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Messages By: pattic

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December 28, 2005, 1:59 pm CST

wifestyles

  Even though I clicked on sad on the Emote, I am actually disguested at Grant.  If he had all of these expectations of her as a wife, he should have "interviewed" her before he married her and told her of them.  I have always thought that people should fall in love and marry for what's on the inside, not the outside.  To me, he has NO RESPECT for his wife whatsoever.  My husband tried the same thing with me (to a lesser extent) and found out it wasn't going to work.  He either loves me for who I am, or to put it bluntly, "there's the door".   I explained  to him that I married HIM INSPITE OF HIS FAULTS, and he should overlook mine as well.   When we were first married, I did keep myself up better, I wore make-up and "sexy clothes" for him, and back then he always acted jealous.  Now (of course it's 20 years later) I have become Pentecostal (no make-up, wear long dresses and no pants) and so forth.  He has come to terms with my way of dressing, and finally realized that the more he complains, the less I do.  Our relationship has gotten better because of this.  The LESS he complains, the MORE I do.  Grant, I have one thing to say to you.  Love your wife for Who She Is.  Don't live in a Fairytale Land of Marriage and you will be a lot happier.  By the way, my husband and I have NO Children and so I admire any woman who can be a WIFE AND MOTHER as it seems like it would be like Two Full-Time Jobs.  Even you couldn't keep up with your expectations at that rate. 

  

P Creek 

  

 
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February 13, 2006, 9:56 pm CST

Run the other way!

  It sounds to me like they are both "SPOILED BRATS"!  II unnderstand about wanting it to be special, but SPECIAL IS NOT SPELLED M-O-N-E-Y!  Anyone who feels that way has a sad outlook on life.  Mom, I think you should have some say as opinions go, but it is her day.  Just make sure she knows any money spent above the limited budget comes out of her and her betrothed's pockets.  If she goes to daddy and he gives in to her,  that would be world war III between he and I and make sure HE KNOWS IT.  As far as the "perfectionist"  if I were her betrothed, I would have run the other way long ago if she does him this way regularly, because after we get a ring on our finger and that piece of  paper, it 's harder to undo not to mention expensive and I  always thought love is accepting people for who they are, and what they think without trying to change them.   I wish you all the luck and God's Blessings you can get.  You'll need it.  I know this was harsh, but also remember that this was just looking from a superficial point of view since I don't know y'all.
 
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April 21, 2006, 2:45 pm CDT

cocoon

  First of all let me say I am a 52 year old woman who has never been able to have children, but I Have been through what this man is going to put his child through.  He is going to scar this child for life.  I grew up with VERY LOW SELF ESTEEM and have never gotten over it.  It has affected every aspect of my life past and present.    I have heard of "egotistical" before but He takes the cake!  If he isn't ready to be a father, then he shouldn't have "played  the game".  The ONLY Certain thing when 2 people are having sex is that God is in control. Everything happens for a reason.   I have seen where a man wears a condom, the woman is on birth control pills and she still gets pregnant.  As we tell "KIDS" all of the time, abstinance is the only sure way of not getting pregnant.  Doctors don't know everything.  If God wants you to get pregnant, then you will get pregnant.  Mister, grow up and realize  if you're gonna play, you're gonna pay.  I also think that the reason You didn't want to hold the baby or see it is because you know you would not be able to hold to your convictions about not wanting to be a father.  There is just something about looking into a baby's eyes and holding it that can melt any NEGATIVE feelings ( and that is what you're having).  You are going to regret these actions you're taking and feelings you're forcing on yourself in the future, I guarantee it.  I hope when that child grows up and finds you,  that you will be more of a man than you are being right now.  I also hope that the mother is completely honest with the child about you at some point.  The position which you are putting her in is really sad and doesn't say much for your character.  In the next few years, this child will start asking her questions about it's daddy and to keep this child from having a load of emotional problems, she will probably have to lie to it until it gets old enough to understand what a "Jerk" you are and be able to shake the negative feelings off.   

  

Message from experience 

 
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April 21, 2006, 2:58 pm CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: sharon69

I am a female but I think that Matt is correct. She lied about getting pregnant and he should not have to support this kid.
Just because she got pregnant does not necessarily mean she lied.  Doctors mess up all the time.  I was also told I could not get pregnant, but did.   I ended up miscarrying and never got pregnant again, but the fact still remains that the Doctors told me I could not get pregnant and I did.  I understand why Matt feels the way he does, but at the same time if he was really that worried about being a father, He should have taken precautions also.  That would have been the responsible thing to do.  Needless to say, I agree with Dr. Phil.  He gave up His rights when he didn't use a condom.  Where do men get off thinking that it should be left up to the women to do all of the "responsible" thinking and actions?  If they want it to be one sided then there should only be one person involved in the actions.
 
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July 25, 2006, 7:56 pm CDT

Plastic People

Quote From: cas808

Didn't you hear Dr. Phil explain that she may have a condition that prevents her from losing weight?  Until a medical condition is ruled out, who are we to judge how or why she has not been able to lose the weight she obviously wants to lose?

 I can sympathize with Christy ( I think that was her name).  Anyway, I have a husband that does me almost the same way.  The only difference is I'm 52 years old and have back problems so I can't exercise too much.  I was 112 pounds when he married me (20 Years ago) and he thinks I should still look the same although he's 59 and has aged the same as I have.  I have yet to understand why men put such a value on their wive's looks, just so if she loses a lot of weight, or gets plastic surgery, or does anything like that they'll constantly be worried and jealous.  I always try and joke past the hurt when my husband talks about how fat and old I look by saying that at least he doesn't have to worry about anyone sweeping me off my feet away from him.  I had to wait until tonight to write this after seeing the show this afternoon because I was crying with her.  How can men be so hurtful?  I mean it seems like they emotionless.  How can they hear themselve's saying these mean things and not realize the damage they are doing to our self-esteem?  The excuse my husband uses is " I'm just trying to help you.  I don't want you to have a heart attack from lack of exercise".  I'm costantly tellling him that his constant badgering doesn't help.  Oops!  I didn't mean to get on my soap box!  Sorry..  As far as Gina is concerned,  she better be careful, she might end up looking like Michael Jackson, or Joan Rivers.  Lately I have seen a lot of celebrities who have gotten plastic surgery, and they look ridiculous.  Natural is the way to go.  Your mom is no excuse.  My mom died when she was 43 and she was a very pretty woman.  You can't make time stand still, it will catch up with you one way or the other.  If God had intended for you to look young all your life, he would not have made us to grow old looking.   Gina, your fiance' loves you the way you are.  Love and respect his judgement.  I wish mine would.   

  

SIncerely,  Patti 

 
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July 25, 2006, 8:06 pm CDT

Plastic People

 I just wrote in a couple of minutes ago, but had just one more thing to add about Gina.  As far as her wanting to look like J Lo, or other celebrities,  she needs to remember that They Are Rich and can afford all those surgeries.  Why be so shallow?  I would want to think someone cares for me because of what's inside not what I look like.  Especially if it doesn't affect my health.  To me, that's along the same line as when a rich person wonders "do they like me for who I am or my money?" 

  

Thanks for the add-on 

  

Patti 

 
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August 2, 2006, 10:52 pm CDT

I Love Myself

Hey Shannon,  my mom died when I was 13 and my step-mother TRIED to step right in her shoes.  Needless to say There was definitely rebellion on my part.  Even if you may have some type of disorder,  that still DOES NOT give your parents ESPECIALLY your DAD a pass.  Anyone that would agree with his NEW wife to send his own daughter away and lie to her as well, is a pretty sorry father in my book.  Put it this way.  my dad used to be drunk all the time, and beat my head against a concrete floor, but at least I knew what was coming.  I would rather go through what I went through anyday than being deceived by my own father.  I'm not giving you a pass either.  Bad negative attitudes never make anything better, just worse.  I tried talking to my dad the way you do and thats when I got beat up, so I really was asking for what I got because No Child should talk that way to their parents (step or not).  Anyway, what all this boils down to is I would go to counseling and try to work things out, although Hillary sounded like she wasn't gonna try.  At least if you try counseling (and work at it)  you'll be the better person.  If it doesn't work out or get any better, then I would move out.   I don't remember how old you are, but if you're not old enough to be on your own even Child Protective Services would be better than staying somewhere that you are clearly not wanted.  It sounds to me like dad is trying to make Hillary happy at any expense and your sister is "sucking up" to stay on their good side.  Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset.  Oh well, I better get off my soap box.  Remember first and foremost, do your best to work things out in counseling.  I remember how cheated I felt when my mom passed away and I was tacky to everyone also.  (Not quite as verbally rough as you though).  Even if you may not have gotten along with your mom, it's still a shock to lose her, and really tacky for Hillary to move in "her space".  Your dad should have been more sensitive to your needs as a father.

 

SIncerely,

 

PattiC

 
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November 3, 2006, 5:54 pm CST

Cheated On

Quote From: sadandconfused

I've been married over 14 years.  About 8 1/2 yrs ago I suspected my husband was cheating (working late, coming home stinking of perfume and cigarettes etc).  He denied it profusely and said "only in your sick twisted mind would I cheat on you".  Our intimate life suffered for only an month or two and then all was well.  As time went on things got better and better.  Our kids got older and we had more time together etc.  I forgot all about suspecting him.  Then about 2 months ago I picked up our home phone and heard a message she left him (He was listening to his work msgs from upstairs - I had no idea).  That night he fessed up.  He had had a 5 year sexual affair with a co-worker.  then he told her he was turning his life to god and couldn't commit adultery any more.  However, they continued to have an emotional affair for the next 3 /12 years.  Seeing each other on lunch breaks, making out in their cars, saying they loved each other etc. Right before I found out they had decided to not see each other at all but were having a hard time with this (Hence the phone call).  I was blown away.  Things have been especially good  between us.  None of our friends even had a clue this was going on.

 

Well, I've forgiven him for the affair.  It's over and done with.  HOWEVER, He still thinks it would be okay to be there for her if she needed him (for an emergency, sickness or death in the family)>  I told him no way.  he's had me on an emotional roller coaster for 2+ months.  First, he told me he loved her, wants the two of us, wants to be free and single, wants me but will always be there for her.  We're at the point where he says he wants to be with me and stay married but can't see why he couldn't be there for her if she had a tragedy in her life.  I said no because this could lead right back to an affair and it would be too painful for me to know he was there comforting her. 

 

He's finally agreed to never under any circumstances have any contact with her.  How can I learn to trust him again??  My only comfort is that they broke this off before I found out, although he still seems stuck on her.  They still work together but with almost no contact at all.  I'm still feeling sad.  All my dreams for our future seem lost.  Im afraid he'll see her  anyway.  He tells me he loves me all the time.  He's said he was sorry but he just wants to forget it ever happened and I can't .  I don't question him about it but I still think about what he did.  I don't yell at him or call him names or anything.  I just wish he'd do something to make me feel special again.  To let me know he's no longer taking me for granted.  I made it very easy for him to cheat.  I trusted him and believed him.  I never called to check up on him.  Now that's all I want to do and I have to stop myself.  I've always had complete faith in him and now it's gone.  What do I do to feel whole again. 8 1/2 years is a long time to lie to someone and lead a double life.  I want to feel happy again. 

Just a thought...could the reason he doesn't want to "get help", or be intimate be because he is afraid he has contracted an STD while with the other women?  My EX-husband was military and stationed in Korea for a year.  When he came back I ended up with an STD, and didn't know it for a very long time.  Maybe he's afraid to find out, if he's been with several women.  Even so, I don't think I could stay with him .  Once you lose the trust in a person, the relationship is NEVER the same, and by him not wanting to move forward, get help and "be a husband" to you,  it's CLEAR what he wants.  He wants his cake and wants to eat it too.  You deserve better.
 
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December 6, 2006, 9:48 pm CST

Teacher Troubles

Quote From: springy57

Like smoking and drinking is a GOOD THING? A lot of adults have impaired judgement then...and no wonder the kids do...they see their parents and other adults...role models, if you will... doing it.

 

Not so long ago, like in my grandmother's generation, young women and men got married as young as 14...and at the time, they were ready for that...and sometimes it was expected.

 Truthfully, I think Terika is getting a raw deal.  I do think the kids should be punished for passing the Video around.  I had to laugh when the  "teachers" were talking about being held to a higher standard.  Look at all of the child molestation charges flying around.  Not to mention I'd be willing to bet that a good percentage of the teachers maybe even those on the show have some type of skeletons in their closets that they would like to stay hidden.  The same goes for a lot of parents.  Maybe not to that extent, but  the only perfect human being I've ever known is Jesus Christ, and He died so our sins could be forgiven.  It saddens me to see what hypocrites we as humans can be.  It kind of reminds me of the parable about the master forgiving the slave his debt, and the slave not forgiving the debt of the man who owed him.  The slave ended up in prison because of his hypocrisy.  I worry more for Terika's safety now that the video is out because high school boys can be so cruel and hormonal.

 

Why do people always have to see the negative side of things?  She turned her life around!  That should be the message to kids.  Not the negative side.

 

 

 

 
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December 11, 2006, 7:02 pm CST

Let-Down Daddy

Quote From: shelleyhg

Boy I'm am really getting tired of hearing young and old people blaming  others for the choices they make be it good ones or bad. I don't know any one that had a " perfect childhood" I know I sure didn't I was sexually abused by a close relative but I never went to drugs or alcohol no I went on to make hard decisions in my life at 18 I ended up pregnant not married so in the 60's that was a no no so I thought long and hard to give her to a loving family. We are since reunited and only to find out her life was a fairy tale I'd thought she would have Thank God we now have each other and her 5 beautiful children and to the bastard she married he's in " a program" for spousal abuse what a crack that is he hit her and the kids broke her arm 2 months after giving birth to number 5. 2 months after that he stabbed her with a fork and blacken both eyes all with her in a full cast holding a 2 month old baby. As we are dealing with the after affects he's all comfy cozy in his rehab and out in under  10 months demanding his rights to see his kids 1 day a week. He hit them as well but because of deal making his 10 yr. felony was knocked down to 5 months in a country club. My daughter gets 1,000.00 a month from the state her rent for a 2 bedroom condo is 1400.00 guess who has to pick up the rest and only 500.00 in food stamps we live in CA and the cost of living is so high. Between running the kids to counseling and school and to the courts with gas at what it is you can guess what isn't being done for the true victims here. Now on to the drugs GIVE ME A BREAK PLEASE  I had my right arm ground off in a meat grinder in 76 but did I make the choice to sit back and say oh poor me .hell no I got married to a wonderful man helped him raise his 5 children and we were married to Christmas Day 1997 when he died at the foot of our bed in a massive heart attack and even then I never went to drugs or blame.

To this day I am disabled by a nerve disease that is very painful and I do need lots of pain medication to make it possible for me to do the things that need to be done. I should take 6 pills for pain a day but hey I have kids to feed clean up after and watch over so I stay in pain till they go to bed then I take my medication again no blame game things happen get over it I don't see Dr. Phil helping 5 young kids get over seeing their Mom hit many times by their Dad or the fact the the oldest at age 9 has already been kicked out of 1 school we are trying to do the best we can tell them they are loved and they can do anything and that they are special and none of this was there fault. CHOOSE PEOPLE WE HAVE FREE WILL MAKE THE RIGHT CHOSE.......CHOSE YOU CHILDREN CHOSE LOVE NOT BLAME CHOSE YOURSELF

MICHELLE

I must admit that part of me agrees that blaming others for your problems can sometimes be a psycho cop out because we are all adults, and a lot of us had one or both parents let us down, abandon us, or some other form of neglect, but not all turn to drugs.  There are other ways to cope such as church, God, and  "loving friends".  Don't get me wrong I also know everyone makes bad judgments at one time or another. 

 

My MAIN REASON FOR REPLYING TO THIS  MESSAGE is to rag on the twins dad and step-mom.   I couldn't help but notice that his "wife" did most of the talking.  That got me to wondering if he was a man or mouse.  I had to agree with the twin (I can't remember which one it was) who said that he was "hen pecked" for a nicer word.  I understand their feelings about their biological daughter to an extent, but  her  (the wife)  putting her 2 cents worth in was just wrong. When he adopted those girls he by all purposes took on ALL the responsibilities of being their biological father.  I wonder if he is gonna do the same thing to his biological daughter if this happens to her.  (It can happen to Anyone, No one is immune).

 

Anyway, Sarah and Tecoa, in my book, you're better off without him if he can't stand up for what's right.  I put him up there even below a "deadbeat dad".

 

Good luck with your treatments.  I will continually pray for your recoveries

Patti

 

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