Quote From: pennynicolI feel I need to put my thoughts out on this subject, as so many people are quick to call Polyamory just another form of cheating. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Polyamory is best described as a belief system. I believe that it is possible to have ethical, open, nonmonogamous relationships with more than one person.
I also feel that most people who have been in a relationship where their partner felt the need to see someone else would agree that it was done in secret. In true polyamorous relationships, there are immense amounts of communication, discussion and caring for all people involved.
It is often said that there are as many ways to do poly as there are people. I know groups who practice polyfidelity where both the man and the woman have other partners; I am friends with a triad of a man and two women who are raising 2 children. One of my partners has a sister that is in a male/female/female triad. They have been together for 10 years and currently raising 3 1/2 yr old twins. I myself have been poly for as long as I can remember. I have been practicing poly for the last 6 years and am involved with 3 men, one of which I live with and will handfast with this Spring. We attend family dinners every week with other members of our tribe, and will be taking a trip this weekend with one of my lovers and two more of his loves. I can think of no better way to improve the world than to be open to love and affection in all its forms.
I would never tell someone that monogamy is wrong. Why do people feel that they can tell me MY relationship structure is wrong, just because it doesn't work for them? Poly is NOT for everyone, and neither is monogamy. Poly is also NOT about sex, which is what people tend to get hung up on. Our country has some very warped ideals about sexuality and being sexual. Because of this, everything seems to be brought down to how often you sleep with someone. Polyamorus relationships are so much more, dealing with deep, loving, caring emotions.
In reading the description of the show, I can see how this man's wife would feel betrayed and not trust him. If it was me, I would feel the same way. If he truly wants to explore poly and find out whether it is right for him and his wife, he needs to start at the begining, not in the middle with trust and security issues. This is a classic example of how NOT to do poly. Things done in secret are wrong, no matter what the "excuse".
Well, call me old-fashioned, but that's just too weird for me. And in response to your comment that poly is not about sex, if it were only about caring and friendship, there would be no controversy about it.
