Messages By: proud_mom1

Oh My Nerves! 

I'm having a "privacy" issue with my 17yr old son.  He thinks that on absolutely no uncertain terms should "I" be allowed to enter his room! 

He is literally driving me crazy! 

He was away for the weekend with his friends and I had a good reason to go in his room. 

My 10yr old was feeling rather nausated and I had given my 17yr old a Gravol to take with him on a Youth Convention last weekend. (he always gets car sick and the drive was 3.5 hours). 

I told him I looked in his shaving kit for the lonely Gravol I had given him last week, because he said he may or may not need to take it.  His little brother needed one to help him feel better, so I felt this was a good reason to go in his room. 

I literally "FLIPPED" out! (after he accused me of snooping in his room!) 

When I was a teenager, which wasn't that long ago, lol, I had absolutely no problem with my mother going in my room and borrowing something or cleaning my room. 

"Will someone please tell me how I'm supposed to clean that boys room, if I'm not allowed to enter his room???" 

I told him he has a serious problem. I told him I absolutely trust him (he hasn't given me any reason not to thus far). 

I  feel quite confident in saying that he has privacy, but not "secrecy". I told him this is my house and he has to abide by my rules. I will enter his room whenever I feel like it. (well, of course not when he's dressing, etc.) 

I also told him that if he has anything to hide, or something that he doesn't want me to see or know about, leave it outside the house or bury it where I won't find it. 

I don't go in his room with the intent to "snoop". But if I should happen to find something that's "not supposed to be there", then that's his problem and then we will deal with it. 

I just don't understand someone being so upset if their mother (whom I must say gives him the privacy he needs, respects, understands, helps, listens, gives him money, drives him places, loves him, protects him, encourages him, cleans up after him, nurses him, feeds hime, etc., etc., etc.) enters his room. 

Actually, I think it's a control problem.  I think he'd like to control his mother. 

I tell him that when he's out of our house, then he can do whatever he wants...have piercings, tattoos, no rules, PRIVACY. 

He told me I wasn't normal...ok, maybe I'm not....I'm just a parent who just absolutely loves her children and wants nothing but the best for them and will protect them no matter what. 

Dr. Phil came up in the conversation and he told me that no one in the world would think like I do. 

Sorry I wrote a book, but I needed to vent, so I came here...and now I expect to get lots of criticism....and also lots of good adivce. 

I'm npt quite sure what to do about this, if anything.  My husband and I have been married for

2 1/2 years.  His x-wife lives in anohter state with their 3 children.  Recently the oldest boy broke the law and had to go to court.  My husband drove to 4 hours to another state to be there for his son.  Subsequently he's been back and this last time he fell asleep on the couch.  He told me that he was tired and needed some sleep.  He's going back again because of another court date and is planning to stay all night go to court the next day and then return home.

I have voiced my anger with him for making the choice to sleep there " Handle your business then get on down the road" and I have asked him not to sleep there because its not right.  I've asked to accompany him on the trip, but he doesn't want to hurt her.  He said to me  " How would you feel if you were in her place?"  It would seem to me that his son could use all the support he could get.

He continues to ignore how I feel and I don't know what to do about it.