Messages By: barbarina

 It is so very sad that many young persons confuse lust with love. Lust is hormonal and useful for species reproduction; exciting and necessary. In a complex society, however, lust cannot take priority in choosing a life partner. Lust can be the first magnet to a person who might become a friend, a partner, a future lover and parent. On the other hand, whereas lust is strictly physical, relationships are physical, spiritual, social, economic and intellectual. That's where the love comes in. It is easy to be lustful, but it is difficult to love. We have been married forty-six years and the love has become easier and easier as the years passed. Young people, take the Dr's advice. Wake up every morning and think how you can make your friend happy. Ask for what you want - always explaining "When this or that - I feel". You will find very soon that there are many people out there who are willing to do the difficult loving before the easy lusting.

 I am looking my seventieth birthday in the face. Daughters, listen to Dr. Phil.
No matter how brutally your mother raised you, once you are an adult, you have to be the master of your own destiny. It takes a l-o-n-g time and a l-o-t of effort, but eventually you begin to appreciate yourself and stop looking not only to your mother but to others as well for approval.
I have three wonderful children who make themselves and their parents very proud. One is a lawyer, the other a psychiatric nurse and our son is a journeyman plumber. I have tried all their lives to be as loving and devoted to my children as my grandparents were. I learned from my own mother how not to be a mother. So, Marri and Jessica, while you are still young, seek out your own mentors and forgive  the woman who gave you life but will never be able to feel the joy of successful parenting. Just imagine how awful her own life must be.
Finally, run, don't walk. I have to disagree with Dr. Phil on that one point. There comes a time you have to sever the umbilicum cord and find love by giving it to yourself and those who know what love is. Your mother will have to find her own bliss.

why do we treat each other so hurtfully? Is blood thicker than water? Why can we not forgive our relatives and continue to expose ourselves to continued abuse?
I suggest everybody stay away from each other - period. Forgive each other and go on with your own life. Most importantly, take all the individual help Dr. Phil is willing to provide and then take care of yourself, set your own sights on your own goals and treat yourself with respect. Blood may be thicker than water, but one can drown in that blood! I will not watch Monday's show because it reminds me too much of my own teen years. The scars of such interactions in a family last a lifetime and change who you really are for ever. I am now in my seventies and the blood feuds of fifty years ago still cut deep. I got out of the country for my freedom and my adult life has been a blessing and decades filled with deep respect and affection. Get out. Stop it and Get Out!

and why are these children born? DNA can prove whether or not a man is the biological father - big deal!
I know darn well who my father was. He was a spoiled, irresponsible jerk and my mother was a free wheeling bedhopper. Now I am in my seventies and still angry when the topic comes up. Who cares who is who and who is the biological parent--- a child needs a warm and reliable, consistent and dependable nest in which to grow up. My nest was my grand parents, bless their souls. Without them I would have wound up on the streets instead of having a great husband, super kids and a joyful life. Dr.Phil is so right: Parents write on the souls and spirit of their children every day. The pain never goes away, one just learns to cope with it and learn from it (if one is lucky). Women and Men who are so cruel and immature should be forbidden to have children.
Period...So take the children away from these immature mothers and fathers and give them a home!  The wives and husbands can fight it out in Dr. Phil's house. They are grown people. Children are helpless, so save them.

 It is really very sad how selfabsorbed so many of us are. The housemates are over the top. I don't wish bad experiences on them, however it might help when they work in a soup kitchen for a while or take a sleeping bag and sleep on a downtown street overnight. Perhaps our media is also to blame, as is television and all the video games. When do people have a chance to sit and talk with each other? Who encourages parents to discuss their daily experiences? When will we turn off all this electronic equipment at the end of a day?
Here is a suggestion: If you have children, take them for drives and walks in both wealthy and poor naighbourhoods and ask them what they see. Children give very honest and direct answers because they have not yet learned to be judgemental.The wealthy often did not work for their stuff and the poor are not always guilty of sloth. I am glad that the housemates have the opportunity to talk things out and learn to listen; they might realize that being so judgemental limits their finding wonderful people around them.Perhaps this experience will help them sometime in the future.