Messages By: jim1970

Quote From: kimikomine

And in your world, that might be what would make you happy in a relationship. But in my world, when there is more then one person involved it is now a matter of the two being able to come to a happy medium where both can walk away and feel real good about themselves, and their lovers. 

  

Do you really believe that ONE person could do EVERYTHING you would want? Wow. You have real high expectations. I wish you luck.  

Quote From: darcylove

years ago there was a different family that lived across the street from us. THe husband in this family often didn't go to work, he drank too much and often beat his wife and kids. Needless his wife's life was pretty crappy. During this same times my husband was pretty deep into his porn addiction. Often there were times I told myself how lucky I was that it was only porn that i was dealing with. That I could be in this other situation across the street. I somehow tried to tell myself over and over that this porn was nothing. ANd I tried to convince myself somehow I should be grateful for what I did have dispite his porn usage and his addiction. 

  

During this same time....my husband would tell me that he knew many guys who went out after work and spent time at the bars. these guys often were not faithful to their wives  because they were sleeping with other women. He would tell me this in the midst of our arguments surrounding porn.  He somehow believed I should be grateful that it was porn that i was dealing with and not these other guy's problems. 

  

I went for a period of time feeling pretty selfish. Feeling as if I should have nothing to complain about. Heck...I could be dealing with someone who has all kinds of women he is sleeping with or I could be dealing with abuse or what ever. I should be grateful is what I kept telling myself. 

  

My point is....there will always be someone who has it worse on the other side of the fence. If my husband looked at porn once a day for an hour....there was someone else who looked at it twice a day for two hours. If my husband looked at porn of 19 year olds....someone else's husband looked at porn of 16 year olds.  

  

There will always be something that hurts a little worse or someone who has it a little worse. That doesn't mean....that what is happening to me or who ever...doesn't hurt. ...or that our pain is somehow not as important. I won't justify someone else mistakes by saying someone else screwed up worse. They both screwed up. 

  

so....is porn cheating? Yes. Is it somehow not so bad becauase the neighbor guy is a bigger screw up? NO. 

  

okay...now i have to go take some pictures of my nephew. 

Quote From: luvmiman1

"CHEATING IS WRONG....AND INDULGING IN PORN IS A FORM OF ADULTERY." 

  

And men would never HAVE TO resort IF....just do their wifely DUTIES.....(I am laughing now....this is good stuff Jim)..... 

  

Jim, Jim, Jim,......didn't anyone ever really talk to you about women and sex?  See this is the kind of thing that really messes up people's sex lives...too much of this depending on someone else to "DO" whatever it takes to make you happy...including in sex.  When the fact is some people just don't know what the other wants.  And porn sure isn't showing anyone anything about the realities of sex...not with real people.  And the other problem with this statement is that if YOU treat and think of sex as a "DUTY" FOR A WOMEN...then it's very likely that you TREAT her like she's an employee of sex, rather than an equally deserving parnter to recieve the pleasure part of your ( and hers')  sexual experience.  This is one huge reason why some women do shut down and won't get into real experimentation with their partners...hence...the reason YOU would say men get into porn.  

  

See it's a vicious cycle...one not knowing how to approach sex....the other getting the feeling that it's some kind of "job" to have sex.  In other words..."just do what we want"..."the way we want it"....sorry Jim but this makes for a very lonely sex life after so long.  Because sex is a two way street.....unlike you see inside the porn star's eyes...real women want just as much as YOU want her to be the pleasuring factor for you, for herself.   

  

A woman who is really honestly pleasured by a man during sex....will be more than ready and willing to do the pleasuring TO you , FOR you as well.  If she's not this way....then HER experience with sex is very likely not exactly what you think might be curling her toe nails either.  To put it bluntly....a woman who is really "into" sex and is pleased having sex then the sexual experience is something she looks forward to expanding on. 

  

I know men don't like to hear this.....but men have a great deal of power and ability to "bring" this out in a woman.....they are being mislead as to how this works. 

  

See with some women, they don't miss something or desire to make it better, or have the need to put anything into "it"...if it's something they truly could live without because it is nothing spectacular about "it" to them to begin with......exactly the same thing you might say about your own "real" sexual experience....and therefore having to turn to porn to supplement it.  That's the vicious cycle and it only gets worse...unless the same expectation you place on yourself surpass what you put on your partner....THEN and only then will this change for you. 

  

Luv 

Quote From: lovinglady

You want a slave. Someone to worship you. That is so very sick. You have avery warped Idea of what a women is suppost to be. I am sorry but you, have so much growing up to do it is sad.

Quote From: lovinglady

You want a slave. Someone to worship you. That is so very sick. You have avery warped Idea of what a women is suppost to be. I am sorry but you, have so much growing up to do it is sad.

Quote From: luvmiman1

Oh my goodness...Gloria Steinem (?) is at fault for all this crap?  Now we know who to blame...LOL... 

  

Ya know Jimmy, this is a real indication that you might have had some seriously damaging rlsp experiences in the past....and maybe those things have been the determining factors in your life in the present day long enough!       ....you might want to think about getting past some things with forgiveness and just moving on to looking at women differently because this might actually have some benefits in the way you view sex altogther....this could only be a great enhancement in your current rlsp.   

  

I say, more power to ya, Jim, if there are women overseas, those who haven't been corrupted by the "American way" then go for it.  Just make sure you stay there with them....as so they won't "get" Americanized from being here.  We wouldn't want that ya know.  

  

Now to brass tacks.....so does your wife stay out all night with g/fs?  When did this start?  Do you have kids?  How long have you been married?  Is this disconnection in the marriage the reason you had to resort to porn....too much Denny's food? 

  

I totally get what you are saying....so what's really going on with you and your marriage? 

  

Luv 

Quote From: jim1970

That's what wives were-until the Seventies.

Quote From: baeiouy

You do realize they are using you to get into the US, but yeah if you want someone for 3 years, that is how long they would have to stay with you because at that time they can get their Citizenship and leave, but whatever floats your boat.

Quote From: luvmiman1

if that was the case...then you just had a streak of bad luck...because there are many wonderful women in this country...(I happen to be one....but happily married).....and I have found that many who believe money is everything, usually end up finding out differently. 

  

Have you considered maybe it's the area, region, that you live in?   

  

I get what you are saying....I have an older son (26) who feels exactly as you do about American women...and is now MARRYING (oh my gosh) A LATIN girl.  As a matter of fact, he just called and has pushed up the wedding...(because they can't wait) to the first of January.   

  

He's explained the entire thing to me at great length....so I understand you opinion about this...however, as with him, I don't think it's about American women so much as it's about the "TYPE" of Amercian women that has been in your focus. 

  

Luv