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Messages By: debibehnke

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April 26, 2008, 12:51 pm CDT

my daughter does not speak to me either

My daughter was having trouble with her husband because of his cocaine and steroid use. we both tried talking to him and he got mad. i even offered to pay for rehab. since that conversation my daughter has stopped talking to me and refuses to let me see my grand-daughter. i am so extremely hurt, because i stood by her for years while we went through court when her father sexually abused her and her sister. she will not tell me what is going on and i had to hire security at my wedding because her husband (who is a ex-policeman and a professional bodybuilder) said he was going to show up and ruin our wedding.
 
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May 3, 2008, 11:42 am CDT

You always put your children first!

Quote From: ptcruiser8

There's a lot of background I'll skip, but basically; I have been married for 15 years and have 2 daughters with him, ages 16 and 14. I also have 3 step children, ages 20, 19 and 18. My husband cheated on me in the past, and also has been on the internet looking to hook up with someone several times, the last of which was 4 months ago. (my girls saw all this on the computer, so they are mad at him, and they have wanted me to leave him for 5 years now) He is controlling, the girls are miserable with him, but with me he is very nice, as long as i'm doing what he wants.
Here's my problem; I told my girls that we would move out, since he had slapped them both in the face and cursed at them repeatedly. At the same time, my husband wants us all to move back to CA where we are from (we are in Ohio now for the stepkids) I told them all yes; so my husband thinks everything is ok and we are moving, and my kids think we are staying (and leaving him) so they can finish high school here and I can finish my degree here (i have 2 semesters left, it has taken me a long time to get this far!)
I can't make a decision. I don't want to lose the trust of my daughters and hurt them, but I also don't want to be alone (even though he is a pain a lot of the time) I am so confused, any advice out there???

There is never a time you can justify a parent, whether a step or biological abusing your children. This will only escalate and a change of local never makes anything better. In the end your children will resent you for not being there for them.

Also by allow the abuse ( and don't kid yourself, that is what it is) you are raising children who will think abuse is a normal part of a relationship. Do you want that for them?

And you are not alone, you will have children who respect you. Not a husband who doesn't respect you, your children or your marriage.

These are the words of someone who has been there.

You deserve the peace of mind that will eventually come.

 
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May 31, 2008, 9:40 am CDT

Something is wrong with you

Quote From: dylantown

MAYBE IT WAS SOMETHING SHE WAS NOT DOING..ARE YOU NUTS SAYING THAT..THAT IS NOT AN INVITE TO AN AFFAIR BECAUSE IS NOT DOING SOMETHING..TAKE THE TIME INVESTED IN THE AFFAIR AND PUT IT TOWARDS YOUR MARRIAGE...
Yes, it does take two to have an affair, but when the other person is persistant and willing to do anything to obtain her goal, even the most stodic will eventually crumble. And to even suggest that the other person in the marriage lacks something to keep her mate from straying can only be marked up to your ignorance and immaturity. And it does look like you were the "other woman" on more then one occasion.
 

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