Messages By: camilla54

I am 27 and never dated. During my youth I was not allowed. Then once I got older I had a lot of ambitions and having a relationship never really occurred to me. I belive I have developed a workaholic syndrome where filling my life with constant activities actually means I am living, but lately I have realize that something maybe missing afterall. Of course I flirt now an dthen , but I myself lose interest in pursuing the relationship. I wind up with a thought that my goals are more important. I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe I am incapable of intimacies. I really don't know I never tallked with a doctor about it. Tell me what you think

 I never experience love. I never had a relationship to experience love or any kind of intimacy because I "do not have the time or patience for that anymore" it led me to a cold place where it became really easy for me to not care and turn off my feelings. Yes I am making money, going for my bach in civil engineering. I have my own things and don't need to depend on anyone. Now I have a feeling in me that something like a barren cold wasteland. The wind is blowing fiercely and it's so cold that your breath turns to ice on contact. Sad to say I have embrace that wasteland like a teddybear and that is the place I run to. Now I am trying to run away and I can't seem to find the exit door. No one is there to help me. You don't want that. Please try again this time see the person for what she really is. Erase all illusions you have in your mind and embrace the reality that is there. I son't want to see you in this place.

 You have done more than enough I believe and be proud of what you accomplish.
I am going to share with you what one guy told me one day. I was waiting for my train to go to work. He sat down beside me and complimenting and asked me where I was going. I told him I was going to work. He smiled then ask me what I was doing afterwards. I told him I was going to school. He was taken back. The smile left his face. He asked me why, if I already had a job. I told him that while I had a full time job, the extra schooling would give me a large hike in pay. He asked me how I did it without  leaving time for having fun. I told him I believe fun can wait. He told me I should considering slowing down. then he got up and what away.
I don't know what got him riled but I am guessing I am not going to like the answer.
If any of your conversations with a potential mate go along these lines he probably isn't good enough for you or any other woman which is why he is still single and looking.

I also am coping iwth asperger's synfrome. I am twenty-eight now. It has gotten easier to cope, but when I was younger my life was hell. I was socially inept. Unable to make friends. At first I never knew why. I just knew there was something wrong with me that the other children never could identify with. Unfortunately I had to navigate through childhood with the help of a medical professional. My mother was a single mom who was ignorant of the syndrome , she just thought I was a shy and awkward kid. I never did good in school, because the teachers did not have the patient or even tried to work with me on my level. The only thing I really exceled at was reading. I was reading large books at the age of four or fiv, by the time I was in middle school I was reading sophisticated novels like space odessy by isaax Asimov. Needless to say I love the library. I am hoping that many parents try to understand the effects of aperger's on a child especially socially and communicating with other's. As I remembered many adults did not particularly care for my atitude so they believe. I was always more independent than other kids, never tried to be the teacher's pet  and was happy when I was pursuing my own thing even in the middle of class. I was place in special learning diablities classes and programs such as studen timprovement programs and alpha a class for students with discipline and academic problems. The funny part, was that the teachers always remarked that I was a rather quiet kid, shy and awkward. No one understand. i am still struggling with academics. i am constantly challenging myself with new things. I am constantly focusing on the positive, but I still struggle with relationships. I never had a boyfriend and making friends with others does not motivate me much. However I know I must make friends and network. It is just really hard.  I never pick up on whether or not a person wants to become friends. When i do try, I find that I must disect them, mentally and physically, I want to know what makes them tick and all other things about them. I started living with two other roommates this past two months. I have lived on my own for eight years. I find that I close up even more. I don't have any support system, but I hope for parents of children living with asperger's syndrome know that that is the most important thing you can give your child.