Messages By: dgtipton

What happen to you mlee54?

It seems that you have not posted anything in quite awhile. We are just concerned about  you and what to know how you are in your situation. Is things getting better or worse? Would you care to write and give an update. dg

mlee54  -  Where are you? We have not heard anything from you in a long time. Hope that your problems have resolved. How about posting us the update. Good Luck. dg

mlee54, we haven't heard from you in awhile, why haven't you posted something to let us know how you are doing? Well hope that your situation is getting better but I would bet that it isn't. My situation is better, I had a long straight talk with my h and he now knows where I stand. He spoke with his kids about some issues that have been past due to be discussed. They got upset but in the end they knew that he was telling the truth. His ex (their mother) is a horrible person that has used my h and her kids to get whatever she wants and could care less about any of them. My h would love for the kids to confront her about some of these issues and he  (we) have lots of information to prove what he told them about her is the truth. She admitted (in a hand written letter to my h) to having an affair with her brother-in-law, any woman that would do her sister like this is one horrible person in my book. So when I said that my h wasn't over his ex I guess I meant that he still has issues with her over the lies that she told and continues to tell the kids and anyone that will listen to her. I was having some serious issues with her at first (first of our relationship and marriage) but now I know there is nothing to be worried about. So hopefully you can see thru her as I did my h's ex. There is no need to loss sleep over trash like her, this is the way I have come to look at it. Good Luck and let us hear from you soon. dt

 Has anyone seen a post from mlee54 in  a long while?  I have sent posts to her and nevr have gotten any reply back so this make me wonder!!!  I looked at the profile and she lives in the same state as I do but doesn't say much more than that.  If you have  read any posts from her lately let me know please. Thanks a million. dt

 I haven't written in quite a while. I am in need of some advice. We are in the process of moving to another state but at present we are still in two states, first problem. As you will remember this is the second marriage for both us, we have been married less than 2 years now. My children are thrilled that I have found a good man that takes care of me, they like him and have let him know that. Now........he has children also, they do not care for me at all no matter how hard I try it never seems to matter. I have bent over backwards to do everything that I can to make them happy and comfortable when they come to visit us. (All our children are grown and out of their own) He loves his children very much and that is one thing that I found so attractive about him, he is a wonderful family man. His children would love nothing more than to have their parents back together again and they have made that plainly clear. One child talks about his mother every time that we are together, how good she is doing, how good she looks, how happy she is, etc. I am sick and tired of it, period. I have told my husband this time and again and he will agree with me and he tells me that they are dead wrong by doing this and he will tell them, they did get into a big discussion a few weeks ago (I wasn't there) and he told them that he was tired of the way they were treating me and he would not stand for it anymore.
 Well you know the holidays are coming up and they are planning a trip to visit us................I want this to be a special time for my husband so I had just planned to coming back to my other home (another state) during their visit so he could have this time with them alone, he said no way would he have that. I just do not want to ever come between him and his children.
There was a horrible past here if you read any of my past messages you will know. His ex-wife left him for another man (that didn't work out her dumped her) she was horrible to my husband while they were married, two of his children see that and have said that but it doesn't change the fact that they want them back together. They are spoiled and selfish children, something that I am not used to my children were never that way at all. They want the best for me and whatever makes me happy because they know my situation with their father.  His kids they don't care if he is happy or not as long as they get what they want. They miss the family unit, playing games, cards, taking vacations, camping, etc. they did a lot of this type stuff as I said he is a wonderful man, husband and father no one could say any different. His ex-wife (their mother) is a witch, self centered and selfish. She only thinks of herself period. Everyone that knew them has told me this about her and now that I have been around her I see this plain and clear.
My problem is this: the visit at Christmas...........I do not want the same thing to happen that happened before (several times) my husband tries to make them happy and he goes out of his way to do this and I get looked over. I do not want to be center of attraction, no way, never did but I would like to be included. During graduation this year we attended and was shunned so bad by his kids, they sit with their mother and didn't even act like we was there until she & her boyfriend left then they come to talk to us. After the ceremony everyone gathered in the hall for pictures, etc. well this is where the trouble began: I sit on a bench and my husband was up talking with the kids (his & their friends) then they began taking pictures of everyone. I still sit there just watching as if I was a stranger. Then my husband asked one of the friends "would you take a picture of the family" - "just the 4 of us, that is all just me and the kids, just the family". Well how would you feel? My heart just dropped, I thought that I was part of the "family" now that I was married to him. I know that I am not their mother and never ever tried or wanted to be, I just want to be a part of their lives because I am married to their father. I was so hurt and angry at the same time. When we left I let him know that too............he said he didn't mean it to come out that way he just knows how the kids feel and he thought it would be better that way. They kids were thrilled because they got their way, once again!  So I worry about any trip out to see us...........will this same thing happen again? This is my home with my husband and I will not stand for it anymore, not in a home that I am helping to pay for, I will not be disrespected by them period. If he can't or wont stand up for me then I will do it for myself.
If you read any of the other posts you will see I have so many issues over other things that I continue to need advice with also. I feel that he still has some feelings for the ex even though she treated him like crap during their marriage. He loved her so much and he had her go high on a pedestal, she was treated like a queen. Anything she wanted she got, he was always telling her how beautiful she was, how he would never love anyone the way he loves her, he had thousands of pictures of her everywhere when we met. He even had the two notebooks full that I found, remember? So that is why I think he still has some feelings for her even if he tells me he doesn't. I have an ex also and I have NO feelings for him at all except that he is my children's father, period. I don't have the need to talk about him daily or anytime for that matter. So I don't understand his need to discuss her or her treatment of him during their marriage. He said that he hate her more than he thought possible to hate anyone. He can't believe that he was that stupid all those years to not see the truth about her, etc. He tells me that he just want everyone to know the truth about her. So why the need to talk about her daily, please tell me if you can????
Please sent some advice ASAP!
Thanks

My husband had has an ex-wife from _ _ _ _ and we both know it. He was so crazy about her, he was obsessed with her to the point that he had thousands of pics of her when we met. They were married for 22 yrs and she dumped him for another man. He would still be with her today if she had not done that, he said that is untrue but I feel I am right because he did not want the divorce even though he knew that she cheated on him 3 times during the marriage. The problem I have and have had since day one is that he feels the need to talk about her all the time. It is all negative talk and he said that he hated her with ever fiber of his being for the way she did him and his kids. He had a book of her pictures  hidden from me that I happened to find just before we got married, long story, he throw them away and swore to me that he didn't have anything else of her around. Well after the wedding I found a disk with some of the same pics of her plus lots of others pics, all of her. So he lied to me once again where she was concerned. Now less than 2 years after our marriage that he tell me he is happier than he has ever been in his life with me, he adores me so much (his words) (a lot of talk I think). Well last week I discovered that he had been going online and looking at soft porn sites and tried to hide that from me but I found out by mistake that he had been there. I confronted him last night and he said that he just went to those sites to look at that was while I was out of town, not here with him. They did not mean anything to him he was just looking! Well I have major issues with that - if he is so happy with me and our marriage and since we have been married for less than 2 years why would he even want to look at anyone else if he was so happy with me and I satisfied him? WHY would this happen? PLEASE someone help me to understand this!!

I feel that he still has strong feelings for his ex and he is trying to make up for what he had to throw away (the book of pictures of her) by going to these sites. He loves sexy teddies but never seems to care a lot when I have them on, kind of take it or leave it deal. But man did he ever love looking at her with them on and he had the pics to prove it. I am at the end of my rope dealing with this mess. I don't look anything like his ex or the women at these sites that he has been to and I think that is the problem. I feel that I am not what he wants or need and he had to just settle for me because he hated being alone. We are in our early 50's so we are not kids by no means. I am just having major issues now with all this and need someone to talk with.

He tries to tell me that I am dead wrong with what I am thinking but I don't think so, I think that I am right. He said that he hates her and that I am the best thing that ever happened to him and he don't know what would have happen to him if I had not come into his life. He tells me all the time that he wishes that he had met me 25 or 30 years ago. He tell me that he loves me about 20 times a day and he does treat me as if he loves me that is true. It is just his actions and I do not know how to handle this any longer.

Yes I sure have and for a little while he didn't talk so much about her but over time it has gotten back to where it was so now I just try to ignore it the best I can but it is about to get the best of me. I am about ready to go back to my old home and wait it out.

I just don't know, I thought that things was getting better, maybe it is just me. Sometimes I think so and other times I know it isn't all me.

Thanks for listening and sending me advice.

My husband had has an ex-wife from _ _ _ _ and we both know it. He was so crazy about her, he was obsessed with her to the point that he had thousands of pics of her when we met. They were married for 22 yrs and she dumped him for another man. He would still be with her today if she had not done that, he said that is untrue but I feel I am right because he did not want the divorce even though he knew that she cheated on him 3 times during the marriage. The problem I have and have had since day one is that he feels the need to talk about her all the time. It is all negative talk and he said that he hated her with ever fiber of his being for the way she did him and his kids. He had a book of her pictures  hidden from me that I happened to find just before we got married, long story, he throw them away and swore to me that he didn't have anything else of her around. Well after the wedding I found a disk with some of the same pics of her plus lots of others pics, all of her. So he lied to me once again where she was concerned. Now less than 2 years after our marriage that he tell me he is happier than he has ever been in his life with me, he adores me so much (his words) (a lot of talk I think). Well last week I discovered that he had been going online and looking at soft porn sites and tried to hide that from me but I found out by mistake that he had been there. I confronted him last night and he said that he just went to those sites to look at that was while I was out of town, not here with him. They did not mean anything to him he was just looking! Well I have major issues with that - if he is so happy with me and our marriage and since we have been married for less than 2 years why would he even want to look at anyone else if he was so happy with me and I satisfied him? WHY would this happen? PLEASE someone help me to understand this!!

I feel that he still has strong feelings for his ex and he is trying to make up for what he had to throw away (the book of pictures of her) by going to these sites. He loves sexy teddies but never seems to care a lot when I have them on, kind of take it or leave it deal. But man did he ever love looking at her with them on and he had the pics to prove it. I am at the end of my rope dealing with this mess. I don't look anything like his ex or the women at these sites that he has been to and I think that is the problem. I feel that I am not what he wants or need and he had to just settle for me because he hated being alone. We are in our early 50's so we are not kids by no means. I am just having major issues now with all this and need someone to talk with.

He tries to tell me that I am dead wrong with what I am thinking but I don't think so, I think that I am right. He said that he hates her and that I am the best thing that ever happened to him and he don't know what would have happen to him if I had not come into his life. He tells me all the time that he wishes that he had met me 25 or 30 years ago. He tell me that he loves me about 20 times a day and he does treat me as if he loves me that is true. It is just his actions and I do not know how to handle this any longer.

Yes I did. I went back to my home in the other state for several weeks just so he would be able to figure out what he wanted. We missed each other horribly and he swore to me that he had changed and as I stated when I came back he everything was fine for awhile but it didn't take long to get back to the same old thing.