Messages By: beth93

      Howdy!  

    How is everyone?  Hope you are feeling better, SEA.  Has everyone been stress free including Labelfree.  

     Had a challenging day.  Nobody wantd to purchase Avon.  I have only sold $20 this campaign.  Sometimes I wonder  why I am an Avon representative.  I am just going through the motions of selling to earn extra income.  People think selling Avon is the only job I can handle now given my disability.  Avon has been my first  job since my disability worsened.  Oh goodness, just feeling self pity!  

David Copperfield will be forming in Corpus Christi?  Has anyone seen a magician perform in person.   If so, does it seem as amazing in person.  Sometimes I wonder if television adds to the mystery adding a magical quality.  

Going on a walk with Melody, my Brittany Spaniel.  

Beth  

  Nice to know we have some Texans on the message boards! 

Hope everyone is doing well!     SEA, I can empathize with your challenge with Mieneres Disease 

and Vertigo.  My sinuses were acting up.  My ears were ringing loudly.  Called the ENT.  Apparently, 

the tube running up thy nose to both ears was blocked.  I now need to use a nasal spray mixture consisting of 2 parts baking soda and 1 part pickling salt on a daily basis. 

  Corpus is expanding like crazy.  Now the city is attempting to purchase a production studio located near the YWCA.  Of course, the city officials desire to maintain a recreation center where KEDT, the production studio is located.  The whole idea is ludicrous! The city could maintain a recreation center anywhere on the Southside. 

We finally had rain!! I forgot what rain looked like. 

Beth 

I do not have a clear cut definition of self image.  Here's my definition of self image  

  Self Image- the way you view yourself in terms of physical qualities, self worthiness,  

             and self definition of success ( using the gifts God has given you)  

Lately, I have been truly struggling.  I have felt much self anger and have become too upset with myself.  Two days ago, I scratched myself 3 times in a day.  I feel like there is no escaping from this depression and self anger cycle.  I have seen psychiatrists and therapists in Corpus Christi.  The doctors just want to prescribe medication.  Therapists will only work iwth me on the  surface issues.  As soon as things get deep, the therapists clam.  

I mailed letters to Robin McGraw  3 different times and sent her  2 e-mails.   I sent both Dr. Phil and Robin a long e-mail letter on May 9th.  I know they are too busy to respond.  At least I can look myself in the eye and say I tried to get help.  

       Laurie, SEA, and Suzanne 

      I read you are wondering about me.  I tried to stay off the board as I am facing a  depression 

time.   

    NOscratching myself when I am upset or angry with myself.  I am proud of myself for that.   Part of my success relates to being too emotionally exhausted to do so.  My body keeps trying to turn itself off.  I feel like sleeping  but manage to glue my eyes open during the day.  Emotional sleeping patterns are challenging. 

I keep taking my 80 MG. of Prozac.  Keep forcing myself to do some AVON every day.  I just do what I can.  I end every day with praying the Our Father. 

I WILL BE OKAY.  I JUST NEED TO DO SOME RECOVERY! 

Sending HUGS,,, 

Beth 

SEA, 

I TAKE WALK SOMETIMES MORE THAN I DESIRE.  BECAUSE, I CANNOT DRIVE, I DEPEND ON THE BUS.  SOMETIMES THE WALK TO THE BUS STOP SEEMS SO LONG.  WALKING DOES NOT HELP ME LIKE IT DID PREVIOUSLY.  MAYBE MELODY'S COMPANY WOULD HELP ME RELAX AND SHE WOULD RECEIVE HER MUCH NEEDED WALKS. 

I WATCHED SOME OF OPRAH'S LEGEND BALL AT 7 P.M.  CENTRAL TIME.  I AM NOT MUCH INTO WATCHING CELEBRITY GALAS AS A WHOLE.  OPRAH'S WAS MOVING!! 

Speaking of moving, You move all of us!! 

YOUR POEMS ARE SO TOUCHING.  You elegantly say things we wish we could.!  YOUR  POETRY   HELPS  ME MORE THAN YOU COULD KNOW!! 

YOU ARE A BLESSING!    (( BEAR HUGS FROM  BETH)) 

      DO NOT BLAME yourself  for the challenges you and your wife are facing!! 

              THERE IS HOPE...  HAVE YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAD MARRIAGE COUNSELING? 

                                                            CHURCHES HAVE PASTORS WHO WOULD HELP YOU 

                                                               AND YOUR WIFE DISCUSS THINGS!! 

  Most likely the PAIN YOUR WIFE HAS FELT Since the surgeries 

          is a major part of  this challenge.  YOU and Your Wife's Response to the challenges caused by the surgeries amongst other things Is Dividing both of you.    NO Saling the house yet!   

You are not going crazy!  Talking to a photo is normal.  I sometimes talk to a photo of a friend and I. 

Sometimes verbalizing thoughts to a photo of that person helps in lieu of talking directly to them. 

I CAN TELL YOU ARE A GOOD HUSBAND! !   You are a loving person!! 

 Curly_1, 

 I love your graphics?  Where do  you find such wonderful graphics( images)? 

   I feel so much empathy!!  I had a minor stroke resulting from falling.  Primarily the right side of my brain was affected.   

  Pamper yourself!  Take your time in doing things!!  Please make sure someone is with you..remember God brings people into our lives to help us!! 

   ((HUGS))  

                          Beth 

           I knew how Jay would be treated before he did the experiment.!  I have know how people are treated differently because of physical appearance as I. 

I started being treated differently as soon as Kids and PARENTS noticed that I walked differently. They knew I had challenges balancing and my motor skills were slower.  The kids refused to play with me.  The parents made comments about my slowness.  The only positive comment I remember was people stating how polite I was. 

 After cutting myself with a nail, I found this poem.  I wished I had written a poem like this before I felt so much anger. 

I wanted to share this with everyone...I think we all share similar feelings sometimes 

We all have feelings expressing them can be more challenging for some more than others.  I  

hope this poem helps someone!! 

FEELINGS LIKE ANYONE ELSE 
  

I AM A PERSON LIKE ANYONE ELSE  

JUST BECAUSE I DO NOT  

EXPRESS WHAT I AM FEELING  

DOES NOT MEAN I DO NOT FEEL HURT  

WHEN YOU ATTEMPT  

TO TRAMPLE UPON  ME   

LIKE A PIECE OF GARBAGE  

I REALLY BURN  

 I DO NOT HAVE A TYPICAL   

WOMAN'S LIFE  

NO HUSBAND, NO CHILDREN  

I STILL HAVE DREAMS AND DESIRES  

 I AM A PERSON LIKE ANYONE ELSE  

JUST BECAUSE I DO NOT CRY  

WHEN I STUMBLE OR FALL THROUGH LIFE  

I STILL FEEL SORROW AND PAIN