Messages By: msomeone2

There was another post responding to you that I thought I responded to, but I must have hit "cancel" instead of post (was tired). The gist of it was that I did not get that it was the 400 smacks (in the chin) every month that you took issue with, that it appeared you would gladly take your daughter into your home, which would ultimately cost more each month. The issue was with the character of the mother of the daughter.

When a man does it, they call it "Stalking", and women are admonished to get away from the situation at all costs (stalkers are dangerous and unpredictable). When a woman does it, it is still stalking. I get the double standard you have been trying to point out in earlier posts. I also disappeared from a stalker. Even changed my name. There were no anti-stalker laws in my state at the time. I assume there were none where you were either, or she would have been charged with stalking you. Pregnant or not. Sitting in wait outside your home. Contacting your neighbors and coworkers on an ongoing basis. This woman went to great extents, to locate your relatives and to contact them too is extreme. The focus against you is that you left a baby. Truth is, you left a stalker. If a person has never been stalked, they have little basis of understanding what it does to a person, same with rape or living in an abusive home, however there is a show empathy if, such as I, the victim is a woman. I have empathy to you, because I have a basis of understanding of what you did, which you are being condemned for on this board. If you were a woman, it would be alright for you to have disappeared. It was what you needed to do at the time, the better option than the 11 story drop off the face of the earth. I commend you on your comeback from the abyss.

My mother was a hoarder. When my mother passed away in 1999, it took me 3 months to sort and clean the years of accumulation. There was a lot of garbage mixed in with what was mainly given to charity in her area. Although putting a positive spin on it (Treasure Hunting, and because I knew it was honoring her to let someone use those things that she said someone may need this someday), it was an overwhelming and depressing thing to accomplish. A daunting task. I will grant it would not have been as difficult if my siblings would have helped me, but they would rather have thrown the good out with the bad, as they only had bitter memories from the childhood filled with her clutter of boxes, bags, piles everywhere in the useable space of our childhood home. We grew up knowing it was not a good thing. End is I took on the task out of love for my mom. YOU WOULD THINK THAT WOULD BE THAT. My mother passed away, but long ago, as with many pack-rats, passed on the trait to hoard things, with no rational reality to the chaos, my siblings deal with their tendencies too. My experience has given me a reason to get my life in order, I do not want to pass either the trait, nor the experience of leaving a huge messy legacy for my children to keep or clean up after me (Mom still had clothing from my grandmother when she passed away). I love my children more than anything in my house. I hope my story will give others an insight into a reason to get a grip on hoarding things, there is a legacy to your children either way. My 19 year old son knows I struggle to overcome my hoarding, he sees my work to accomplish this goal, and is proud of my accomplishments as I go along. My hope is that he will not pick up the behavior, and I see he has no problem tossing things that are useless to him, no guilt that maybe someone else could use it. That may not be resourceful, but it is healthier than where I come from. I still have plenty of guilty twinges for him.

I AM NOT GOING TO SAY THERE IS NO TIME OR PLACE TO BE A BITCH, but, in my opinion, most situations do not require it, and the results may not be as great as all that. What I want to share are personal observations over years. WHAT DR. PHIL SAID ABOUT EATING SNOT, ever watch "Caught on Tape"? They show people spitting, even blowing their nose into food, and in one case a bartender stirred a drink with his penis. I doubt I ever ate snot, if I am not happy with service, I am always polite to wait-staff, not attacking or blaming them "You must be very busy" empathy is always a great way to get your service upped a couple degrees, Empathy almost always works. Be nice to wait-staff, they remember the best and the worst customers next time too. FROM WORKING REGISTERS AT AN AARP PRESCRIPTION PICKUP COUNTER, one woman still stands out for her tirade. She came in blasting, did not communicate well, got what she asked for, which was not what she wanted (surprise), a number of people passed her off to others, not wanting to deal with her (no surprise). She was on High Blood Pressure meds (NO DUH!!). Blowing your gaskets on a regular basis to get results by being a bad ass has physiological ramifications, as opposed to the long stream of studies that show optimists and happy people have less stress related health problems and tend to live longer happier lives. Other customers actually made empathetic comments to all the staff over this woman. There were many people remembered for their wonderful personalities as well, and always a joy to help. WORKING AT A CREDIT CARD CUSTOMER SERVICE CALL CENTER, I found out that those people you call and burn over the coals would do only the minimum that they have to for the ranting bitch. I never personally attack the person answering the phone, if I know I am emotional, so they know I am not making it personal, I will even tell them "I know you did not do this, I am just upset". I explain the situation and what I want done about it. If they are not allowed to do it, I ask for a supervisor who has the authority. I can not recall a single time, be it the phone company, or my credit cards where I have not been helped, and over 85% of the time "I am also going to do + and + for you as well, it will show on your next statement". That is exactly what I saw happening with my coworkers. Bend over backwards for nice people, look for that extra thing that the caller did not know could be done too. It is human nature to get the bitch off the line ASAP with the minimum of service required (that passive thing Dr. Phil talked of working against all bitches everywhere). IN THE PERSONAL ARENA, Dr Phil mentioned people who have any personal worth would not put up with it. True. In my circle of friends, there is a woman who cohabits with her daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. Her daughter is not much different than some of the women on the show, also a self proclaimed and proud of it bitch. She is such a negative part to any get together. It would be nice if we could invite her husband to events without her, or our friend; can't. Instead, they are not informed of many of the get togethers in the circle, just so the bitch is not there to ruin everyone else's time together. Bitches get ostracized. Human nature. MY SISTER IS PROUD OF HER BITCHINESS as well. I do not go out of my way to contact her; I grew tired of the crap years ago. Realizing that talking with her did not make any difference, would only fuel more tirades and more bitchy gossip to others behind my back, I just walked away from the abuse. That is what people with any self-esteem do when they know there is nothing that will change the abusive situation. One time I told her I did not want to hear her crap and was going to hang up, which I did. Immediately she left numerous messages full of cussing and abusive name calling, never getting the point that I was not going to take her crap. So, there were attempts before the final decision to walk away. PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE BEING TREATED LIKE CRAP, even those who tolerate it do not like it. Bitches go through friends like I go through underwear. It is harder to leave a relative than someone who is not family, so guess what, people walk away from non-family bitches all the time, ever see the bumper sticker “mean people suck”? Bitches are mean; they just are so full of their bitchy pride to notice the other people, having left them behind on the road of life, came out ahead. CLEARLY ASKING FOR SPECIFIC RESULTS, and listening to be sure you have been understood, being friendly the whole time. Most of the time I get more than I am asking for. That is assertiveness as opposed to aggressiveness. Assertive women do not have to be mean to get results, the results are better all around, and people are unscathed after the interaction. A WOMAN I KNEW WOULD GET FREE STUFF almost everywhere she went, at a Home Show in our city, she came out with a new massage machine with attachments, free to her. How? Personal charm. She asked the people who were demonstrating it on her if she could give them a massage too. They were so impressed that she was the only person the whole weekend to think of them; later she asked, and they gave her the demo machine they had been using, which could not be sold anyway. This was not an unusual result for her. She was way overweight, but dressed classy, and had a good healthy self respect, so it was not because she was just too sexy to resist. THAT’S HOW IT WORKS BEST. If you have empathy, treat other people with respect and dignity, in the way you would wish to be treated, more often than not you come ahead of any bitch. Most people are happy to give the extra effort to people who are nice to them first. It makes them feel good, happy to do it. They are willing to take the moment to look for more they can do. You may or may not agree with me, these are just my opinions based on years of observations. It works for me, I don't have to carry a load of anger and frustration around, and I always have great blood pressure readings.

When I was raising my son, there may have been some form of registry, I do not know. What I do know is that at least one of my relatives is known to have molested members of the family. I know that not all pedifiles are caught. I know they can be teachers, coaches, even clergy. They can be the new boyfriend of someone I know (they can be women, I have a son). You need to teach your children at a young age what is not appropriate touching, that they can come tell you if anyone touches them in their private areas, or tries to. That if they are told to keep it secret, or that (the person) will harm or kill mommy (or the child) if they tell (because threats and fear are a methood used to keep children quiet), they must tell. Your children need to know that the person will lie because they know they should get in trouble, and that you will make sure they are safe. You need to tell them how to Yell "I'M GOING TO TELL AN ADULT" as I read on a very recent Dear Abby (check it out on Yahoo news, in the entertainment section). You will not know who is not on any registry, as the man arrested durring the taping of this Dr. Phil was a NEW ITEM, at it for years. Just assume there are sexual offenders out there. And realize, before they actually start offending, they are thinking about it, they could be anyone, you do not want your kids to be a first victim. Talk to your kids, And LISTEN to them, even if it is the everyday stuff, they will be more likely to come to you when it is dire importance if they know you listen because they KNOW they are always important to you. Keep your eyes open, keep a healthy watch over them. Just because we now have the internet sites here in the USA, and have determined that we have the right to know where these people are, it was not always so. Knowing who is on sites like FamilyWatchdog is only part of what is out there, it does not tell us who is sexually exploiting children, but has not been caught.

With two aunts who loved him, and grandma (must have just broke her heart), and dad still living at the time ... I think leaving her son alone in the park was the cruelest and least likely option that could have been taken if she felt she could not care for two children. She does not deserve any relationship at this time, and could be a bad bad thing to add to his children's lives. Selfish, Lying, Secretive ... that would be how I would describe her. Note that Loving was not on my list.

I was hoping some of the messages would be helpful, and there is a lot of good information in the mix here. Thank y'all for sharing.