Messages By: sparlow

To all of the  "ex's" out there!  Move on with your anger and move in to a healthy relationship with your ex's for the sake of those children involved.  I assure you, your child(ren) will be the ones picking up the tab for all of the selfishness. This is not about you nor is it a competition against each other.  The issue at hand is this:  the child(ren) need to see and know they are loved, cared for by all, and that all parties involved have only their best interest at hand. 

My son was 4 years old when his father and I divorced.  It has been 15+ years now since our divorce. In the beginning of starting new lives, I will admit, it was difficult for both my ex and myself to see each other with different people; however, we all made the choice to put our differences aside, (yes, that means putting your agenda last and the child(rens first!)   Since that time, we have all become friends and have done many things together as an extended family.  We celebrate birthdays, holidays, school events and various social gatherings for the support of our son.  We have even vacationed together with their daughter whom also spends time with us on occasion. It is, afterall, my son's sister.  She deserves the same honor and respect as we have all put into our son. 

Overall, my son is a happy, well-adjusted college student with nothing less then admiration for what his parents have given to him.  He spends a great deal of time with all of us.  Our hope for his future is happiness, success but most importantly, to understand we loved him much more than we loved being "right."   I guarantee if you put all your feelings aside (anger, resentment, etc.) for the betterment of your child(ren), you will not only be much happier in your own marriage,  you will have set the  example of  what comes from the true meaning of unconditional love and compromise for your child(ren),  and  they too will become the victors, not the victim's.