Messages By: retlady

IF I WAS DR. PHIL I WOULD HAVE HAD TO GET UP & WALKED OFF THE STAGE. BECAUSE NO BUDDY LISTENED TO DR. PHIL TODAY AT ALL!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely no offense taken!  Thanks for asking.  There was so little time to "air" everything that has gone on.

I was initially hesitant to appear, but figured I have dealt with this stuff for 19 years since I've been with my husband, so - let them get in off their chests and move on.  I guess what I feel better about is that there is some sort of resolution, even if it was not what I/we had hoped for. 

I used to worry that there would be a time that problems may arise between my husband and I, but not any more.  He has been so incredibly supportive - he's AMAZING!

Becoming parents has totally changed our perspective things.  We have made so many changes in our lives because on our precious son.  We have even had to sever ties with some of our friends because they are not what we want him raised around.  Yes, we used to have some "pretty wild parties"  as Tim says.  But, they fail to mention, that was YEARS ago!

I'm not sure if you watched the show or not, but I was very hurt by some of the personal attacks made on me.  They picked every "nasty" photo of me they could find, like on vacation (at the beach) to say that I dress like a "hoochie mama."  I was asked to send in photos too, but only sent photos of my husband and I.  I did not go searching for things to make THEM look bad.

The comment about me posting on Tim's website to set up phony listing appointments is totally false, and over TWO years ago!!!  Besides, whoever did it used MY NAME!  If I was going to do it, wouldn't I have been smart enough to use a false identity?  Duh!  Especially if I didn't want them to know it was me.  Someone wanted it to look like it was me, and they did a great job.  They all fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker!

I'm not sure that anything will ever be better now.  I went in seriously desiring a relationship with my husband's parents.  I'm not even sure if I want that now.  They are the ones who initially called us about adopting our son.  For crying out loud, if I truly am the "spawn of Satan" that they are trying to make me out to be, don't you think they would have said, "Hey, thanks for thinking of them, but she's crazy.  I don't think she'd be a very good mother." ?

I know I should forgive, forget, move on - that is the right, Christian thing to do.  But, how do I?  How do ever fix a situation where someone was humiliated in front of MILLIONS of people?  How is that ever made right again?

I saw your earlier post saying that the children should know their families.  I used to agree with that.  Now, I'm not so sure.  I keep asking myself, "What kind of person does this to their own children on national tv?"  Especially when these things have NEVER been brought to my attention.  No one has ever said they think I dress inappropriately or like to show off my "ta-tas" (which incidentally have been REDUCED!)  Something is not right with someone who thinks this is the correct forum to do this.  They were out to get me from the get-go.  My MIL was even overheard saying "You go Dr Phil.  You tell her!"  throughout the entire show!

In an effort to at least try to compromise, I sent an email to the MIL explaining that if she wanted to see our son, "I respectfully ask that you do it here at our home."  I got no response whatsoever.  It obviously isn't that important to her if she can't have him on her terms.  They have skulked around our house at midnight, hanging Easter gifts for him on our front door, in an effort to avoid seeing me.  Does that sound even remotely normal to you?  I have said before, I feel like it is my duty to protect him from people who are not a good influence, ESPECIALLY since he is adopted. Someone else entrusted to raise their child and raise him right.  If that means I have to protect him from members of his own family, so be it.

No one in the family has approached my husband or myself (probably because they KNOW not to mess with me right  now!) in an effort to talk about this or resolve anything.  It was not OUR idea to do the show in the first place.  On one occasion, the FIL told my husband he would like to sit and talk to him sometime, if he (my husband) was willing.  My husband said he would love to talk to him.  That was March 1st.  My husband has never heard from him again.  So, you see, they say they "try"  but they don't even follow through with their own requests!

I hope you found some of this helpful.  If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.  I will be checking regularly to see what people have to say.

BTW, I haven't even seen the show yet.  It won't be on here for another 5 hours!  Can't wait to see what it looks like on tv!

It was not my attention to create more pain for the family.  I began posting because I was so disappointed to see how much people had to say before the show even aired.  I felt it was incredibly unfair to make judgements, favoring EITHER side, before even watching what went on.

If you notice, I haven't posted in a while.  It appears that a lot of people were frustrated, as nothing seemed to be accomplished.  Not to mention, a lot of people seem to be unclear on what the REAL issues even are.  Many people seem to think that the show was a complete waste of time, and to some extent I have to agree. 

I was attempting to show that there is MUCH more to this story than was, and could ever be, shown in an hour.  It was not an attempt to gather supporters, it was an attempt to help clear some things up.  Every member of this family, those that were on the show and those that were not, have every right to put anything they want on here.  I, and them as well, could go on and on about the things that have gone on, and I'm sure this thread would be long deleted before we could even finish typing.

I have absolutely done some things wrong in this situation, but we all have.  I just didn't feel like this was the correct forum to blast me with things that have NEVER been brought to either my or my husband's attention. 

As for those who continue to post messages about how my husband really does catch hell from me when he gets home, that it is totally incorrect.  I have said it.  He has said it.  We dealt with the same issue over 12 years ago with his parents and thought the issued was cleared up.  My husband is an amazing, loving, INTELLIGENT man, and I find it incredibly insulting to him that so many people, including his own family give him so little credit.  He deserves so much more than that!

Unless anyone asks, I probably will not post anything further on this board, but will continue to check the messages.  I find it enlightening to see what people think, no matter which side, if either, they agree with.

Your post reveals a whole lot more than you may realize! Your children are out of control because YOU are.

It's easy to see that you feel overwhelmed; being a single mom can do that to you....I've been there.

What you need is consistency...you say you've tried this or that....how LONG do you stick to whatever you're trying? Long enough to see results? Or do you just give up because it's hard work to stay focused and determined, and these kids just wear you down? (again, I've been there.) You can't just set down a rule and then stick to it for just a day...or a week...or a month. When you set a rule down, you stay with it.....period! Kids will try you constantly just to see if that rule is still in effect..that's what kids do. Make sure you stay with it....the future of your children depends on strong parenting...and it does NOT have to include spanking! Be more creative; use your brain, not your hand.

I'm in total agreement with you. I wasn't saying that parents who send their kids to their rooms are lazy. I always felt my father did it because he just didn't want us around. Once again I never felt the Love from my father, that is what did the damage, not the punishment. I have been known to send my kids to their room because they are arguing and I want them to separate until they can act in a civilized manner towards each other.

I remember my mom was gone once and my dad was watching us, he told me I couldn't come out of my room until it was clean. I can't remember my age but I was young. When I told him I was finished he would come back and tell me it wasn't good enough. I remember picking up lent off the floor crying because I had no idea what was wrong with my room. My mother came home and asked why was I crying, I told her and she told me to come out of my room. She held me and loved me. Looking back I know he kept me in there because he didn't want to have to deal with me.

My point is I can remember that to this day, but I don't really remember my spankings from my mother. The things that my father did, and there are many more, was far more emotionally damaging than any spankings I got. I felt love from my mother but not from my father. That is what made the difference, not the discipline they chose!      

Kelly, you remind me so much of my sister.  In brief, my sister is my sister and I would do anything for her  because she is my sister, but she sure loves to stir the pot.  She's very good at it too.  Its amazing watching her set someone up and then sitting back and watching the fireworks.  Most of the time you don't realize she is setting you up until the its late.  Of course she comes off as little miss innocent.  Those of us in the family that have seen her in action or been victims of her little games have learned not to give her any ammunition or take the bait.

It took many years for some family members to see this trait in my sister.  Those of us who know what she is really can be like (at times) have learned how to handle the problem without creating any conflict for us or her.  We also know that my sister has a wonderful side to her. 

Here is the problem with your little story here.  You invite your in laws to your son's birthday party.  That's great, it looks like your willing to extend the olive branch here so to speak.  BUT the fact is you set the situation up for their failure by inviting Greg's ex-wife.  You know they have issues with her, she has been a bone of contention in that family, but still you invite her.  So when they want to leave without saying "goodbye" to you or the baby because they are uncomfortable or have issues with the ex-sister-in-law's presence, they're the ones with the problem???? Perfect setup Kelly.  You know how to push their buttons and subtly set things up so they will react in a certain way.

About your relationship with your ex-sister-in-law:  True you can be friends with who you want and there is nothing wrong with being friends with her.  Your MIL may be best friends with her own ex-sister-in law but does that really justify  setting them up by inviting them to your son's birthday party along with their ex-daughter-in-law who they have issues with.

Certainly your in-laws are far from perfect.  They seem to have many issues themselves.  They certainly let you push their buttons and you happily oblige them.  There are many things you do just to antagonize them.  You do those things knowing what their reaction is going to be.  Your in-laws are wrong in the way they react to your "bait".  Your wrong to keep "baiting" them.  You play your in-laws very well Kelly.

Neither side in this conflict is innocent.  Both you and your in-laws are at fault in this situation.  Too bad that there are never no 'winners' in this setup.