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Messages By: jaklyn1055

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November 29, 2005, 12:38 pm CST

Abstain if you don't want a pregnancy

Quote From: tayla69

As I sat and watched this show with my husband, I kept saying the same thing to him.  If you were that "UNSURE" of someone not telling the truth about taking the pill, surely you would wear a condom everytime you  had sexual contact with them.  WHY didn't Dr. Phil ask him that question??? Just because he asked a "half a dozen times" are you on the pill and she answered yes...something in his gut was telling him to keep asking.  He should of told Stacy in order to ensure we do not create a child, I am going to wear a condom.  But to me, the same old story is being said here.  He would rather hope she is taking care of not getting pregnant, and not have the pleasure of the sex taken away from him by having to wear a condom everytime they had sexual contact.  Or as some men say, "It takes too long to do that and to have to stop at that moment"  I was surprised Dr. Phil never addressed this with the man.  What Stacy did is WRONG WRONG WRONG!! 

Also, stepping up to the plate and marrying someone you were on the verge of breaking up with just because they became pregnant is not doing the right thing.  Two wrongs don't make it right.  He could of been there for the child, paid child support and had shared parenting.  I have told both of my grown daughters how to ensure an unplanned pregnancy does not occur, and have said if it does happen DONT GET MARRIED for this reason.  I would definitely and strongly advice my daughters to stay single in a situation as this.  Too many men say, "I HAD to marry you, not that I wanted to but that I HAD TOO"!  No body should have to have that said to them!  I think Dr. Phil dropped an essential part of this discussion and could of REMINDED men to wear a condom and part take in the responsibility of preventing a birth......even if the woman says she has it covered...why even ask, just assume to always wear one!!! 

 I agree!  Derek obviously didn't trust Stacy if he kept asking if she was using bc, admits that their relationship was rocky. Why was he having sex with her? Dr. Phil seemed to place no responsibility on Derek's part. If your 100% sure you're not ready to deal with a pregnancy, then don't have sex with her. It's the only 100% sure way not to get her pregnant with your baby. What Stacy did was very wrong, but Derek needs to "own up to his responsibility" in this situation. I thought Dr. Phil came across a little sexist on this show- he was a little soft on Steve but he grilled Stacy and made statements to Derek such as "Aren't you outraged?!"  He should have asked him "Why were you sleeping with her if the relationship was rocky?"  He made a choice- he had sex with her, she got pregnant. Kudo's to him for trying to do the right thing, but he needs to continue to do the right thing and stop feeling sorry for himself and step up to the plate and put the child first, which is to have a dad around at home. The past was deplorable, but can't be changed. As Dr. Phil says "This relationship needs a hero."  You had sex, you have a son (regardless of the deception). Grow up and stop wallowing in pity.
 
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October 28, 2007, 8:55 am CDT

Maybe Robin McGraw's sister could give us advice.

Quote From: traumaqueen45

I know just how these ladies feel.  I have not spoken about this outside of my immediate family until now.    When I was younger, I was teased about being ugly, even by my own siblings.  When I reached my twenties and men found me attractive, I began to think I was and my confidence rose.  One of the men I dated was very attractive and my sister wondered why he was dating me and not her because 'she was better looking.'  I soon moved away from the negative forces in my life and I went back to college in my 30's and became an LPN.  That also helped my confidence.    Now I am 53 and disabled due to toxic chemicals that I was exposed to at work. I rarely go out in public.  Not only because of my fear of exposure to products that make me sick, but also because I no longer resemble the woman I once was.  I have gained 50 pounds since I became ill.  I think I am a fat ugly pig.  I initially gained weight when I was put on several courses of steroids due to health problems and have been unable to get the weight off, even though I walked all summer long with little success.  Exercise for me in the wintertime is hard because I also have CFIDS and fibromyalgia which seem to worsen in the cold winter months.   I was recently diagnosed with heart and lung problems and even walking leaves me short of breath, so I now wear oxygen. I do have a treadmill, but rarely use it, because trying to avoid the oxygen tubing is also a pain.   I have thought of plastic surgery, but after a woman I used to work with mentioned she was trying to find help to remove excess skin from her abdomen after gastric bypass, I gave up my dream of having plastic surgery to help her.   I am alone all day long and have minimal conversation with my husband at night because he comes home long enough to eat, watch an hour or two of TV and then he's off to bed.  My 'friends' are limited to my internet.  I have other family members that live nearby, but they are busy with their lives, so I do not see them either unless we run into each other accidentally.   That's my life and I am so tired of it.  I want to feel good about myself again, but whenever I look in the mirror or step on the scales, I hate myself all over again.
I have the same feelings as you. I live in Oklahoma, where Robin's sister lives and I feel so superficial when I think of her. She was very disfigured by having acid thrown on her face while driving under an overpass. Dr Phil has had her on her program and she was very inspirational. But then I feel like a failure and so shallow because I can't apply that to myself.

It is such a relief, in a way, to know that there are others like me. I never was completely happy with my looks but I was considered atractive when I was younger- cheerful, girl-next-door looks. Seven years ago when we lost our farm and home we stopped being able to afford medical and dental care. I've lost my front teeth, my dimples disappeared and now there's a permanent frown no matter how hard I try. I'm about your age- 52.  I have an absolute phobia about looking at myself in the mirror. I haven't been to the hairdresser for the past 7 years because it would require me to sit and look at myself in the mirror, besides not being able to afford it. I almost never go out of my house anymore. I've stopped going to church because I'm too ashamed of how I look, even though I know God doesn't care. Are you like me- you've wanted to write Dr Phil but on the rare chance you might get picked, you know that there's not any way that you could appear on national TV. How horrible it would be to watch the videos of yourself! It makes me feel so shallow and superficial. I too am overweight about 50 pounds and I have the opposite problem of you- I get so hot when I exercise that I feel like I can't breathe. My eyelids droop so low now that I can hardly see and to me it looks like I have little pig eyes in a fat face. My intimacy with my husband really suffers- not because of him- he tries to tell me I'm beautiful to him- but then I imagine what my face looks like when we're making love and it makes me physically ill where I will have to vomit.

I look at old pictures of myself and wonder where I went. Do you feel like you just exist anymore and that's it? That's how I feel- I don't really have a death wish but I do feel like I'm slowly ceasing to exist and just waiting to die. I checked out Dr Phil's book "Self Matters" from the library and I think that it could help but for some reason I'm having a hard time getting through it. I really hope this program give us some concrete ways to help ourselves.

I can be your friend online if you like. Maybe we can all form a support group and learn to help ourselves. I am lucky that I have a very supportive and loving family but I don't really tell any of them how bad I feel and how much I hate my looks. I'm very close to my two grown daughters and I know they are getting worried about me because I never leave home anymore- I just tell them I'm a homebody. My daughters are very beautiful- I feel like the old brood mare that the breeder states "This old mare isn't much to look at but her offspring are very nice."  I am sick of my self-pity- another thing that  makes me dislike myself.

I am thinking and praying for you- really everybody on this board.
 
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December 1, 2007, 10:02 am CST

Son is anorexic-picky eater

 I'm interested in the girl who is a picky eater and wants to eat normal. Dr Phil has had anorexic females on but never an anorexic male. My son is anorexic, not because of negative body image, but because he just can't eat and doesn't know why. He's been this way since he was about 5 and is now 17. He desparately wants to eat like a normal male. He has a very very limited list of foods that he will eat and is very skinny and hates it. I worked with my Dr when he was young and it seemed like none of the usual behavior techniques would work. My Dr finally told me to stop worrying about it because he ate cheese, cottage cheese, apples, brocolli and bread and he said that was a healthy diet and thought he would grow out of it. He hasn't. I took him to a therapist for a few months when he was 10 and the therapist said he had severe anxiety and stress that manifested in an eating disorder. He has been through a lot of trauma in his life. My husband was a farmer and because of the drought we lost our farm and home. Before that he farmed with his brother who was a rageaholic and my son witnessed some very ugly treatment to his dad from his uncle and other family members. The family disowned us. His dad was a suicide threat for two years, and as much as I tried to protect him, I know he picked up on my fear and anxiety. We've been fairly poor since then and have had trouble putting our lives back together after the loss, so it makes sense that his eating disorder is stress-related.

His biggest problem is eating meat. He's such a good kid and never complains but he's so embarassed by his "problem"  that he fears things like our church potlucks because someone always says something about how little he eats. Occasionally he does get very hungry like a normal 17-year -old and will eat a whole pizza (he does love pizza) but that's not very often. Over the years we've been able to add chicken (certain kinds) bacon and eggs but it's very rare that he's hungry enough to eat it. He's so embarassed to be like this and hates it. One time at a youth camp his girlfriend was able to get him to eat a hamburger (she's very understanding)  and that was a huge thing for him and he called me so excited. He hasn't been able to since and doesn't know why.

I really hope I get some answers from Dr Phil on this because no doctor has been able to help him. Uh oh he just came in and saw this message and says that he is very embarassed but gave me his okay to send this
 

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