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December 10, 2005, 5:46 pm PST

educate yourself!

Quote From: saromo627

Perhaps it's far too soon for me to even worry about ever connecting again with another man. I've been widowed only 18 months and would love to network with other people.

I've learned that friends tend to shy away from you once you've lost your spouse. I thought that friends knew people who knew people and out of that knowledge might spring someone with similar interests. I've lost a great deal of that networking and now am high and dry with no one to talk to, have dinner with, go with to a show, and unwilling to plunge into unknown territory because of things that can happen as will be evidenced during this show. I'm afraid to trust.

I've tried all the conventional ways of meeting people and detest the online dating services because it's way too easy to hide "the real you" in cyberspace.

Any suggestions?

I have learned that only by educating yourself about these guys can you ever hope to trust. Also, speaking OUT about them - do not suffer in silence - take back your pride!!

It really upsets me when I hear women (and men) say "Oh THAT would NEVER happen to ME!! I am too smart for that!!" One of the women on this show? Sandra? Is a very highly educated lady.

To read more about predators you should also visit a couple sites where one of the Con Men on the show is talked about:

http://fightbigamy.typepad.com

http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com

For me I will NEVER date again. I was conned by someone I had known for 27 years!!! A friend!! He used his long standing acquaintance with me to get my trust and prey on myself and my friends. Afraid to trust - says it all. The person I trust the least? ME!!

(personally anyone who does online dating these days, especially now that Match.com is being sued, is taking a horrible chance)

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fighter9

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December 11, 2005, 9:45 am PST

sorry

Quote From: jeanne191

Don't give up. I was by myself for 5 yrs after my husband died. Join a fraternal organization, church, singles groups. Play Bingo! Do not, I mean Do Not stay home by yourself and brood. Go to a exercise class, or maybe a senior center, volunteer and do something for someone else. You cannot meet people if you don't get out. You have to trust your judgement and do not take people on face value, give yourself time to know a little about them. Ask questions, where do they work, what do they do for hobbies, do they dance, drink, go to church. The more you know the better judge you will be. Besides it lets them know you are interested in them. Good Luck

Please do some searches on PSYCHOPATH and DESTRUCTIVE NARCISSISTIC PATTERN.

These people:

- scam others

- PASS LIE DETECTOR TESTS

- seem completely normal

- prey on the best & brightest (and those with some MONEY)

No, sorry - online dating isn't for me. I have looked very deep within myself. Sorry but thats sort of fast-food psychology doesn't cut it when you deal with these guys. Also, this is NOT the fault of the victim. 12 years of therapy for PTSD from these con men has taught me that!!! There is NOT A THING WRONG with us. It's them. Dr. Robert Hare has a great book out called THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR. Go read it. Only a small percentage of them are killers.

I am out there, in society, interacting with others in healthy positive ways. But online dating? or even dating in general? Not after you have had one of these types in your life. I am interested in one thing: my children. But don't worry about me - hey, more for you!!

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fighter9

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December 11, 2005, 8:21 pm PST

Thanks and some more information

Wow!! so many of you are talking about either narcissists (destructive ones) or psychopaths.

Here's some more information about these types (which have NO TELLTALE SIGNS UNTIL ITS TOO LATE!!):

The Characteristics of a Psychopath: http://groups.msn.com/psychopath/characteristicsofapsychopath.msnw

Traits of Malignant Narcissism

http://groups.msn.com/narcissisticpersonalitydisorder/20traitsofmalignantnarcissism.msnw

If you are with one of these guys (or gals) IT IS NOT YOU!! If you are in counselling - make sure your counsellor GETS IT about these types. Remember: Scott Peterson - was a psychopath and he only killed ONCE after breaking hearts, minds and souls for YEARS!

And btw, thanks oneofseven for correcting me about the books. I have read them both and they are terrific.

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fighter9

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December 12, 2005, 5:10 pm PST

Ed Hicks' Screen Names

Quote From: sultry

A few years ago I was an internet freak, all my waking hours were online and chatting to whomever would message me as long as they weren't toooo much of a jerk. I'm watching Dr. Phil now and saw the story on Ed Hicks and I remember I used to talk to an Ed online (well he said his name was Ed, you never know cuz tooooo easy to lie online) and I was wondering if anyone knew his screen name?

Thank You!!

Sultry

If you go to Sandra's site

http://fightbigamy.typepad.com and click on ED HICKS MISSIVES

or go to http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com

I believe all of the emails Sandra found on him are there - with his ONLINE ADS and screen names.

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fighter9

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December 12, 2005, 5:12 pm PST

Yup

Quote From: pas175

I just want to add this to the list. I am a 25 year old male who suffers from very low self-esteem issues and Bi-Polar disorder. When I was 21 years old I met a woman who was just out of prison. She saw me and paid attention to me that I wanted from another person let alone a woman. She got with me and convinced me to mive in with her after being with her for only a month. She had accumulated a large debt with the local check into cash companies and convinced me that I was in love with her more than anything in my own life. She got me to distance myself from my family. Then she got me to do something that was not becoming of me. She got me to break the law and defraud a bank so that she could get out of her debt. All things were going her way when she got greedy and I later found out she had an extensive drug habit. She took most of the money totaling close to $25,000. When she found that the she was going to get arrested, she convinced me that I was also going to get into trouble, which I was and did, and that I was not going to beable to see her or be with her unless I was married to her. This was around Christmas when I had met her the day before 9/11. We were wed on 12/29/01. She controlled my life from behind bars and she had me steal from various places to give her money while in prison. I later found out that she was released from prison 07/01/01, and it was the 3rd time being in.
On a lighter note, I finally learned from the mistake and divorced her while she was still in prison, but it was too late. I am currently on probation with no ability to get a job. I am only surviving due to an incredible woman who I am now with that actually loves me for me, and helps me with my problems, and gave me 2 beautiful children. Please remember my story guys and remember that there are also women out there that are looking for someone to "take".

Type in a search engine:

Julia Bish + bigamy

Another winner!! And she's still on the loose! The legal system doesn't care much about this kind of crime. You really have to push like Julie & Sandra did.

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fighter9

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December 12, 2005, 5:14 pm PST

get help

Quote From: memawpry

Will someone please email me and let me know that it isn't me it wasn't anything I have done but I was mentally raped. I will never trust again. If you go into a relationship without trust how do you trust where do you draw the line. how many nights am I supposed to cry myself to sleep. if there is anyone who you know that found someone by telephone or internet . that drove to minnesota the weekend of Nov. 11th please warn them. it might take a year like with me it might take a month. but be careful. he goes by Bill or Cheech . Email me or just be careful. I will tell you this he will make you feel like you are the only one on the planet. He will cook your meals draw your bath and make love to you like never before. then slowly he will change he will tell you how awful i was, how bad his last three wives were, just be careful, because it is a line of crap/ it might be a month , it might be a year, but I gaurantee you are the next victim. one of at least 7. O<K< I have done all I can to warn you of him. I just prat to god you saw the Dr phil show on Dec. 12th. if not go on line and pull it up. God bless you. By the way I worked 2 jobs to support him and he was going to finish his novel" ha"/. I will never be fianancial or mentally the same again. H etook me from feeling like a princess, his baby to a failure, nothing, then he lied to people I know, said I kept him locked up, wouldn"t let him work. I have records to prove I worked 2 jobs so he could write. I can prove he ran my cell phone up to 900/00 I am a widow and I guess he thought I was easy. I guess I was. when I returned home 2 people told me he made the comment he was looking for a woman to take care of him. I guess I was it for a year. His name is William I think unless that was a l ie too. If you need to knoe more email me at memawblueeyes@yahoo.com. Maybe we can prevent another woman from being taken from this one unlike the lase 4. By the way he is a deadbeat dad. won't even take care of his 3 children.

go to a domestic violence facility. NO you don't need to be physically abused.

Ask to see a counselor ASAP. Get an appointment. Tell them your story and ask them for help. They can find you low or no cost legal and emotional support. TRUST ME!! if you go to http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com that's one site that is chock full of good links.

do a search on deadbeat dads - loads of places to deal with them too.

My advice? Don't do nothing, these cons count on our shame and being naive!

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fighter9

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December 12, 2005, 5:15 pm PST

Match.com

Quote From: geisha

Few weeks ago i received a message from Match .com It was from a very handsome man with the most beautiful words written telling me lots of pretty things...I said wow what a handsome prince comes to my life'...of course i answered back ...but later the messages were more awkward...telling me things about a fabolous investement with lots of money involved and he wanted me to be the beneficiary and to send him the money he needed it to start such a wonderful investment..I started to feel wierd and my guts started to telling me something..I immediately deleted him and stopped talking to him..but now I want to know what I need to do to report this ugly man..all he has is my last name...but I'm pretty sure he can do marvels with it...although I'm not a wealthy woman i live from paycheck to payckeck...but still I don't feel safe...please advice thank you very much for your attention....

Match.com is being sued? did you know that?

search under "Match.com + class action lawsuit"

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fighter9

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December 12, 2005, 7:04 pm PST

yup

Quote From: wolfbitch

I just read something on another site about Ed Hicks being arrested on 12/09/05? I wondered if he's really been arrested and, it so, if it might have been a result of Dr. Phil's show?

Either way, great job, ladies! Just exposing this psychopath to the American Public is a proud accomplishment!

There should be something in tomorrow's WASHINGTON POST about his arrest.

Sandra has something on her site about it now: http://fightbigamy.typepad.com

He is here:

http://mcsoweb2k.co.mecklenburg.nc.us/inmatesearch/inmate_search.asp

Sandra & Julie really had to push the law and the system because they didn't see this man as a priority. The bigamy laws in this country NEED TO BE CHANGED. If you check Sandra's site in some states in merely a misdemeanor - so why bother getting divorced?

And I would venture that most of these con men are committing MAJOR FRAUD at the same time.

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fighter9

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December 12, 2005, 9:03 pm PST

pursue

Quote From: donnalayne

Finding a good Private Investigator would be a start, gather up all of your evidence. Believe it or not, you have to practically solve the problem and present the authorities with documentation to support your claims. If you can obtain his records and can prove he was enlisted fraudulently under another name or social security, you have enough grounds to really get the authorities to pay attention.

Sandra's site

http://fightbigamy.typepad.com

Has an article called I WAS MARRIED TO A BIGAMIST - WHAT DO I DO NOW?

read it !!

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fighter9

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December 13, 2005, 4:53 am PST