Messages By: amanda4128

Mary Anne do NOT go back to that marriage!  Do NOT listen to any of the people on this board who tell you to give it another chance!  They are none too bright!  Mary Anne, I was MARRIED to a Lyle.  He CANNOT change! 

My ex painted a beautiful picture of our future lives together.  We were going to honeymoon in Europe, we were going to buy a beautiful two-story house, we were going to vacation every other month.  As soon as I married him, my hell began.  We honeymooned about 100 miles away from our house.  We lived in a two bedroom shack, which got foreclosed on us because he forgot to pay ANY bills.  He told me it was a hideous mistake on the mortgage company's part, of course a big fat lie.  We filed for bankruptcy in the first year because we had the foreclosure and two repossessed cars against us.  I stuck it out because of my beliefs that adultery was the only reason to divorce.  Little did I know I could have divorced him according to MY beliefs after the first year.  

I ended up having two kids by this "man".  The girls and I skimped by, living on hand me downs, depending on the kindness of family.  We were saving for a new house, or so I thought.  The day I found out there was zero money in the bank (overdrawn, in fact) I left.  I got tired of the lies and the humiliation.  I packed up and moved to Mom's.  The kids and I left with no money, no home and no car (yet another repossession), yet the feeling of absolute freedom far outweighed the feeling of being a total and complete idiot for four years.  (BTW, finally got proof he was cheating through a phone bill!)  The final cruel blow was when he told his entire family our younger daughter was the result of an affair; his way of saying he left me instead of me leaving him.  Never demanded a paternity test, though. 

I am soooo happy now.  I am remarried to the biggest gem of a man in the world!  He is a diamond compared to my gumball-machine-ring ex.  I have a son I never would have had otherwise!  I live in a lovely two story house and I never worry about the cars being repossessed or the sherriff knocking on my door with foreclosure papers.  I never knew love could feel like this.   

You deserve the same happiness.  Run from that loser who calls himself your husband.  He CANNOT change!  He is saying he is changed because things are getting tough for him and with you he could do whatever he pleased.  It is convenience, not love that brought on this "change of heart".  My ex tried the same thing.  He told me he was going to counseling and that the psychologist said I was a horrible wife and that's why things were so bad.  If I changed, things would be better.  IT'S A LOAD, BELIEVE ME!  I didn't buy it then, you shouldn't buy it now.  Liars CANNOT change.  I found that out the hard way.  And as for the ex, well he married a girl he met on the internet.  No telling what kind of crud he told that poor girl to trick her.  Hope she wises up much faster than I did! 

You DO have options.  A woman with kids and no support is immediately eligible for everything from food stamps to section 8 housing, childcare and free tuition and job training assistance.   

Pick up your phone book.  Most phone books have a section near the front called "community pages", "helping hands" or some such -- usually after the emergency info but before the actual listings.  You should see one or more listing for something like woman's services, counseling, family welfare, etc.   Pick one and call.  Usually you can get information (on what they do, options, etc.) without giving your name.  If you don;t like what you hear at the first location, go to the next.   If you are not in an immediately threatening situation, you might want to stay away from the county/state agencies at first (that is, you don't want an official file started when you are still just reviewing your options).   (if you are in danger, call the domestic violence nu mber NOW).       

You sound fairly young, but even if you are not, there ARE options.