Messages By: jim1970

Quote From: eclifton

Hello,



     My names John Smith and im 19.  Im in college, great grades, and many adults tell me i'm a very very nice young man.  Well i've been in a class all year long with a girl who I think is the cutest girl i've ever seen.  She has the cutest smile, prettiest hair, man...there's nothing I do not like about her!  I don't have any intentions to get up with her to just get in her pants but I want to seriously get to know her and eventually start dating her.  So after long thinking, i decided to ask her out.  I asked her and she said sure and gave me her phone number.  I asked my buddy to just randomly talk to her like he always does and of course she played into it by talking about me asking her out for lunch one saturday.  She told him she was nervous and didn't want to tell me no becuase she's sort-of seeing someone.  I don't think sort-of cuts it in my book personally, either you are or your just friends, yes or no.  I am picky about my girls and don't want girls who'd dump me because theres a hotter guy around the corner whose looking at her as well. 

So...my questions are as followed
1.) What do I do now that she is nervous talking to me because of this sort-of relationship?
2.) Why do girls claim they would want a very nice man yet turn them down, do they ever see the real guys?  Not the guys with a perfect body.
3.) I have a great part time job, attend school, have a nice car, happy with my life but just can't seem to find that special someone and this is my #1pick i'd love to be seeing.  Remember, im only 19  heading out to NC STATE in 2 years.

Please, all questions and comments welcome with my arms wide open.

Quote From: canuck_911

i am 23 years old and consider myself to be a "nice girl" yes i am the " cute college student" but i beleive that one doesnt have to go through divorce after divorce and have 5 children to say that they have life experience.  i have been through enough in my few years on this earth that i would not want to wish it on my worst enemy and i have still come out with my chin held high.  

Unfortunately some woman must have done a number on you by the sound of your post.  i would like to think that i "get it" and it has'nt taken 150,000 miles to figure it out.  

 thanks to a few bad experiences i fear you have lost all faith in women and you are no longer a nice guy because of that. if being a nice guy makes you a desperate wimp than there arent enough desperate wimps out there. 

 countless times i  wrote everone off and said "i was once at your feet and you screwed me around, now look at you- lonely." but really was i any better? i became cynical because of what i thought was bad luck. while they were moving on i was left in the dust complaining. i used inapropriate analogies and had a bad outlook on all men in general thinking of them as nothing but a tool to get back at the last one with. but than realized it wasnt luck it was judgement. my judgement was imparing relationship sucess. the more pissed i got at the world the worse my luck became with men.  dont punish every woman because of what many have done to you. one might just come along that has potential (and maybe not be foreign!-which is something i wont even got into)  

i thought the exact same way you did for a long time and still wondered what was wrong with me. the answer is not to use because you were used. because revenge is addictive and you will never be satisfied. take time alone, get yourself back on your feet and have a new outlook on things. it sucks trust me but youll be that nice guy again and youll have so much more to offer.  

  

Quote From: canuck_911

i am 23 years old and consider myself to be a "nice girl" yes i am the " cute college student" but i beleive that one doesnt have to go through divorce after divorce and have 5 children to say that they have life experience.  i have been through enough in my few years on this earth that i would not want to wish it on my worst enemy and i have still come out with my chin held high.  

Unfortunately some woman must have done a number on you by the sound of your post.  i would like to think that i "get it" and it has'nt taken 150,000 miles to figure it out.  

 thanks to a few bad experiences i fear you have lost all faith in women and you are no longer a nice guy because of that. if being a nice guy makes you a desperate wimp than there arent enough desperate wimps out there. 

 countless times i  wrote everone off and said "i was once at your feet and you screwed me around, now look at you- lonely." but really was i any better? i became cynical because of what i thought was bad luck. while they were moving on i was left in the dust complaining. i used inapropriate analogies and had a bad outlook on all men in general thinking of them as nothing but a tool to get back at the last one with. but than realized it wasnt luck it was judgement. my judgement was imparing relationship sucess. the more pissed i got at the world the worse my luck became with men.  dont punish every woman because of what many have done to you. one might just come along that has potential (and maybe not be foreign!-which is something i wont even got into)  

i thought the exact same way you did for a long time and still wondered what was wrong with me. the answer is not to use because you were used. because revenge is addictive and you will never be satisfied. take time alone, get yourself back on your feet and have a new outlook on things. it sucks trust me but youll be that nice guy again and youll have so much more to offer.  

  

Quote From: dawn100173

Perhaps I'm not the best person to offer advice on this subject, I've never been married, but I'm gonna say this anyway:   

As best I can tell through my life's experiences, NO ONE is perfect !!!!!!!!!!   That being said, when two people raised in different environments come together in a marriage, naturally there are going to be some differences of opinion.  I was under the impression that when you made a lifetime commitment to someone, that sometimes you would have to compromise to get to a resolution.  I am currently in a very healthy relationship with a wonderful man that also understands that we will not and do not  always agree on everything, BUT... we have vowed to TALK about the things that don't work and to find a solution that keeps both of us content.  There is no screaming, blaming or name calling involved.  We are GROWN-UPS, and we understand that relationships and marriages take work.  If more people took time to get to know each other and agreed to work through those bumps in the road then maybe we wouldn't have such a high divorce rate in this country.  Marriage is about compromise, and last time I checked that took the efforts of two people.   

Quote From: jim1970

Famous last words.  I've learned that whenever an American woman asks that rehetorical questions, it really means she wants to chain the man to the desk, tease him with her body, but refuse to let him touch her. 

  

No.  Men rule.  Women follow. 

Quote From: jenhoney

OK, so Grant wants the perfect wife.  Wake up buddy!  No one is good enough, now or ever if you do not feel good about yourself.  I think Grant's biggest problem is himself and poor Kelly gets the brunt of his low self-esteem.  Kelly, you need to stand up for yourself and validate yourself to your husband.  You are a wonderful woman and mother and you deserve to feel that from Grant.  When I first got married, my husband liked to try and tell me how to do things better.  Here's what happened, anything I could not do up to his level became his job.  I did not do his laundry as good as his mom did it, so he did his own laundry (and he still does).  I do believe that as wives we have an obligation to love our husbands and do our part in the house to the best of our ability, but it is not up to our husbands to tell us how to better do our job.  I accept suggestions communicated with love and caring.  I also am more likely to modify the way I do something if my husband approaches me and  suggests how we as a team could work to make something better. 

Quote From: my_2angels

Maybe if men weren't the first to let themselves go, women would want to be touched by them more. You can't gain fifty pounds for no reason (VERY different from gaining to have children) and expect your wife to want you in the same way as before. 

  

"Jim," I suggest you take your backwards thinking elsewhere, you're only going to stir up a lot of drama and anger here. 

  

I might not be happily married, but I'm more then capable of being happy. If that means I have to be by myself with no man, so be it. I'd rather live a celibate life when remain chained to a man who thinks exactly like you. 

Quote From: my_2angels

Maybe if men weren't the first to let themselves go, women would want to be touched by them more. You can't gain fifty pounds for no reason (VERY different from gaining to have children) and expect your wife to want you in the same way as before. 

  

"Jim," I suggest you take your backwards thinking elsewhere, you're only going to stir up a lot of drama and anger here. 

  

I might not be happily married, but I'm more then capable of being happy. If that means I have to be by myself with no man, so be it. I'd rather live a celibate life when remain chained to a man who thinks exactly like you.