Messages By: lovingone

Its very simple. If one person in a relationship is not getting fulfillment for ANY reason while the other partner IGNORES the issue or doesn't try to fix the problem in some way...

AND THAT OTHER PARTER IS (GUESS WHAT) NOT SUFFERING AS THEIR PARTNER IS AND IS AS HAPPY AS A CLAM, THAT IS A PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANY person with self respect that wants a HEALTHY relationship should not stand for that and WALK AWAY!

That goes for a variety of issues....

bad communication

abusive behavior

substance abuse

criminal activity

unwillingness to treat partner as an equal

AND YES, refusing to discuse marriage while the other partner gives ALL marriage type privledges to their partner.

IF I was someone who wanted marriage and had a partner who repeatedly avoided the issue while I cooked, and cleaned, and lived with him...

I SHOULD NO MORE STAY WITH HIM THAN I SHOULD IF HE BEAT ME!

That simply isn't love to refuse to sit down and discuse this or any issue. It isn't even a real relationship.

.... with your man is a good way to show him that you can be a good wife for him, please put a TIME LIMIT on your stay.

Be up front in the begining and say "I will live with you exactly 2 years".  When that time is up, don't waiver, be prepared to move out. And in my opinion it shouldn't be more than 2 years.

If he really wanted a "trial run" you can't say you didn't give him one.  But if he wants a mock wife it won' t and shouldn't happen.

I think that it is so cute that you found happiness with your best friend!  This is a good foundation for a lasting romantic relationship.  Good luck to you!

You should probably either convert to your boyfriends religion or learn enough about it so that you can help teach your children.  And just support your boyfriend in his efforts to teach your children.

I didn't see all of the original show he was on but it doesn't suprise me that this LITTLE man is a chauvenist.

Dr. Phil really need to have the topic of guys with Napoleon Syndrome, short men with overbearing complexes, on the show. 

Its a problem and its annoying!

I don't know if my first message was going to post or not, but I will post it again.

One of my local tv stations plays reruns of the previous weeks Dr. Phil shows, so I had a chance  to see this episode a second time and record it.

It was so obvious that Mary thought she could bring Tony to the show, have Dr. Phil fix him, and he would be clear of his fear and objections and would be ready to commit to a wedding date. You could see the hopefulness in the beginging of the show.

Little did she know that Dr. Phil would say that he shouldn't marry her if he doesn't want to and that she should leave him and quit doing wife duties for him because she has wasted more than 8 years.

The dejection in Mary's face is something that you really have to witness, especially if you are a younger woman who is stuck in the same situation.  There was such a sense of helplessnes, exaustion, and loss of her best years in her face.

Please don't let yourself stay in a situation like that until you are too old to do anything about it.

I wish Mary the best and wish I could see and update where she manages to get married and have a family.

First let me say that I am not implying ANYTHING about your particular relationship and what works for you is your business.

But as far as nomarital long term relationships succeeding is concerned....

Sure it's EASY to happy with your relationship to your significant other when you basically wake up every morning DECIDING whether or not you want to be together!

And if you don't you can just pack you bags and leave in the middle of the night and the other person has no legal right to do anything about it!

A lot of us have "friends" that show up for the "party" and then we can't find them when we really need support.

But how intimate are we with those people?

I was talking on the phone with my cousin the other day and out of the blue she says " So are there wedding bells in your future".  I said "No, not really".  She said "Well we are just going to have to find you someone!"   UGGGH!

The problem with this whole little chit chat?

My cousin is a 44 year old woman with a THREE year old marriage, and a 1 year old child! 

I'm 32.

My cousin has been a bridesmaid so many times she could open a dress shop.  I have only been in a couple of weddings.

Even though my dear cousin FINALLY got married at 41, her more than 20 years as a single adult ended in her marrying a complete idiot! 

He actually acted detached and flat out BORED at her dad's funeral just seven months after the wedding!

So I was taken aback when she took the opportunity to put on the "I'm married, your not!" act because she has little to talk about!

I could have stooped to her level. I could have reminded her that....

She went to purchase a gown at a bridal shop who's patrons MOTHERS were closer to her age than they were.

That she will be nearly 50 when taking her child to school for the first time.

That the last woman the she was a bridesmaid for, when she really didn't need to be a bridesmaid one last time,  didn't return the favor or even come to her wedding!

But I didn't because it is rude and it puts women back into the 19th century where their whole identity is wraped up in being married.

Well I hope she enjoyed pounding me into the ground  while she can because her sham marriage should be over soon anyways and she will be collecting child support along with her social security benefits!

Are you fed up with relatives trying to rub something in your face especially when they really have no place to talk? 

Recently I was talking on the phone with my cousin and out of the blue she asked me  "So are there any wedding bells in your future?". I said "No, not really". She replied "Well, we are just going to have to fine you someone then." 

The problem with this little chit chat?

My cousin is a 44 year old woman with a THREE year old marriage and a 1 year old child.

I'm 32

My cousin has been a bridesmaid so many times that she could open up here own dress shop.

I have only been in a couple of weddings.

And even though my dear cousin FINALLY got married at 41, her more than 20 years as a single adult ended in her marrying a complete idiot!

Her husband actually acted detached and flat out BORED at her dads funeral only 7 months after the wedding!

So I was taken aback when she took the opportunity to put on the "I'm married and you're not!" act because she really has nothing to brag about!

I could have stooped ot her level. I could have reminded her that...

She went to purchase a gown at a bridal shop where the other patrons MOTHERS were closer to her age than they were.

That the last woman she was a bridesmaid for, when she really didn't need to be a bridesmaid one more time, didn't return the favor or even COME to her wedding even though this lady's mother was one of the wedding planners.

That she will be nearl 50 years old when taking her child to school for the first time.

But I didn't because it is rude and it just puts women back into the 19th century where their whole identity was wraped up in being married.

Well I hope she enjoyed pounding me into the ground while she can because that sham marriage of hers isn't healthy and thats probably why she teased me with all the GARBAGE in the first place!

If he is 18 he doesn't even need his dads permission.  I think you should take him in.  Let him pay you a "mock rent" if it helps, just whatever he can afford.

I would also see if you can do something for this boys sibling ( not the step ones) since they are younger.

Maybe try to talk to the dad, if that doesn't work call child services. I you are afraid to do that maybe talk to these peoples neighbors. Ask them if they are aware of whats going on.  Maybe they will be willing to call CS or back you up when you call.

It seems like this dad is having a mid life crisis or something. I mean getting married after 2 months of dating?  Gropping in public?  Treating the spouses kids better?

It all sounds suspicious to me, but a lot of people have mid life crisises and it doesn't result in abusing their children!

Let me just start off by saying that online dating for me has been going ok I guess. I haven't gone out on a date yet but have one current prospect that I exchange emails with and a few other guys that are members of the cite that I have in mind.  I just put my photo up on the site and I HONESTY THINK I WAS DOING BETTER WITHOUT MY PHOTO! :(  I'm not a dog, just a few pound over weight and I am trying to change that, but it's not helping with the online dating.

That being said....

I have a maintenence worker coming over to do work on my house everyday and I think he LIKES me!  I don't know what to do, I don't even know if it is true!  He seems to be looking at me when I'm going aboutmy business at home and he thinks I'm not looking.  This is very confusing on so many levels....

Am I just so desperate that I take any little bit of politeness from a handy man as him being interested in me?

What if he really is interested in me? Should I say yes to a date, or no since he is kind of working for me?

I will admit I wasn't exactly looking for a handy man to date, but am I a snob? Should I feel like a snob because I kind of do?

 Am I just halucinating due to a dating slump? Should I just let it go? Let the guy fix my house ,be done with the job, and never see him again.