Messages By: vinswife

Quote From: jettav

My children have always slept in their own beds with an occasional sleeping with mommy and daddy for whatever reasons, we do love to snuggle and have those times together but I definetly enjoy my bed along side of hubby, just the two of us. Now, recently both my girls, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 have been getting up in the night and either getting in bed with us or on the couch, they like sleeping together, so we are in the process of putting them in the same room togehter and if they want they can sleep together, We have turned the smaller room into a play room and they absolutely love it and now when they wake up, they go in there. we do not do naps here and they are ususally ready for bed at 9 and they say, "night night" and off to bed they go. Of course we do the bed time routine, snack, bathes, 30 minute movie, Bible story, prayers, and then bed time. and if they don't head towards bed, I let them play for about 10 minutes then I start counting and by the time I get to five they are giggling and in bed and asleep in no time. This schedule works perfect for them. I think one thing that is helping is the fact that they feel in control, they choose the snack, the movie and the story and they are easy to lay down. consistency is the key I think, kids reaslly do adapt to the life style that they are brought up in.

Quote From: spin462002

Dear Barbara, I can relate to your dilemma. I have had the same one but my child is 11! (her name is Naomi) It has been a steep learning curve for me! We went through months of tears at bedtime, night lights, knocks on my bedroom door in the night, general insecurity and irrational fears for no apparent reason. Five years old is very young, and many children much older than that feel insecure or fearful at night for no apparent reason. I have come to see that MY attitude influences my daughter and her behaviour. I would feel guilty and confused when she cried, and see myself as being "too harsh" if I insisted she stayed in her bed and went to sleep without any fuss. Eventually a good friend suggested I might be contributing to the problem rather than enabling my daughter to overcome her fears and insecurities. Only a good friend can be that honest! I am blessed! I bought some good quality children's audio tapes and a player for them. I gave them to my daughter as a gift and she was delighted. She started to listen to them after I tucked her in and would easily fall asleep listening to them (very quietly). Sometimes she would still express fear about nothing in particular. I talked to her (she is 11 remember, I don't recommend this for a five year old) about her fears, reassured her and gave her ideas for dealing with her feelings herself. Rather than crying and feeling sorry for herself or being scared, she is allowed to get up and make herself a glass of milk and a cookie or listen to her tapes. This has worked as I have seen and understood that it is the only loving thing to do. We must extend our children emotionally, and we must do it lovingly without guilt. Now I can see that what I saw as "too harsh" was in fact loving kindness, helping her to manage her feelings and overcome her fears. My own confusion and guilt had only increased her own fear and confusion, and I had to be the one to change first! I hope this makes sense Barbara? Once I convinced myself I was a loving mommy who wanted what was best for my child, I was able to be firm and unwavering about the behaviour and my response to it. Children need firm loving guidance more than sympathy and fussing. Try the tape/cd player idea if it appeals to you. Even music might do the trick. Whatever is peaceful and sleep inducing! Once he can read to himself a whole new world will open up to him. Go through the bedtime routine and firmly say good night and switch the tape/music on very quietly. I can almost guarantee he will be asleep in no time and then it's only a matter of time before he forgets about the tape/cd and goes to sleep easier or later reads himself to sleep. Break the cycle and be firm but loving. No sympathy, no guilt. Just do what's best for him. Naomi now puts herself to bed and reads for a while before going to sleep. Before she could change, I had to. Know you are a kind loving mommy and be firm. Your son can only benefit long term. with love Lynn