Messages By: oldhippie19

Michael - you are an intelligent person but like you say, out of control.  I was married to a man who had the same rage as you show.  My kids and I never knew when he was going to blow up - we walked on eggs every day.  He made our lives pretty miserable.  He didn't use foul language but he was loud, he scared our kids when they were little with his booming voice.  He took the joy out of so much of my life from playing cards or games - he always had to win; he complained about spending money at holidays, going to a movie - he'd complain about the cost of popcorn. I dreaded having him go with me anywhere, I just wanted to enjoy myself.   

He passed away very suddenly 9 years ago.  My kids are all grown and in their 30's but they are still dealing with issues that weren't resolved when he was alive.  We all loved my husband/their father but we didn't like him very much.  A friend of his asked me why I stayed in such an abusive marriage.  I told him if it bothered  him so much, maybe he ought to tell my husband how he was behaving because it didn't do me any good to say anything.  My husband had a way of making everything someone else's fault, usually me or the kids.  I threatened to leave him 6 months before he died - that opened his eyes and he did start to change.  I felt so much anger after he died because after almost 30 years of marriage, he was finally being nice to me and I felt cheated that we didn't have a chance to enjoy each other and appreciate each other more.   

My daughter recently asked me about my favorite Christmas.  I told her about several and asked her what was her favorite. She replied "I don't have any, dad (my husband) took the fun out of everything".   How sad that was to hear.   

Please Michael, change your ways and appreciate and love your family. If you were to die tomorrow, all these unresolved issues will eat at your wife and children as they have my family.  They will wonder how it could have been if you made the effort.  Please, please make the effort and make their life worth living. 

Possibly the question to ask.........the question that would cause folks to seek answers........should be .......NOT ........WHY DID YOU THE WOMAN STAY THERE WITH YOUR CHILDREN?..........the question to ask ............SHOULD ONLY BE........... 

WHY DO MEN, ABUSE, TERRORIZE AND MISTREAT THEIR WIFE, THEIR PARTNER, AND THEIR CHILDREN. 

Put the blame where it should be. 

Then and only then will ABUSE AND VIOLENCE TOWARD WOMEN AND CHILDREN STOP. 

Dear Friend, 

    First of all don't blame God.  Things happen that we will never understand until God bursts thru the clouds. I have a couple of questions to ask Him myself.  But first let me tell you had a wonderful brother!!! How many people would chance sacrificing his life to save three people or even one?  Keep that in mind.  Second, God did give us Life but he did not say he was going to keep every danger away.  We are not in charge of anything, except ourselves and sometimes not even that,  We all have free will and sometimes our choices or other people's choices can cause traumatic things to happen.  I am sure the people in front of your brother without thinking in a harmful way were walking in the pathway without realizing a car could come.  Maybe they should have, but we all have not been totally on track at times in our minds, without realizing what it could cause fatally to others.  Maybe your brother, instead of some other person was meant to be in the car.  Maybe Providence or something decided these lives would be spared.  Who knows?  But when you grief  

lessens you must know deep down, God did not decide "I guess I will kill this man today!"  God loves each one of us.  If we pondered from now till death we couldn't figure what should be, what.  If we try to, we will grow bitter and more confused.  I had three of my kids die.  If you know the pain of  

losing a brother, you can imagine what I feel, even now.  I am promised in the Bible, I will see my  

beloved kids on the other side, so I am waiting.  My 7 year old daughter, was kidnapped, raped and  

stabbed to death.  Do you know how many times I see stories real and fiction on TV and books  

about the same thing.  You aren't allowed to forget it.   My 2nd and last daughter, was hit by a hit and  

run drive who couldn't wait for the light to change and raced in front of the first car who stopped to go  

across the intersection and put my daughter in the hospital, in a coma for a month, and then she  

died.  My oldest son died of a heart attack, like his Father at 37.  It ain't easy, my friend.  But do you  

really want to exchange your life for someone else?   I know you wouldn't want to exchange yours  

for mine. And I don't  say  "Why me?"  because '"Why not me?"  Stuff happens!!  I say " stuff" but that  

is not the real word. ("Stuff" happens and then you die!"  A joke, that is not funny. I read about  

horrendous things happening to other people, I KNOW I couldn't deal with.  So I try to deal with what  

is dished out to me.  AND trust me I AM NOT A SUPER STRONG WOMAN, by a long shot.  I am a  

normal real human being, a cry baby really and if tantrums could have stopped anything I would  

have had a major one, worse then a two year old.  We can't stop life and we can't be blaming God,  

because, Doll, we need Him.  He is the man (or woman - smile) at the very top.  He can make the  

worst thing bring some good, and He can help us deal with all this horror when no one else can.   He didn't want puppets, so we deal with all this One Step at a time.  That is all we can do, take it one  

day or minute at a time.  Would your Brother want to see you suffering and so angry?  Suppose he's watching you?  Intense continual grieving should not be done to show everyone how deep your love for him is and was.   Give yourself time and then do what would make him proud and happy for you.  Be strong and a comfort for his family, his kids.  You can't help them if you stay angry and down.  You were blessed with the years he was with you  46 years!  I wish I had 46 with my husband, my son, and my beautiful daughters.  Try to think of all the times you had together, and savor the love and fun you had.  Everyone is going, even you and I.  Believe it!  You have great memories, a wonderful brother and forty-six years!!!   Get back on track, be good to yourself and make your brother as proud of you as you must be of  him.  Okay?     Here's hug........Mmm.  Take care, friend,  Sincerely,   Lee 

Dr. Phil....I wish that my brother could have been on the show today!  He is such a big moocher.  He is 34, divorced, on drugs and still living at home.  My family would never want to come on the show although I have often thought about calling in myself.  I just get so upset with him sometimes because he takes all of my parents money and he doesn't hold a job.  Everything you said today is so true about love is letting them move to the next stage in life.  And my parents think they are loving him, but they are only hurting him!!! 

                                                                                      -Truly Concerned