Messages By: fl4012

Quote From: gallen

I wasn't sure how to react to your post when I read it the other day. You lay out a very detailed analysis and description of what goes on behind the scenes of filming and preparing something for television or cinema. I could only think of two reasons for doing so. 

  

Do you honestly believe that your explanation of Hollywood was a shocking surprise to me, or that you were providing the missing pieces of reality that I have been unknowingly looking for? I hate to disappoint you. Star Trek is science fiction, Desperate Housewives is a very fun prime-time soap opera that airs Sunday nights, and 24, with my man Jack Bauer, is a slightly exaggerated re-enactment of real life events, and Grissom doesn't really get the DNA results back from the lab in time to solve the case before the credits role. 

  

The other possibility is that you were taking a sarcastic jab at me, trying to do so with a little flair by trying to talk down at me. My ideas are not original; they come from hearing what other REAL LIFE people have told me about their relationships and division of household labor. It might really rock your world to learn that one of these people is my wife Kelly. After the show aired in October, a number of people shared with me that they were facing similar differences in their marriages. Some people are ok with settling for just living with it; the strife, increasing arguing and hurt feelings, but I wanted to do something about it. Taking all this to Dr. Phil was a choice I made, infrequently questioned, but haven't regretted. Let me go on a tangent for just a minute, but I think the crisis of society is partly due to the absence of the personal accountability and responsibility. In the parenting and family magazines that I read, the era of the 1950's is frequently used as a comparison to the domestic 'health' of families today. In a way, I am suggesting that if something worked then it should be used today. Technology doesn't fall into this category; I'm an engineer. Having Mom at home when the kids came home from school kept them out of trouble, doing their homework and keeping an eye on who they were associating with. Crime statistics, teen pregnancies, drop-out rates, gang violence, drug usage by teens, etc..., are indicators to me that more of the same 'laid-back or hands-free parenting' is only going to get us into more trouble. We had a hospital in town shut down a few years ago because people were not paying their bills for treatment they had received. There is another hospital up the street facing similar problems. So, where am I headed with this - let me tell you. Kids learn from their parents, and parents that do not accept their responsibilities will probably raise kids that simply rely on the government systems to further their own existence. I lived in Springfield, Mass. for several months where I witnessed generations of welfare dependant families living in government subsidized housing. I made a list of what I wife ought to be familiar with, because I thought those things were important. I have a similar list of things for husbands. Problems occur when fathers, mothers, wives and husbands aren't held accountable for their responsibilities. I don't think keeping a clean house, tending to kids, mending what needs to be mended, cooking dinner and having it ready for the family to sit down for together are wildly outside the realm of the expected. Frankly, I am a little concerned by your apparent thinking that it is unreasonable to expect these things.  

  

  

I provided Dr Phil a list of things that I thought a stay at home wife ought to be familiar with. I never discussed perfection or any degree of competency with these listed items - they were just general knowledge. There are libraries of books written to contain the stuff women think their male counterparts ought to know about themselves. From your post it sounds like 75 is too much for you to handle on your own and would need back up to get the rest done - what is your number? What do you feel responsible for being aware of in your role in you present relationship? Lists aren't inherently evil or bad - it is one way of putting information down so it can be shared and discussed. 

Quote From: gallen

There is a theory that exists in the civic government and law enforcement circles that is referred to as Broken Windows. To paraphrase it, a house with broken windows shows that no one cares. If neglected long enough, the house with broken windows will be assumed to be abandoned, invaded by mischief seekers (or worse) and rapidly decay from there. My interpretation of this theory is that attention to details is very important. Not every kid that witnesses his mother neglecting her home will become a drug pusher or a pimp on the south side of town. I think you really extended yourself making that kind of conclusion. But, what does it teach a kid about grooming and personal cleanliness when he or she grows up in a house kept in disarray. Children benefit from routines in their lives - go look it up in a book.

Quote From: my_2angels

And like I said- some mothers are willing to take that risk with their children. I'm not. *Shrug* What more can I say? All I was attempting to do was educate women and mothers to the other side of rushing their babies onto solid foods. Because there is another side to it- one that can have lifelong negative effects.

Quote From: molondafac

My name is Gerald Anderson, I have 2 sons Alex 14, and Daniel 16. My wife and I have tried to raise our kids the Christian way. Recently Daniel has become friends with the son of one of my ex-girlfriends in college. The boy, Mark, is a tattooed and pierced juvenile delinquent. We allowed Daniel to experiment with exstacy, and then he wanted to use heroin, but we could not let him do so. He ran away about 3 weeks ago and returned shortly after bruised up. He claimed he got into a fist fight with a young boy at school but he had skipped that day so i think perhaps he was trying to do drugs. Anyways what can I do to keep Daniel on user-friendly drugs like exstacy and provide Alex with a good role model?

Quote From: zakksmomm

I don't understand how nieve some  people can be when it comes to drugs. Ecstacy is an illegal drug. Some even call it the date-rape drug cause it is tasteless, colorless, odorless. It puts the victim out.  

  

Not only that, the child will probably never obtain a job because he cannot even pass a drug test. Believe me, nowadays, most places test for drugs. 

Quote From: davejfk

I don't understand why women have to constantly prove to men that their job as a stay at home mom is a hundred times tougher than any job that a man could have.  Women have absolutely no appreciation for anything that a man has to do.  Little things like put a roof over your head.  Put food on the table.  Electricity, water.  Y'know.  Little stuff.  I'd love to see a woman camp where women go to a construction site for 8 hours a day in the 100 degree heat and hammer nails and tar roofs 5 days a week.  Or better yet.  Skip the woman camp and when a husband comes home at the end of the day, say thanks for working hard for the family.  Women need compliments for doing even the smallest thing.  Men get no gratitude for doing anything.