Messages By: koltonsmom

I live in Alberta, Canada, and you can't punish or disipline your children here.  Children's Services are the first ones to let your children know that they don't have to listen and there is nothing that you can do about it. 

When my step daughter was in grade six, we finally got fed up with her stealing all of the time.  She stole from us, from other family members, from school,  from anyone who had anything she wanted.  On October 1 we told her that as of that moment, we were taking Halloween away from her.  If, by October 30, there were no more incidents of stealing, we would give it back to her.  On the 28th the school called us that she was caught stealing again.

On Halloween night, we got her two younger sisters dressed up and away we went.  The daughter in question had to walk along with me and her dad while we took the other two trick or treating.  She didn't seem to care as she had fun walking with us and watching all the kids.

The next day we got a call from Children's Services and were accused of cruel and unusual punishment ( that is what it says on our permanent file), and we had to undergo a 6 month support order with them, where someone came into our home weekly.

We still think we did the right thing....we took something away from her because she was continuously taking things from others.She was given the opportunity to get it back and chose not to.  But after that happened, the girls learened that they didn't have to listen to us and if we did something they didn't like all they had to do was ask the school to make the call for them.

They have done it many times, for us standing them in the corner, for sending them to bed early, etc. and the amazing part is that we have had are hands slapped for all of it.  So, now the girls are out drinking, doing drugs, one of them prostitutes herself...they have all left our home of their own accord and I can't help but think that maybe if we could have taught them that there were consequences that they may be different people.

When I was 18 I got married to a very jealous and abusive man.  I wasn't allowed to work cause if I did it just meant that I wanted to look at other men.  I got beat up almost daily.  If I made the bed I got beat up cause it meant that I was covering up from having another man there; if I didn't make the bed I got beat up cause it meant that I was too busy in the bed with another guy.  When I changed my underwear I had to leave it in the middle of the bedroom floor, cause if I put it anywhere, like the hamper, it meant that I was trying to hide it.  He couldn't keep a job cause he left work at all hours of the day to come home to check to make sure I was alone.  In one of the pictures from my wedding, there is a picture of me dancing with a man that he didn't know so I got beat up...the man was my uncle.  If I went to visit my mom who only lived a couple of blocks away, I always got beat up because, he said that my mom was bringing guys to her house for me.  Finally, after three broken ribs, and I thank God that that was the worst injury I received, the police told my mom that something needed to be done to get me out of there before he killed me.  I was so afraid to leave, because I was afraid of what he would do to me if he found me.  With help and support from my family, I finally left....I think the fear of being killed was finally stronger than the fear of being found by him... and we have now been apart for 25 years.  He is so possessive and crazy, though that he still tells people that I am coming back someday and that one day he will find me.  However, I live about 350 km away from where he lives, and he has no idea where I am, so I don't care what the nut thinks!

Get strong and get out!  And even if you don't get strong first...get out and get strong later...that's what I did.  I am absolutely positive that if I hadn't left, I would have been dead long ago.   We all deserve to live happy and safe.