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bluhrig
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May 27, 2006, 12:51 pm PDT

Pretty/Ugly

When I was student teaching, one of my professors said that pretty people have the best chance to find jobs in the teaching profession.  I once did not get a job in a one-man business because his wife thought I was too young and pretty and did get my first job because I looked ok.  Age 17.  I do not consider myself to be pretty but am generally satisfied with how I look. Verbal abuse as a child affected how I think of myself.
 
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bluhrig
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July 2, 2006, 10:40 am PDT

Let ex kick your ass?????

Quote From: ajfan40

I have been with my husband for 16 years. When we had been togeather for about 6 months I found out that he was still having his ex-girlfriend cut his hair. That came to an end eventually.  

Or, so I thought one day about a year ago I picked up his cell phone that he had left in the car because it was ringing and I noticed that he had text messages. I read all his messages and every single text message was from his ex telling her telephone number, where she works and so on.  He told me I was a screwed up nutball and that I had mental issues.  If I ever say anyting about her he defends her and today I called her a slut. He said again that I was a fucked up nutball and that he was going to tell her that I called her a slut and let her kick my ass. I am really ready to leave him and move on. Please help me. 

Sincerely, 

  

Julie Adams 

You don't need a husband who is so insensitive.  I'd kick his ass out of the house.  

  

 I've been married for 36 years.  My h didn't even mention ex girlfriends until after 20 years.  Of course, he isn't one of those guys whose head snaps around whenever he sees a woman.  

  

I was married before - at 18. No kids.  I rarely talk about things I did with him or our life together, but that was 9 years of my life.  My h was insanely jealous for several years.  After one divorce, I wasn't about to give up on him.  Luckily he came to his senses.  

  

Please don't try to make your husband jealous by going with another man.  I'd dump him and then think about why I put up with it so long.  

  

  

  

  
 
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bluhrig
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July 31, 2006, 9:40 pm PDT

Pretty/Ugly

Quote From: kristal22

 I can honestly say that looks are very important in today's society. I say this because I have been on both spectrums of this topic. A year ago I was 218lbs, & a size 16. Guys would pay me no attention, and I was basically non-exsistant except to my family & friends. My Dr. told me I had to lose weight. So I started going to the track for an hour to an hour in half. Strength training, and so on and so forth. Today I am 125lbs and a size 4. I am considered "Pretty" now. I get alot of unwanted attention. I am the same exact person I was when I was 218lbs, only alot healthier. Yet I am treated differently in society. I worked hard to get to where I am now with exercise & diet. I did it for myself. I have also moved up at work, after a head boss took notice of me. I know that if I was 218lbs my head boss wouldn't have noticed me. So I say that yes looks do matter today in this society.  

Congratulations on getting to be in the shape I hope you want to be.  Don't be discouraged because you are suddenly being noticed.  I know it can be unnerving to get attention (including unwanted, too much attention) only because of how you look but don't decide to put on weight just to turn it off.  Watch TV and  see how much attention big breasted women get.  No one is looking at their faces.  It's too bad you were overlooked by a big boss before your new look, but remember, you'll do well and keep the promotions because of how you do the job.  It was his loss if he didn't notice you before.  Being healthier, it's possible you may project a move lively personality.  Just don't get too cynical because people categorize others because of how they look.  The rest of us don't.
 
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bluhrig
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July 31, 2006, 9:43 pm PDT

Oklahoma education

Quote From: ripsaw

Dear Dr. Phil,   

  I remeber a time when you may have said 93% of communication is non verbal. So people who take care of themselves do get better tratment. By looks, I am fat and very ratty. I have holes in the shirt (its also gotten bleached out from welding 60+hours a week,months on end), old blue jeans. and you better beleive that I make that other 7% work for me. I always smell good (givinchi-pi is a great smell), My hair is a ways cut and finger nails trimmed. I don't cuss and act like I've got class (in my speach patterns and mannerisms). I just look like a low class criminal from the type of work I do. When I go to the store. sales people cringe at me (I'm usually burned or got some type of visible injusry). thats ok with me becasue they cannot influance me in my decisions or confuse me (sorry for the spelling I have a oklahome education). When I do have to corner 1, I start with a joke about a buddie being a highpatrolman and who he has pulled over (it eases the tension). Then when I leave the checkout lines seem shorter (go figure)  

I wish I knew you.  You made me laugh out loud.
 
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September 24, 2006, 6:20 pm PDT

Marry Me Or Else

Quote From: wanjikus

I am a woman in her forties and unmarried. If I was ever with a man and he told me he doesn't want to get married while that was my desire, I would take that to mean that he doesn't want to marry me. I would terminate the relationship in a kind way and move on.  When a ma says he doesn't want to get married it means he wants to be free to chose another partner because he feels you are not the one.

You have a good point.  However, some guys may actually not want to get married. No one will be the one.

 

I  do not intend to be judgemental in my comments below.  If someone wants to live-in and not marry, they should go ahead.  I know people who are live-ins where they are as happy as any couple can be.

 

Women who want to be married should not date men who do not and vice versa.  Yes, I understand about the overwhelming feelings of love and desire.  As you get older, you learn how to delay reaching for satisfaction if there is a more important issue at hand.  You wait to marry to find the man who is really the one, someone you can relax and be yourself around..  You delay satisfaction of having a new car while you save up to aviod high debt.  Have you really, really wanted something and got it and felt disappointed that it didn't make you feel the way you secretly expected to feel after you bought it?  Have you ever not gotten something you couldn't bear to live without and noticed that after a short while, the desire was gone?

 

It is hard enough to change a man by expecting him to put the cap on the toothpaste (I know someone who divorced over issues like this).  How can you expect to change his maind about getting married or having children?  Save yourself grief.

 

And, if you want to get married and the guy won't set a date...you can either take it and be happy or leave.  He's told you what is really in his heart.  Give him a break.
 
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April 9, 2007, 8:25 pm PDT

Was the child's father abused, too?

Quote From: fixinit

 What the hell ?  My husband and I are sitting here absolutely speechless !  Angry as hell too!  Are these so-called grandparents missing something?  Like morals, decency and integrity?  I have witnessed more emotion on a houseplant !  The apple hasn't fallen too far, the son seems to be lacking the same. They (so-called grandparents) sit there so casual and removed as if what they did required only a band-aid.  I wanted to turn the televison off but I could not turn away.  This little girl will feel the aftershock of this horrible event for the rest of her life!  He got one year in PRISON (yes grammaw, PRISON, not just "away") and Grace gets LIFE in her own prison.  I take exception that this creep was allowd to wear make-up.  To protect who?  I say expose him for the predator that he is, so that every parent will recognize him and save thier own children.  CAT, DO NOT TAKE YOUR EYES OFF OF THIS CHILD!
My husband, who is not a Dr. Phil watcher, was so enraged by this story, he stayed for the entire hour.  The child's father's face had as little expression as his mother's did until right at the end.  It made me wonder if he had been abused by one of his parents, too, or raised to suppress all emotion.  We decided that CAT should divorce her husband and move away, change her name and stay away from all three of them.  Grace certainly needs counseling but by someone recommended by Dr. Phil.  If Grandpa had 2 years of counseling, that is one very ineffective counselor.   If he found Christ though a church, his pastor should have spoken to him about personal responsibility as well.  People who believe in no God at all can be moral.  Those grandparents are the most amoral people I have ever seen in my 65 years.  Without morals.  Sociopaths?  Grace is lucky to have such a caring, intelligent, insightful mother.  Her mother will be the one who helps her get through this and not let it blight any more of her life.  How grandma can hold the hand with the finger that invaded her granddaughter is totally beyond me.  Grandpa's comments made me want to vomit and he is not my husband, not my child's father, not my grandchild's grandparent.  Can't she see that if a stranger has more compassion for her child and grandchild than she has, something must be wrong with her?  CAT needs to see how her husband reacts in the interview with his parents and judge his ability to parent Grace.  She needs to see him for what he is just as grandma needs to see grandpa clearly.
 
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bluhrig
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April 28, 2007, 3:54 pm PDT

step-father abuse

Quote From: angel_1963

I know about this topic very well, because I lived it for 2 years with my son and his step-father,  2 weeks after I was married to a man I really truely love, he started hitting my son cussing him, twisting his arms, screaming him throwing things at him and calling him a loser, fat and ba*****d kid.  I had to refree for 2 years.  But if you do not put a stop to it early in you marriage it will never stop it will only get worse to the point that he might even start hitting you like my husband did.  I had escape when my husband took my child to Utah and he was going to break my child neck.  I finally escape by calling the police and having him arrested and then I left back for Texas.  So I would stop it fast and soon.   I finally woke up and I hope she wakes up before it is to late.  You can alway get another man, but you can not replace your children. But this are you flesh and blood and I have learn that I would not let a man hurt my child no more.  Because  it also emotionally hurts them too.  I wish I had left sooner, but I was scared of this man because he was volient toward me as well but I had to fight for my child as well.   It end in 2006 after he cracked my rib, and I am so glad to be away from this mess.  My son is so much happier......Teresa
It's bad enough that a parent engages in this behavior, but for a mother to choose a man who will do this to a son she already has is outrageous.  Unless Dr. Phil can perform a miracle, dump him.
 
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bluhrig
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July 7, 2007, 8:19 am PDT

Not potty trained

Quote From: mrsparker

No potty training the kids WHAT????? the kids will need Dr Phil for a long time.  Thank God Dr. Phil is still young enough to give these kids the years of help they will need.  I dont understand why the kids don't do it they are old enough to know to use the restroom.  Don't they go to school??  Other kids are really mean don't they get teased?  This is WAY WRONG!
Yuck!  We always assumed those really stinky kids (in high school special education classes) - fewer than one every five years - were just dirty or had poor hygiene.  We never guessed this could be the cause.  If those kids don't have a documented physical problem and past help, those parents are among the most abusive I've ever heard of.
 
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September 1, 2007, 10:55 am PDT

Toughening up your child

My dad was very critical - jokingly saying things like your feet are so big no one will ever want to marry you - and it didn't toughen me up.  I took it to heart.  I do have big feet (size 10, narrow) but have had no trouble finding a husband.  Finding a friend or boyfriend (it's a long story) has always been a problem because I lack self-confidence in general.
 
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October 20, 2007, 2:05 pm PDT

falling down drunk

Someone I know who would drink to be drunk frequently fell down the stairs one time too many and ended up in a wheel chair with 24 hour help.  He died after only 3 years.  Luckily, they had resources but his wife was left exhausted and without a husband in her 50's.
 
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