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April 13, 2006, 2:00 pm PDT
I understand
Quote From: hope_1I think I made the wrong choice staying home with my daughter. My husband preassured me into it & worked on me while I was pregnant to stay home with her. It wasn't really what I wanted to do but it seemed like the right thing to do for her at the time. So I caved In. I have never been more bored or understimulated in my life. I hate every single second of it. I feel suffocated & frustrated. I wish every day I could go back to my job. I liked working, it made me feel good to make my own money, I don't like to be dependant on my husband to support me. It was a kind of social outlet for me too. I was useful & I made a difference. I MATTERED. Now all I do is change diapers & clean the house. My husband doesn't support me. I think he feels that since he's the breadwinner that he's done his part & he doesn't feel obligated to help me. My child is 1 & 1/2 years old & I have gone out with friends about 2-3 times since her birth. The only time I go anywhere without her is when I go grocery shopping. I feel so guilty for feeling this way & I think she deserves a abetter mom, but I can't wait for her to be old enough to go to school. I have noone to help me. I do it all, & I do it alone & I hate it. I feel bad when I look at her, She's beautiful & a good kid but I just don't feel joy about being a parent. I think it's 3% enjoyable & 97% frustrationg & hard work. I don't understand the "rewards" everyone is alway's talking about. I'm so unhappy & I'm afraid of how this will affect my child. Will this ever get better? Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a horrible person??? Please help. Any (kind) suggestions would be appreciated. What do you do when you have noone (including your spouse) to help with the house & child care responsibilities? How do you find time for yourself?
Signed,
A mom at then end of her rope It's hard for me to respond to this because I have read the other responses, and know I'm going to get judged just like you. But you were brave enough to stick your neck out and put your feelings on the line so I will too. Yes, there is someone else who feels much like you do, and it's me. I have a 10 year old and a 4 year old. I have worked part-time at various points in their lives and also completed a masters degree. I rally enjoyed these times. But I had to do an internship to finish my masters and I swear my husband and I fought the entire year. His job is very demanding, so my also having demands outside of the home put a large stress on all of us. I would love to work, get out of the house, make some of my own money, but with my husband's job the way it is, I just don't know if it's worth the hassle. All the childcare, housework, etc, would still be on me. So, what would I really gain? The hardest part IS doing it alone. My parents are both deceased and I don't have family in the area. At the times where I have had a mom-friend it has made a huge difference. But my last mom-friend moved out of state 2 weeks ago and I am really missing her. I don't know what else to say to try to comfort you other than I know exactly how you feel- bored and lonely. And just for the record to all you JUDGERS out there: I love my children more than life itself. I don't need therapy. Bear in mind that certain activities have different degrees of difficulty for different people. For me, this is really hard, but I'm doing what I believe is best for my children and my family as a whole. I'm sure there are things I do very well and that I enjoy that might drive YOU out of your minds!
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