents never let him see her and just assumed that he wasnt interested because I never mentioned him for fear they would throw me out. I never mentioned I was still seeing him or that he knew about our daughter. We just kept quiet because after all she was only an infant and wouldnt remember anything during her first year of life and we needed to prepare for her future, he worked and I studied. 

  

Now her father and I would like to begin our lives together even though it will be very tough we think we can make it. I just dont want to hurt my parents and sisters again. They want me to move on and pretend like my daughter is my sister and forget that her father ever existed. I do not think it is right, its not what I want to do and I dont think it is healthy for my daughter. My fiance thinks its so easy for me to just stand up to my parents and tell them what we want to do and that I'm moving out, but I am really scared because my parents have tried to kill eachother and themselves and get into brutal emotional and physical arguements. Their the type of people that you really can not reason with or talk to. So I am just looking for some support or constructive criticism from anyone out there as this is a difficult time for me. I mean am I wrong to think that me and my fiance and our daughter can make it on our own? He is 21 and working, I am 18 and in college and I am sure as soon as we tell his parents they will support us but I do not think my parents will support us and I know that when I tell them they will say the cruelest things you can think of, but they are still my parents and I take their opinions to heart. Am I wrong or are they, I just dont think its right for them to teach my daughter that they are her parents and teach her to call them mom and dad when she already has her own biological parents willing to be with her and raise her and be our own family. Even if they didnt teach her that, I still think that if I love her father and he loves me we should be able to get our chance at being married and a family instead of them just telling me that I am too young to know anything. Legally they dont have a say anymore over me or my daughter because they never legally adopted her or anything of the sort. Anyway I just would like some feedback. Thanks! 

Quote From: lifeform

Hi!   

I think it might be helpful to have some family counseling on this one. You and your husband could go. 

  

  I have a brother-in-law who is an alcoholic and he can only have "supervised" visits with his grandchildren. His daughter started out not letting him see them at all. This caused worsened drinking bouts and more depression, she decided to try and make an effort  by always being present when the children were with him. It seems to be working out pretty well now. 

 I'm just suggesting that you set rules...make them clear...you then have control over leaving when you choose...the child is protected by you...and the nap issue can certainly be worked out.  

The reason I suggest some counseling is that we, most of the time, never find out all the reasons why people drink..in other words..abuse themselves and make others miserable.  

  

Interventions are possible and some work very well. It must be planned and must be in the best interest of the people involved...then followed to the letter. If a family as a whole is willing to do it then they must stick by all the rules...no contact....depriving the persons of their presence, etc. If the family is willing to take this on ,then, of course, all must do it in order for it to work. Not all families are as committed to it as one might see on television or in the movies. It is very serious business with varied results and complications. It's a great tool and can be one of the best as long as everyone is clear about what steps must be taken and sticking to the agenda.  

  

You and your husband, then, must decide if you wish to take steps to keep the child away from them on your own..or...the entire family must come together and make a committment. Many times one or two people try to lay down the law to alcoholics, they sometimes find themselves all alone in doing so.  

  

The matter with your child must be addressed by the two you. If you truly believe that these people love this child.(which doesn't mean because they do that they won't drink, put the child in a car, and place him in danger..that's what alcoholism is) then perhaps letting them see him with supervision could be the first step. You then will be there to ward off any danger, to assess how the child is being affected, and then will be able to take appropriate action. It may be hard to plan these visits, but, as we know, any child is worth that.  

  

I know that my brother-in-law loves his grandchildren. He is a stubborn, selfish man. But, we have seen a different side of him when he is able to enjoy the kids. Maybe he doesn't deserve it, but,  to me, his daughter is to be commended for thinking outside that box...or to say...looking in to the heart. So far it is going well, I'm sure that isn't always the case with everyone. That is why I think counseling is so important.  

  

You could shorten the length of visits and then perhaps have more visits.  It's possible that they love him, but, they can't sustain several hours with a three-year-old without needing to put him down for a nap, then, a few drinks for them!  PLEASE don't think I am making light of this,because I am not!    My daughter has 3 really good kids....ages 5, 2, and 7 months. I love them with all my heart, but, after a few hours...even I could stand a stiff one!  

  

As you can see..I keep bringing up the issue here of "love". If you and your husband feel that they don't really care about the child..if it's not important that he sustain a relationship with them..then that's a different story.  

  

We had a person in our family with a doctorate degree...witty..likeable..loving. Everyone in our family was afraid to do an intervention. After all, he was the brightest and best to come along in many years. I use to tell them all the time..."Yeah, the smartest one in the family is drinking himself to death..what's wrong with that picture?"   

  

Fear of alienation is a tremendous deterent to the right thing ...and even more so when it involves...family.  

  

Good Luck to you..I hope this all works out for everyone! 

  

  

  

  

Quote From: ritehere

 I've been doing some reading on Buddhism and looking for a meditation center close by. So far they are all too far away to attend regularly. I would like to participate in a more communal setting as my meditations so far have been self guided. I have always kept myself aside from religions, learning things about different ones without committing to any. In my life I've recieved a message that it doesn't matter what we believe, whether it's "real" or not "real", what counts is that we get the message, which is much the same in all the major religions. I was happy to find that Buddhism embraces this very concept! But it seems that Buddhism, like other religions, also has it's radical adherants. On the whole though, it's been a very rewarding experience. I also believe wholeheartedly in the teachings of Jesus Christ.