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Messages By: daffydil

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February 10, 2006, 10:40 pm PST

Just plain hopeless (Daffydil).

 I live in Virginia.  Have suffered from depresion off and on most of my  life.  It's worse now, because I'm recovering from surgery on my cervical spine,  Had 9 screws and 9 plates put in to correct severe stenosis and nerve damage.  Been in this stiff neck collar for almost three months now.  Just got released to ride in a car (still no driving), but even that's only for Dr.'s visits or emergencies.  I also have epilepsy and several kinds of arthritis.  I grew up with a very  abusive alcoholic.  Between 1997 and 2002 I lost both my grandmothers ,a dear friend of nearly 25 years, an ex-father-in-law I  was very close to, my present father-in law I was also very close to, my mother, two elderly dogs and a dear uncle.  Barely had time to grieve for one loved one before I lost another.  After my mother died, my brothers expected me to take care of my father (and I use that  term loosely! )  I refused after consulting with my physician. my husband and several close friends who have known me most of my  life.  They all agreed I  made  the right decision. The man told me I was a mistake when I was seven years old.  Anyway, I have no self-esteeem and have no idea how to find any.  I cry a the drop of a hat. I can't find employment because as soon as employers see the word "epilepsy" they won't even consider hiring me,  I feel useless. Don't know why I'm writing, except to vent.  I keep hoping God will take some of this burden away.  I keep hoping I'll become a stronger person,   I feel like a waste of space.   Anybody got any words of wisdom?    ~help~
 
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February 11, 2006, 10:36 am PST

ISDBAKER, THANK YOU

Quote From: jsdbaker

  

  

  I know I don't have all the right words to tell you, but  we all suffer from depression on here ( or know someone who is suffering) and so in some form or another we can relate and understand.  Please hang in there.  You are not just a waste of space, You are beautiful,  You are wonderful, You are kind, and You are strong - You are a survivor.  Yes, we still carry the scars with us and yes, sometimes they hurt so much we can barely go on, but go  on we do and you will too.   You are no mistake - God knew you before you were born and He calls you beautiful - His precious daughter - He cares for you.  And I care for you.  If there is anything I can do please let me know.  You are not useless.  You are valuable, and strong.  What you have been through makes you that much more of a strong person today.  Vent anytime!  That's what we are here for!  Love, Jewels 

Oh. I'm "hanging' alright!   I don't feel strong. I feel  weak and totally unable to fix it.  Before the epilepsy hit me in my early thirties, I was an advertising coordinator for a prominent grocery chain.  Been told by many talented people that I am "such a good artist'.  I stopped drawing some months ago due to pain and numbness in my hands prior to surgery and all my drawings seemed to be soooooooo sad. I kept hearing "Why do you draw things like that?". Why is it that people cannot grasp that you cannot simply "snap out if it?!   I don't know  how...and haven't found any magical formula yet.  My husband does not get it and neither does my son.  I do have some very close friends, but they have thier own problems right now, so the last thing I want to do is add to them.  I don't know , just feel real isolated in my misery right now.  Thank you for lending an ear and some kind words.  

 
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February 11, 2006, 11:59 am PST

Hello SEA

Quote From: yesyoucan

You could copy and paste your post to an e-mail to Dr. Phil by clicking CONTACT DR. PHIL at the bottom of the message board. I think that would be an excellent show about the discrimination of handicapped in the workplace and might make cognizant to employers doing so. Sometimes people don't really think about what they are doing until addressed. Then, as well, if you look for work through State Employment agencies often they have training programs PLUS most employers who go through State Employment are reluctant to discriminate for that reason through the State "and" many ARE looking to help specific inidviduals and make State Employment agency aware of that. That, too, is another way to get a job where you are less likely to be discriminated against is through State, County, City or Federal jobs which you can check online to find those. Not all jobs are advertised in the newspaper or even at State Employment Agency either one. Sorry you have been discriminated against due to your epilepsy. Sorry, too, that you have lost so many loved ones. I have lost except one of mine and does hurt deeply and so why I included Joel Osteen of Lakewood and New Hope links. You can watch Joel Osteen on TV or online and I watch him every week. Watched 4 times a week after mother died when THANK GOD quite par chance I flipped onto station and caught his opening corny joke and first time I'd laughed since mother passed away.

GOD Bless You

It IS not original it is eternal
SMILE
God loves you


Today...begin a simple SELF MATTERS notebook and title in large print SELF MATTERS INCLUDES and sign your name with confidence! A personal notebook (and can just be a spiral notebook) and make 10 DAILY entries complimenting yourself as Dr. Phil suggested beginning of season 4. Title each DAILY entry of ten positive affirmations about yourself SELF MATTERS INCLUDES and sign your name with confidence.

HOUROFPOWER.ORG has 24 hour New Hope & Teen Hope online counselors

www.newhopenow.org/counseling/liveperson.html

714NEWTEEN 714-639-8336

714NEWHOPE 714-639-4673

JoelOsteen.com

www.joelosteen.com

IF YOU'D LIKE TO RECEIVE A FREE DAILY POSITIVE MINUTE E-MAILED TO YOU EACH A.M. JUST GO TO LINK BELOW on hourofpower.org

www.hourofpower.org/email/about.html

www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003213.htm

Finally, at the above link scroll down to "Home Care" and begin reading there. Too, exercise oxygenates teh brain so if you do not have a doctor approved exercise plan check into that. And...if you don't have an epilepsy service dog...check into that. I have to get ready to pick up my neighbor and take her on some errands this a.m. and you will receive other replies too. To find replies on MAIN message board page you will see your last three messages. Click on each and then click "See replies to this message and you will see them all. As well, you can click on your name in quote box to go to your original message and then click on "See replies to this message." Hugs and prayers and nice to meet you.

Oh, I have checked ALL of Dr. Phil's books out at the library to read. Even if not at your library they will order from another branch FREE. Once a book was sent to me from WASHINGTON STATE. "When God Winks" by SQuire Rushnell. Below are links to synopsis of SELF MATTERS and LOVE SMART (Love Smart is a fun book to read). Ten LIfe Laws are from the book "Life Strategies. Enjoy...

SELF MATTERS (AUTHENTIC SELF): www.drphil.com/articles/article/73

LOVE SMART: drphil.com/articles/article/504

TEN LIFE LAWS: drphil.com/articles/article/44

As far as the epilepsy service dog, I'd love one, but my seizures are under control(Thank God) and my husband and I are now living with my mother in law.  She and I are close, but she doesn't like animals the way I do and would not allow me to have one in her home.  I have a Germen Shepherd.  She adores my husband, but since I am the one who does the bathing, ear cleanig ,etc., she kind of just tolerates me.  I had two cats. One I had to give up to my son when we moved here. I miss him terribly, though I am able to see him sometimes.  My other cat will be fourteen years old soon and has had two strokes, so I don't expect to have her long now.  I do have her here now, but she is not allowed in the house either. My dog and cat are kept on the back porch,  When my husband and I were in our own home (My son and his wife live there now) my cats and dogs had the run of the house and were a lot of company to me.  Just something else I guess I have to get used to being without.  My brothers have not spoken to me since I refused to care for that abusive alcoholic (Actually,I prefer to call him simply a sperm donor!)  That's been five years now.  We used to be so close.  They grew up in the same awful environment I did, but I don't seem to matter anymore.   I'd love to have a dog that jumped for joy when he saw me, but I don't see that hppening either. We moved here, with my mother in law because of her health and now I'm incapacitated from the surgery and pretty much useless.  Thank God she seems to love me!  I know I'm rambling, so I'm going to stop now.  Thank you for your encouragement and kind words.  They meant a lot.  

 
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February 11, 2006, 7:55 pm PST

Daffydil (again)

    I just want to thank everyone who has responded to me with such kindness.  When you are depressed, you feel  soooooooo isolated .  I must apologize if my typing is a little inaccurate.  It is very difficult to see the keyboard ( and I've neve been a touch typist ) with stiff neck collar on.  I don't remember who told me to try keeping a journal, but I've done that.  Sometimes, it does help... sometimes it just seems to make everything seem "Bigger" for lack of a better term.  There are people around me who think talking about my problems is wrong. That I should not tell people about things that are wrong in my life.   I was always under the impression that talking, or venting to someone was good for you. Am I a big "wuss"?
 
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February 11, 2006, 9:22 pm PST

Depression

Quote From: yesyoucan

You are very lucky to have a mother-in-law who loves you. It isn't often everything is going perfectly at once and sounds like you have a tight rein on what is going right and that is positive. Dogs and cats have been scientifically proven to be therapeutic to people so it would be nice if you could have your German Shepard and cat inside. That said, to some people dogs and cats are just the opposite and stressful and sounds like you have worked out the best that you can at least for now. Thank God they get to be there even if only on the back porch. Do you and your German Shepard ever get to go for walks? The Dallas Police said that a dog is more protection than an alarm system as most would be burglars avoid houses with dogs so your German Shepard is a watch dog even if gentle. I have a mixed up Collie...I mean a Collie Mix. Have you ever checked into www.al-anon.org for moral support? I hope things keep getter better and better every day for you. Hugs and prayers and thanks for the reply. SEA
 IHello again Sea...   yes, i am fortunate to have a mother in law who loves me.  My mom's birthday was february 9th.   It still bothers me so not to have her to talk to... to hug.  Unfortunately. my dog does  not walk on a leash well.  I would love to be able to do that.  It is now after midnight. I have tried three times to get comfortable and sleep, but find i am unable to. Been missing my brothers, too.  Five years is a long time.  I still don't understand that situation.  It's like when my mom died, I lost my whole family.  The last time I saw my eldest brother, was in the emergency room with  my father. His last words to me were "You!  I don't like you! I"ve never liked you!'m not even sure you're mine!"  the attendinding physician put his arm around my shoulder, then put my father in lockdown.  My brother never said a word to me or tried to comfort me at all.  A stranger(The physician) had to do that.  I don't see things getting better.  I just keep sinking deeper into this darkness.  I feel like the mistake my father always accused me of being.  I'm almost 55 years old  and can't even support myself.  Despite all the medical problems, the Social Security Administration turned me down for disability.  I know God is supposed to answer all prayers. I guess sometimes the answer is no, but I keep trying.  My son has described me as miserable to be around, He has no idea how misrable I feel about myself .  wish there was a magic spell that would help me find my "old"self, but I'm too old to believe in magic at my age.  I think the worst part of all this is feeling like NOBODY really understands how bad I feel about myself.   Thank you, again so much for "talking"to me.     
 
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February 11, 2006, 9:23 pm PST

Daffydil

 
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February 11, 2006, 9:26 pm PST

Daffydil (again)

     Oh,God.  I'm so screwed up. Sorry  that last message of thanks should have gone to "YesYouCan".
 
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February 11, 2006, 10:21 pm PST

Daffydil

Quote From: nekocats2

Can I help? 

  

I just loged on?  I have not spoke with you before.  But, can I help?  Can I do anything to help you? 

  

I have gotten much help here myself. So, if I can help, let me know.  Just give me a chance.  OK?  \et me know.  Just give me a chance.   I know it is late.  I will wate some.  OK?   

  

Neko/Vickie 

  

    Hello Nekocats...  it was kind of you to reply to me.  I'm not sure anyone can help, but it sure feels nice to have someone to takl to.   I just logged on for the for the time on February 10th.  I sure hope you're still on line.   

 
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February 12, 2006, 9:51 am PST

It's Daffydil

Quote From: yesyoucan

By the way I love your cute member name. I hope to see you again and I hope you are catching all the blessing prayed your way. There was a time that I prayed and prayed and prayed in desperation yet forgot to look for my prayers being answered. You know, as I look back...pretty much every prayer I ever prayed WAS answered. Most times even better than what I asked for except I often didn't see because I was so busy looking down worrying or back regretting that I didn't claim them. BELIEVING is SEEING our prayers answered that we pray and others pray for us. I hope you and I and all of us here are blessed abundantly so let's keep our eyes open so we see all the possibilities each day. Life is like an Easter Egg Hunt. Blessings are everywhere and all that is required to find blessings in our lives is looking for them. So let's all keep our eyes open so our basket overflows with blessings. That's sort of a twist on my cup overfloweth. Thanks for reply and this post. (((HUGs and I hope we all see the promise in each day beginning today.))) SEA

Blessings From God for Daffydill, me and us all

GOD has our photograph
On HIS cabinet of bottled blessings
To remind HIM to bless us each day


Roll Call for Today

sometimes
we see the pain of the past
more than the promise of today
  I'm sorry I missed you too.  Glad you like the username.   My husband's aunt used to call me that. My real name is Daphne.  I sent a reply of thanks earlier, but sent it to the wrong person... someone else who had written me.  I rarely get the chance to be on he in the daytime. .. no privacy.  Usually late at night, when the whole house is asleep.  The phone is ringing.  I'll get back with you. 
 
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February 12, 2006, 10:01 am PST

hello Beverly

Quote From: beverlyc

about what we think. Most of us have felt what you are feeling at some time or another. Our children are what give us headacks, gray hair and much grief, they also give us joy, love and comfort once they grow up and get past those awful stages. I hope that is what happens with your son. My daughter once told me when I told her how difficult she had been as a teen "Mom, that was my job discription at that age". Getting your son the help he need is what a good mother does. Allowing him to continue on the path he is taking will only lead to death. It does not matter what he says now, it is what he becomes later and says to you then. "Thanks mom for saving my life", " You did the right thing". and much more. I am running out of battery so I must say good night for now, but I will post tomorrow and hope you are feeling better. You are not a wuzz you are overwhelmed. Been there many times!!! LOL Bev

   Daffydil here.  some of your message confused me.  My son, though he really doesn't understan being depressed  is a successful young man.  he doesn't need the help.  It's me.  I appreciate  your kind words. thank you. 

  

 

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