Quote From: charlie75 Wow, thank you so much for responding and for being someone who knows what I'm talking about! I was really afraid that someone would reply and not quite get what I was referring to.
It has been an aweful road, terribly aweful. I've been like this pawn intentionally brought into this world for her to feed off of. She is the master of disguise and gets grand joy from her control and manipulations of people and the power to alter situations to her demand. It is truely sickening.
I have more recently stopped all contact with her. I hope I can do it this time forever. The web is so difficult to escape. It's like she has us (her kids) brainwashed from birth, yet once we all got into the real world we had a revelation of just how screwed up she is.
It's funny. I love my mother, but on what basis? I honestly couldn't say. I have no reason to. It doesn't make any sense.
When I was young I was raped by a member of the church my family made us attend. When it went public I was quickly neglected and my mother took the limelight quickly. Soaking up all of the people doting on her and how aweful it was that this has happened to her family. You know... My parents didn't ask me once if I was okay or seek me couselling. My Dad just played right into the palm of her selfish tears that eeringly made me cringe from seeing some sort of satisfaction in her eyes from it. The church and friends ran to her wailing performance. It is one story like this after another.
She was so tempered too. To be challenged or unpraised was forbidden. I can't count the times I took a trip down the stair case due to her rage of defiance. Or how many times she would test her power of guilt and demand. Blah blah blah....
She is a master at being a conartist. It disgusts me that I can't get her help and try to put this family back together. You are so right..... about the whole denial thing. She would take it as a challenge and reason to manipulate more to her favor. She has no remorse or feeling- it's all performance. Most people think that I am exagerating when I say that, but they just don't get it. She really does feel nothing for others.
By the sounds of it, you really don't need me to tell you my stories since you talked in depth with your friend. I have just NEVER met anyone who knew what the hell I'm talking about. It felt like my soul came alive when I read your post. I know, corny but so true!
wow *deep breath*
*sigh* thank you.
I would love to have counselling. In fact I wrote into Dr. Phil to bring my family on his show over 100 times. Then the exec. prod. Laurie called me up a few months back and tried to get us on, but my mother refused to comply. I honestly thought Dr. Phil could help us if I could just get us all to agree to go. He would've seen right through her, I honest ly believe that. Well, to be completely honest, I was a lil bit worried that she could even fool him. She is good at who she has become.
I can't afford counselling. God I wish I could. It's like we are kids brought into this world and kept in an abusive cube, then when released (more like escaping) into the world we realize we have zero tools to survive. I don't mean how to physically live. If anything we are tuff having survived my mother. I just mean internally. We have a terrible sef esteem, cover up our weeknesses by reaction, do the right things out of an engrained fear etc etc. We don't have healthy life tools to deprogram and learn to deal with all that has been endured.
I would love to continue to talk to you about this. Very much so!
