I wanted to add that during my marriage to this man (my second marriage) he was incarcerated at least four times for non-violent crimes, mostly worthless checks over $500, forging checks, uttering forgery, grand larceny, credit card fraud (he stole my credit cards as well as his father's as they were a Sr. and a Jr. who didn't use their generations in signatures), and drug trafficking. He insisted I live with his parents each time he had to serve his time and his father was an alcoholic who desired to molest me during a few of his stupors. I read him the riot act once he sobered up, he denied it of course, then I steered clear of him as much as possible. Thinking back through all the humiliation and sadness, I remember going to church one Sunday and the leader of the class happened to stress how important it was not to get into your husband's business affairs. He taught that you are not to try to change him, just pray for God to change him; and by no means should divorce EVER be in your vocabulary. If I had been stronger in faith and more confident in my decisions, perhaps I would have had the guts to divorce him, but I wasn't receiving a ton of income so I had nowhere to go to live. And I was under constant threat to not ever leave him or he would, well, you know, not want me to live. So enters the fear factor. I still have nightmares, as I stated before, where he is chasing me and pinning me on the floor with a knife to my throat threatening me if I ever left him. That actually did happen during one of his "highs". He would find me, he knew people who would follow me, etc. I believe if his father (who lived with us for 5 years after my mother-in-law passed away from cancer) had not walked in at just the right moment and said "Son, please don't hurt her. Leave her alone," I doubt if I'd be here today writing these words. So, through counseling I have learned that the longer you stay with someone like this, the more you "enable" them. Therefore, you become co-dependent. There are a few books that have helped me tremendously that I would recommend by Melody Beattie, "Beyond Codependency", "Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps", and "Playing It by Heart".
Also, once your relationship has ended with this person, you really need to be on your own (if you choose) for at least one or two years to give your emotions, your soul, your feelings the chance to heal. I do take medications for depression and anxiety and panic attacks. And I do go to my counselor for talk therapy. You MUST for your mental health, pursue healing so one day you will have the courage to meet someone just as a companion at first, if nothing else. You have the control of your own boundaries, you have the control over what you feel; if it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. But you cannot treat every future man as though he is the same con man. Every man is different and they bring to the table their own life experience's. If you insist on honesty and they are not honest, then move on. It's that simple. Be good to yourself and cherish yourself. What happened to me and what happened to you is NOT YOUR FAULT. You nor I did anything wrong. Regardless of every single circumstance that happened to me or that has happened to you due to the evil (for whatever reason, drugs, alcohol, demon-possession, paranoia, or bipolar) in these individuals, you WILL heal from this, and you WILL know when you are ready to meet others. Until then, enjoy your peace so far. Enjoy every day that you have survived successfully. Day by day. You can do it. I can do it. We can do this. God bless and best of luck to all of you.
