Messages By: nahmi2005

I've only just become a member and, from what I'm reading, it's obvious there are a lot of lonely people out there.  (Myself included!)  I heartily agree with those who believe we have become a society self-absorbed in itself.  When did we become more interested in ourselves than in caring for others?  I stand firm to the fact that I should have been born 100 years ago in that I still believe in old fashioned romance and when you give your heart to someone..... and they give theirs to you...... it is forever binding.  I fear what the future holds for this world.  As far as on-line dating goes.... yes, it's interesting to "chat" with other people.  But what will the long-term affects be on those who put their only hope in finding someone through these means?  I am guilty of the same and was in, what I thought, was a solid, loving relationship for over 4 years only to discover that he didn't feel the same way.  It's far too easy to, when someone doesn't "fit" our description of perfection, to click that little mouse and move on to someone else.  My advice is to stay AWAY from the dating sites!  There are too many people who believe they are the "end all-be all".  And this is NOT directed at men.... there are literally thousands of women playing that same hand.  Look at yourself in the mirror..... I mean look hard!  Do you like who you are..... are you someone YOU would like to have as a friend!  It is not my intention to be preachy but if you don't or can't honestly look yourself in the eye and say, I am worth the effort, I'm valuable and I am worthy of someones love and caring than it may be time to make some changes in yourself.  As Dr. Phil so elegantly puts it, "You have to own it before you can change it".  My heart was mercilessly torn from my chest, my life was thrown into disarray but I can still look at myself each morning and know that, if the Lord believes I am worthy of love, than he will bring him into my life.

Those of you under 40..... enjoy life..... it ends far too quickly.  Those of you with children..... invest in them and your rewards will be returned..... over and over again.  Those of you over 40..... be you male or female...... keep trying.... don't give up hope.  Hold fast to your belief's, your standards and your morals! 

And yes..... Dr. Phil..... I am an eternal optimist much like yourself.  But PLEASE..... let's figure out a better way to bring lonely hearts together.  Let's find a way for people to look at each other and see the potential rather than the faults.  Let's figure out a way for people to look deeper into what caring for one another is really all about.  I don't have the answers but I will continue my quest for them..... and if anyone is interested in helping.... please don't hesitate to respond.

I do have a question though if you don't mind, I have been dating a man for 3 months and we have so many things in common and common goals and life styles and we both find that great!  We enjoy each other’s company and are never at a loss for words not to mention we laugh all the time!  I feel that I know enough about this man to pursue a relationship with him even though I understand that 3 months certainly is not a long time.  He claims that he is not ready for anything serious, yet he spends all of his free time with me and involves me in every aspect of his day...meanwhile he is still "talking/dating" other woman!!!  I know he cares about me and that I care for him so I don't understand why monogamy is such a problem...I don't want to move in together or get married anytime soon...I just want to be "enough" and know that there is no one between us or why am I here? He spends a great deal of time with me either on the phone or in my presence therefore I am pretty sure the others are more casual (?)!  Tell me please...Am I wasting my time dating a man that wants to date others even after 3 months of seeing what we could have together or is 3 months way to soon to know if you want to pursue someone...(keep in mind...I am not talking marriage here however I have been single for 8 years and dating around is finally boring me, haha)! Thank you!!!!!!! 

Here's my problem:

I am a 27 y.o. married physical therapist with 2 kids.  My wife is a stay at home mom.  When I graduated from P.T. school, my wife had no college.  

In January of this year my wife began cosmotology school in a very expensive school about an hour from our home.  I am working during the day and she is staying home with the kids, and when I get home she leaves and goes to school in the evening, from 5-10, and I stay with the kids.  It is costing $600/month for her tuition, plus we payed $1600 when she started school for supplies, and she will still have $6000 in student loans when she graduates in July from an 18 month program. 

We have been able to live relatively comfortably on my salary despite paying the $600.  But we are also spending $60/wk on her gas which brings the total for her school to $840/month. And now that Christmas is just around the corner, money is tight.  As I said before I have 2 kids, a 3 year old boy and 4 year old girl.  Last week my wife told me that she wants a $250 make up case for Christmas.  I am stressed to the max, because we haven't even begun to buy gifts for our kids yet. 

I work hard.  I bring home an average of $1500/wk after taxes and insurance.  I come home every day and cook my kids' dinner and take them to their extracurricular classes in the evening and often take them to play, etc in the evening.  My wife and kids have all new clothes, I wear the same three pairs of khaki pants every day, and my work shoes are a year and a half old. 

I am getting extremely frustrated with my wife because I come home and the house is never clean.  She stays home all day, yet I never have clean clothes.  There is always a huge pile of dirty clothes in the middle of my bedroom.   She will complete 1 or 2 chores over the course of an entire day, i.e. wash the dishes and vaccuum the den. 

Today I told her that I don't feel appreciated.  I told her that I sacrifice a lot for her to go to school.  Her reply was the same as always... "I'm going to school so we'll have more in the future."  Which I know is true, but I also feel like I want some appreciation NOW.  She thinks that just because she will be contributing to our income in the future, that compensates for what I am sacrificing now. 

Maybe I am wrong.  If you think I am, that's fine, tell me how you feel.  To be honest, I don't know what I'm looking for here.  I just think that as much as I am paying financially, and as much as I am giving otherwise, that should be enough.  I think I'm just stressed because Christmas is coming up.  Please give me some input.  Thanks!