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January 8, 2006, 9:47 am PST

01/05 "Am I Cursed?"

Quote From: amyjayne26

For me religion and the human mind goes hand in hand. I am sure this is true whatever religion you are. I just have told people what has worked for me and if you don't think that is a real answer, than I guess you will just have to do what you will. For me Christianity is the answer, it is the only thing that has helped me many times through my emotional distresses. I just wanted to let people know that there is a way out and it's through the blood of Jesus. I think if I didn't discuss that I wouldn't be giving a person the whole truth about what helped me get through rough patches in life.

I am not a clinical psychologist by any means, but I am not uneducated. I have taken well over 20 hours of college level psychology classes as I was once a psychology major in a liberal arts university. But it didn't really help me. It was missing something, and I found that something quite a few years ago when I gave my life to Christ. I think sometimes we try too hard to find something mentally wrong with a person, and then to find out later that just a little dose of a love that they had never known will cure all things. I don't doubt that there is mental illness out there, but I also don't doubt that some people are just looking for a power greater than themselves. I have read posts on this board that suggested to me that there are quite a few people out there that are looking for that power.

Also I am just defending my maker against anyone that has said he doesn't exist, and if that is evangelizing than so be it. If you are so uncomfortable in reading that, then by all means don't read it.

I didn't say I was uncomfortable reading it. I'm just saying the long and lengthy discussions over religion are in my opinion not appropriate for this particular topic. This topic should focus on helping people with thier problem.

I am also saying that before people start in thinking they are possessed/cursed/whatever, then they need to take the route of making SURE there is nothing physically or mentally wrong with them before turning to things like excorcism or praying with the expectaion that some divine power is going to fix their problems. I don't think that is such unreasonable advice.

What I find unreasonable is people who just automatically give people the advice of "find Jesus" or "pray about it" with the expectation that divine intervention will stop their problem when there could be a physical or mental issue causing their problem, that can be fixed through human means.

Another note, if you took psychology classes in hopes of understanding yourself and helping your problems then you totally missed the point of psychology. You can't diagnose and treat yourself. The whole point of psychology is an objective party looking at a problem of the human mind. And when we diagnose or try to treat ourselves we are NOT objective, we can't be. But then again psychology doesn't work for EVERYONE.

I think it's great that prayer worked for you. I think had you just left your post at "For me Christianity is the answer, it is the only thing that helped me many times through my emotional distress." and then elaborated on that point, like what you did? How you were feeling? How you came to that conclusion. What other methods you tried? Then I think your post would have been very helpful .

I am not trying to dismiss anyone's religious convictions I"m just trying to help people be as helpful as possible with their posts so we can all get the maximum benefit out of this forum.

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liatsunami

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January 8, 2006, 10:12 am PST

01/05 "Am I Cursed?"

Quote From: liatsunami

Your post is the type I'm talking about SHOULD be on this board. It is supportive, but pushy from the religious angle. It also shows that you are personally giving your support to the person in the best method you personally have, which is prayer. Good for you :)

that should say NOT pushy.

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liatsunami

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January 9, 2006, 7:56 pm PST

01/09 Nasty Custody Battles

I'm going to say a couple things here. First, I think parents/step-parents, no matter how nasty their relationship with each other is, they should think about what sort of behavior they are modeling for children involved in these things. Second, just because one of the parties involved is acting like a complete jerk it doesn't give the other people the right to do it. It's just plain juvenille. Be the better, kinder person. If one parent is legitimately afraid of the other parent then go back to court and get the visitation order ammended, don't break the law. If the court order says the father/mother gets visitation then he/she gets visitation so long as child support is paid. Now, that said it doesn't mean the visitiation has to be unsupervised. Insist that the visitation is done in a public place, like a park or a restuarant. Bring a freind or two and hang out in the area so that parent and child can have quality time, but other people and you are around to make sure things don't get out of hand.

I was raised with a father that was a bit like Chris. He's an alchoholic, womanizer/abuser, has gotten 11 DUIs, has smoked crack, has threatened to kill me since I was 3, I'm 24 now, and punched me in the back of the head when I was 9. He supposedly molested my mom's youngest sister and a neighbor girl. He also insisited that I be quiet all time. I wasn't allowed to make noise in the house when I was little. My dad has anger management problems, and mental issues, but I don't think it makes him a bad person. He's sick, and a lot of it has to do with the family he is from. A family full of evil hateful people. That said I wouldn't trade my dad for the world, he loves me, and has always been there when I REALLY needed him, and to me that's what matters. I would have felt HORRIBLE if I ever had to choose between either of my parents. They got divorced when I was 21, and it was NASTY, and I was constnatly in the middle of everything. But as a grown woman I could handle it. I can't imagine how I would have dealt with it if I was a kid.

I think Chris' biggest problem is that he isn't aware of all the things that are going on inside him. He doesn't really deal with emotions. It really seems like the only emotion he knows how to express is anger. For some reason he WANTS to be a father, in my oppinion it's an entitlement and control issue, but I"m not a psychologist so I can't say for sure. But I think he still has his rights, legally. But visitation should be highly supervised, and if Angela is that afraid she should go back to court and get the visitation order changed. The court will deny him visitation if they find him to be dangerous to the safety of the child even in a supervised environment.

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liatsunami

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January 10, 2006, 6:39 am PST

01/09 Nasty Custody Battles

Quote From: lemondrop

Violent men are not sick........the violence is a choice...its intensional, it s about power and control ............they know what they are doing......they are not sick..........they are not patients................they are criminals.............its against the law!!!!!

Good people and good men don't do the things you have described.

I beg to differ. I have a behavioral disorder that is realtated to my inability to control my anger. So I do, technically classify as SICK. I am sometimes uncontrollably violent, and I don't choose to be that way. Some mental illnesses cause violent outburts, and make handling your emotions INSANELY difficult and sometimes impossible. No, I've never physically hurt anyone...yet. Am I capable of it, of course I am. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so, and you'd be hard pressed to find ANYONE that knows me that thinks I am a bad person.

Sure, my dad makes a LOT of bad choices, chronically. But my dad is also one of the most generous, and helpful people I know. He's always doing something for somebody else. Deep down my dad is a good person, he just has a really messed up belief system, and some serious mental health issues.

For you to sit there and judge ANYONE's intentions and insist that all violent people are bad, and are only that way out of their own selfishness shows an EXTREME lack of compassion on your part, which I don't appreciate.

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liatsunami

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January 11, 2006, 10:21 am PST

01/11 Living on the Edge

I've witnessed a lot of addicitons in my relatively short life.

Back in the summer one of my dad's brothers died as a result of years of alcoholism. He'd been drinking regularly since he was 14. The only time he was ever sober is when he was in jail, which was about 3-4 times a year. My maternal grandmother used to live next door to my dad's family and said he used to be the sweetest little boy in the world. All the men in that family including my dad are alcoholics that's 7 boys. One of the girls is a drug addict, and one of the other sisters has been married to an alcoholic. My grandfather could be no better described as Satan himself. The stories I tell people about this family are beyond belief. They've all lived and shared a horrible life.    my father's girlfriend is currently in prison for breaking her probation, she's lost her son, her job, and a home all because of her cocaine addiction.

I don't drink or do any sort of illegal drugs because I see what it does to people. I've seen my dad so drunk he can't move. I was there for his girlfriend after she got raped walking the streets at night to get her fix.   I can remember being 4 years old and riding my tricycle around one of my cousins that was passed out in my neighbor girl's garage.   I've been around and seen a lot.

I did everything I could to help my dad's girlfriend through her drug counseling, and her rehabilitation and after care, but it wasn't enough. I couldn't MAKE her stop. She's 25 years old and she may have completely ruined her life. My dad and I are the first people in her life that really care about her, and we actually try to set rules and boundaries for her. But in the end we can't make her fo anything.

My father's been sober for almost two years now. I live with my mom but I pick him up from work almost everyday because he has no liscence.   He's going to be getting it back in a few months after 2 years of not haivng it. I'm scared to death he's going to go back to drinking, and then drive, if he gets caught again he's going to prison. Then he'll lose EVERYTHING, his job, and his house. I'm 24, but I"m still very dependant on both my parents for alot of different reasons, which I won't get into.

I feel like I"ve been the mother of two out of control teenagers and I'm only in my twenties. I'm so tired, sick , and depressed. I've had to put my life on hold to take care of things for my parents, but they deserve that. It just makes growing up really hard, because I feel guilty if I"m not there to do all the things I fele like I should be doing, because I love them.

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liatsunami

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January 12, 2006, 12:14 am PST

01/11 Living on the Edge

Quote From: h_j_timmer

My brother is living through the same pain as Lisa. He has been an alcoholic for 15 years and it is so severe that I am afraid he is going to die soon if he doesnt get help. When I thought he was dying, I rushed him to the emergency room and his Blood alcohol level was 4.2. He has been through treatment three times. He feels trapped in his life, that he is stuck there, and that it is too late to start over. He is intoxicated for days, even weeks, at a time and doesnt know what day it is. He has blackouts, seizures, and shakes terribly when he is coming off the alcohol. He has lost everything: his career, his wife, his self-worth, and his will to live. The only thing he has left is his family, and he often pushes us away. The alcohol stands between us, and it may ultimately be what takes him from us for good.

This probably isn't want to hear, but sometimes no matter what some people just can't stop. I don't know why that is. They try so hard, but they just can't shake it. My dad lost one of his brother's over the summer. I NEVER saw the man sober since I can remember. He managed to hold out until his fifties, but that could be attributed to the 4-5 jail sentances every year that bought his body a little more time.

The sad truth is your brother may not have that kind of time. I hate to be a downer and say there isn't hope, there is always hope, but your fears are well founded.

All I can say is just love him. Watch for signs of liver and kindney failure if you can. I hope I'm wrong and he can recover before it's too late, and there is a point when you have drank for so long that even if you stop you are going to die because your liver and kidneys are so damaged. I really hope it isn't too late for your brother, and maybe one day he will be able to get better. No one should ever have to watch someone they love die like that.

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liatsunami

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January 13, 2006, 3:11 pm PST

01/11 Living on the Edge

Quote From: 2004vette

Wow, thanks so much for the post. I do NOT want to end up like this, so I am getting help TODAY. I am going to fight like he-- to prove that people CAN stop this destructive behavior.

I'm glad what I said resonated with you. I try to be honest about what really can happen when someone chooses a lifestyle like that. I've seen so many of the people in my dad's family struggle with alcoholism.

The people who love and care about you will be breathing a sigh of relief once you begin treatment. Most importantly, though, you'll be able to be free again. Getting better won't be easy, but I think you'll find the end reward is worth all the hard work.

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liatsunami

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January 13, 2006, 3:38 pm PST

Everyone's A Little Bit Racist.

Let me clarify the oberative defintions I'm going to use here. In International Studies and Relations we talk a lot about the difference between race/ethnicity/nationality.

Discrimination: making choices about somone based on their race/ethnicity (these are different things btw)/sexual preferency, etc...

Prejudice: a belief held that a particular group of people (racial/ethnic/sexual/social) possess particular chracteristics.

Racism: identifying people with a certain racial group, based on outward appearance and physical characteristics

Ethnocentrism: the belief that one's ethnic group is in superior to other ethnic groups

Now, using these definitions above I would have to say everyone's a little racist. Outward physical features are often the first thing we notice about a person. Words like "black", "white", "oriental","native american" and "hispanic" make describing a person to somone who has not seen them easier. For example when you say the word "oriental", the person you are talking to automatically pictures a person with light to medium skin, black straight hair, and certain facial and physical characteristics associated with that particualr race. The person relating the story does not have to detail all these specifics since it is assumed what physical characteristics generally are attributed to somone of "oriental" decent.

I honestly will admit _I_ am a racist if you use the above definition. I recognize that this is simply a tool for relaying information about someone's physical characteristics quickly to another person.

Now I am completely against using race as a basis of any type of judgement of the person's character, habits, hobbies, etc.... I find that to be ridiculous. you can't just look at somone and KNOW who they are. I beleive racism (as defined above) is often the basis for prejudice and as a result discrimination, but the terms do not always have to relate to each other. I think that's why the term racism automatically takes on a negitive connotation.

Most people define racism as : the believe that one's race is superior to other races. I tend to think there should be another term for this, because I define racism as simply a way people categorize others into like groups based on physical characteristics for the purpose of describing general physical characteristics.

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liatsunami

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January 13, 2006, 3:46 pm PST

01/12 Racism Experiment

Quote From: ginintn

I agree with you to some extent, but on the other hand I don't. I am in no way saying that races should be separated or that you should send your children to an "all white" school so that they don't date anyone of color!!!! My daughter has always gone to public schools and she has MANY friends who are black, hispanic, ect., but that's all they are ....friends. Many have tried to date her and she told them no. She told them that she will be their friend all day long, but dating them is out of the question.

I guess maybe unless you are raised or live in the deep south you really cannot understand how stigmatized and mistreated people who are bi-racial or date bi-racially are treated. It has come a long way from what it used to be though because at least now black people are finally treated as equals for the most part. However, if you're bi-racial even the black people look down on you!! I guess you just have to live there to know where I'm coming from!

I don't understand why people black or white or what ever get on the case of bi or multiracial people. It's completely backwards and ignorant. I mean does it REALLY matter if a white person and a black person get together and have kids? People have been crossing racial and ethnic lines for thousands of years and intermarrying with each other. It is NOT a new phenomenon. Ever read ''Othello''? That was written way back in jolly old England in Shakespeare's time and two of the main characters are a bi-racial couple. So I don't see what the big deal is.

Of course considering American history it doesn't surprise me that people are stigmitized for it, but I think if people looked at it in a rational way then they'd see how ridiculous it is.

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liatsunami

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January 13, 2006, 9:51 pm PST

01/12 Racism Experiment

Quote From: Yupi

Hey I hardly see any asian faces as guests of this show. We've got black people and white, wat about the chinese japanese and all those other people. My classmates used to say asian people are ugly and that the atomic bomb in japan created forces that pulled our face back making our eyes small. Wat an ass. People don't realise that asian people are discrimintaed as well... Black people are cool and so are the white people. Please know that us asians are here too!

Well if it makes you feel any better I love the features of asian people. I watch CCTV 9 everyday on satelitte. It's a TV station broadcast out of China for international english speaking audiences. It helps me keep up on news in that region, since Asia is one of the two regions of specialty in my major.

So take heart there are non-asian people out there who are interested in the various cultures of Asia, and appreciate the contributions that Asian countries and people have made to the world.

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Messages By: liatsunami

01/05 "Am I Cursed?"

01/05 "Am I Cursed?"

01/09 Nasty Custody Battles

01/09 Nasty Custody Battles

01/11 Living on the Edge

01/11 Living on the Edge

01/11 Living on the Edge

Everyone's A Little Bit Racist.

01/12 Racism Experiment

01/12 Racism Experiment