Alyssa, I know that you are lost and confused. Part of that is being fifteen and part of that is your situation. In one of your posts, you said that poeple here pay more attention to you than your own parents do. The tough task for you is to take what you are feeling, and turn it into something constructive so that you don't make the same mistakes with your own children (later, please, much later -give yourself a break, no kids now).
It is phenomenal how easy it is so slip into known patterns of behavior and, as parents, just repeat what our own parents did. Now that's fine with the good stuff but awful with the bad. When I first started having my kids, people told me all sorts of things. They said to "enjoy them while they're babies" and "just wait until the terrible twos" and, here was the biggie, "just wait until they're teenagers." Well none of that was my experience because I was fascinated by my kids through all these stages. Sometimes I think parents forget that, in some ways, teenagers need their parents even more than young children. It's been my experience that teenagers need their parents with a far greater degree of emotional and intellectual intensity than the littler ones. The little ones - well, you have lots of stuff to carry - backpacks, frontpacks, strollers, diaper bags, toys, cheerios, etc., etc., etc. But for our young adults, they need our adult minds to bounce things off of - at least that's the way it was for me growing up and my kids say that's what they need from me.
Alyssa, don't believe it when people shrug off your thoughts and ideas. Yes, older people have been through most of what you're going through. We've asked most of those "who am I" type of questions already. But what really gripes me is when older peoople forget that it is all new to young people. So what if the questions are the same? So what if most of the answers are the same? It's new for you folks and that needs to be respected and cherished. As a parent, I love watching my kids ask those age-old questions, slowly think it all through, and find their own answers. It is so exciting to watch them develop this way and it's a privilege to be a part of it. So, my dear Alyssa, if your parents are missing out on this wonderful part of your growth and development, resolve right here and now that you won't make the same mistake later on.
As you move through this difficult time, one of the things that I hope we can help you to do is to verbalize what you're feeling. Your feelings are valid and they are real - hopefully us older folks can help to give some words to better define those feelings and maybe that will help you to sort things out.
I know you feel like giving up. The important thing is that you are not giving up. You are reaching out to others and that is a strength.
So tell me, do your friends feel that you are a good person to talk to?
