Messages By: josettev

After listening to everyone Dr Phil interviewed on the program today, I believe the girl is guilty of manslaughter.  I don't believe she meant to kill the young man.  I believe she was scared and used poor judgement by running away & lying about what happened.  I think she needs to be punished for what she did and believe 12 years is too much.  I am bothered about the windshield damage....it seems she must have been going faster than she said for that much damage to occur.  I think the girl's parents need to not be so defensive about what happened.  They don't seem very sensitive to the young man's family's grief and feelings. 

I am a parent of a son who started experimenting with drugs when he was 12 years old.  I was not an informed parent (this was 25 years ago).  He went to court for the first time at that age  for helping friends steal money ($12.00).  He stole from family members, too.   When he was sixteen, I searched his room & found two grocery paper bags full of drug related stuff, including a scale.  He was warned by me & his father to stop.   

My son's life ended from an overdose of methadone when he was 38 years old, on Dec 14, 2004.  His wife died in July 2004 from her heroin addiction.  They left a son to live as the adopted child of  my oldest daughter.  My son's life was spent in & out of prison from drug related crimes including credit card theft.  I believe my son would have died earlier, but his time in prison kept him off drugs for periods of time. 

My son went to drug treatment twice;and when he was sober, he was a wonderful son.  He suffered greatly, though, from guilt and remorse. 

About 1 1/2 years before he died, while he was in prison, he joined a group of men who were trying to overcome their addictions.  He said he forgave me, his family & was trying to forgive himself.  It was a wonderful time for me to finally have my son back. 

If I had to do it over again, my son would have been in drug treatment when he was 16 and if I had to follow him where ever he went to keep him away from drugs, I would have.  I would have made it harder for him to pursue that lifestyle.  I didn't know how powerful that addiction could be.  I don't even think I know now because I believed my son in 2004 when he told me he would never take drugs again.  Now he is dead.  His struggle is over......mine is not. 

Dear Dr Phil, 

I have written about my son, Phil, several times and when I read about Brandon, it breaks my heart!! 

My son was an alcoholic and a drug addict......he was also addicted to excitement.  He said he wished he could be happy with ordinary things.  He loved to ride motorcycles going as fast as he could; he was the life of the party; when drinking he was the loudest person in the room & sometimes got into fights because of it.   

I, too, didn't think he would live til he was 16, 21, or 30.  He lived to be 38 and only because about half of his life was spent incarcarated for driving and drug /related crimes.  Luckily, he didn't kill anyone, except almost once, in a car accident.  His life ended after he was released from work release & had been sober 1 1/2 years.  For whatever reason he relapsed and died of an overdose of methadone.  He went into cardiac arrest in a bar, was resusitated by paramedics, was taken to the hospital, was released the next morning, went home, was getting ready for church with his pants and one sock on, when his heart stopped again.  He was found 2 days later by his step daughter, who he lived with at the time.   

I never got to say goodbye.....how wonderful that would have been.....but the story isn't over!  He died on Dec 14, 2004, and I cry every day and ask "why?".  Please tell Brandon's family not to give up on him......my son during the last sober part of his life, told people how much he appreciated me visiting him in prison and spending fun time with him.  And that was his gift to me, too.  When he was in work release, I became his sponsor and we went several places together.  He gave me great love and appreciation.   I will cherish those times with him forever. 

My daughter-in-law, Dawnell, died in 2004.  Her body finally gave out from years of drug abuse.  She was 40 years old and had the look of to put it bluntly "an old hag".  She earned money to purchase drugs by prostitution.  She left her my son, Phillip, & their son, Joel. 

Our whole family was affected by the drug use.  Phillip, my son, was also a drug addict & alcoholic & was in and out of jail & prison as he turned to crime for money.  Their son, Joel, at age five was taken away from Phil & Dawnell.  By the grace of God he was allowed to stay with my my oldest daughter & her husband  until they adopted him.

My son, Phillip, died 6 months after Dawnell from an overdose of methadone.  He had been out of prison & clean for six months.

I think my son, Phillip, would have died earlier because he did overdose a couple of times before & every time he went to jail or prison he was off drugs. 

Looking back, I would have put Phil into drug rehab when he was 16 & as many times as it took to keep him clean.  As an adult he was in the 28 day rehab twice. 

When he was clean, he was a loving son......when on alcohol or drugs he was demanding & angry.

I ask "What's the answer? because I couldn't figure out what to do.  Phil is one of 8 children.  His siblings are successful, productive people.  Their occupations are Med/Tech/Microbiologist (working on Master's Degree); CPA-teaching accounting at a community college; office worker; county civil court tech; county sheriff's detective; computer science with Master's degree.; and mother of two attending college for a degree in Business Management.  I'm told "one out of eight isn't bad" but that doesn't make me feel better about the one who didn't make it.

Dr Phil,

For reasons I don't understand I started spanking my first child when she was about two.  I also shook her.  I stopped spanking her when one day she put her arm up to defend herself.  I had seven other children & occasionally lost my cool and spanked.  This was not a positive action on my part.....I was overcome with frustration & lashed out.  Once, and only once, I lashed out verbally with my oldest granddaughter & made her cry.  It took a conscious effort on my  part to keep from hitting my children.

I don't trust myself with my grandchldren so haven't taken care of them unsupervised.