Messages By: pattic

  Even though I clicked on sad on the Emote, I am actually disguested at Grant.  If he had all of these expectations of her as a wife, he should have "interviewed" her before he married her and told her of them.  I have always thought that people should fall in love and marry for what's on the inside, not the outside.  To me, he has NO RESPECT for his wife whatsoever.  My husband tried the same thing with me (to a lesser extent) and found out it wasn't going to work.  He either loves me for who I am, or to put it bluntly, "there's the door".   I explained  to him that I married HIM INSPITE OF HIS FAULTS, and he should overlook mine as well.   When we were first married, I did keep myself up better, I wore make-up and "sexy clothes" for him, and back then he always acted jealous.  Now (of course it's 20 years later) I have become Pentecostal (no make-up, wear long dresses and no pants) and so forth.  He has come to terms with my way of dressing, and finally realized that the more he complains, the less I do.  Our relationship has gotten better because of this.  The LESS he complains, the MORE I do.  Grant, I have one thing to say to you.  Love your wife for Who She Is.  Don't live in a Fairytale Land of Marriage and you will be a lot happier.  By the way, my husband and I have NO Children and so I admire any woman who can be a WIFE AND MOTHER as it seems like it would be like Two Full-Time Jobs.  Even you couldn't keep up with your expectations at that rate. 

  

P Creek 

  

  It sounds to me like they are both "SPOILED BRATS"!  II unnderstand about wanting it to be special, but SPECIAL IS NOT SPELLED M-O-N-E-Y!  Anyone who feels that way has a sad outlook on life.  Mom, I think you should have some say as opinions go, but it is her day.  Just make sure she knows any money spent above the limited budget comes out of her and her betrothed's pockets.  If she goes to daddy and he gives in to her,  that would be world war III between he and I and make sure HE KNOWS IT.  As far as the "perfectionist"  if I were her betrothed, I would have run the other way long ago if she does him this way regularly, because after we get a ring on our finger and that piece of  paper, it 's harder to undo not to mention expensive and I  always thought love is accepting people for who they are, and what they think without trying to change them.   I wish you all the luck and God's Blessings you can get.  You'll need it.  I know this was harsh, but also remember that this was just looking from a superficial point of view since I don't know y'all.

  First of all let me say I am a 52 year old woman who has never been able to have children, but I Have been through what this man is going to put his child through.  He is going to scar this child for life.  I grew up with VERY LOW SELF ESTEEM and have never gotten over it.  It has affected every aspect of my life past and present.    I have heard of "egotistical" before but He takes the cake!  If he isn't ready to be a father, then he shouldn't have "played  the game".  The ONLY Certain thing when 2 people are having sex is that God is in control. Everything happens for a reason.   I have seen where a man wears a condom, the woman is on birth control pills and she still gets pregnant.  As we tell "KIDS" all of the time, abstinance is the only sure way of not getting pregnant.  Doctors don't know everything.  If God wants you to get pregnant, then you will get pregnant.  Mister, grow up and realize  if you're gonna play, you're gonna pay.  I also think that the reason You didn't want to hold the baby or see it is because you know you would not be able to hold to your convictions about not wanting to be a father.  There is just something about looking into a baby's eyes and holding it that can melt any NEGATIVE feelings ( and that is what you're having).  You are going to regret these actions you're taking and feelings you're forcing on yourself in the future, I guarantee it.  I hope when that child grows up and finds you,  that you will be more of a man than you are being right now.  I also hope that the mother is completely honest with the child about you at some point.  The position which you are putting her in is really sad and doesn't say much for your character.  In the next few years, this child will start asking her questions about it's daddy and to keep this child from having a load of emotional problems, she will probably have to lie to it until it gets old enough to understand what a "Jerk" you are and be able to shake the negative feelings off.   

  

Message from experience 

Just because she got pregnant does not necessarily mean she lied.  Doctors mess up all the time.  I was also told I could not get pregnant, but did.   I ended up miscarrying and never got pregnant again, but the fact still remains that the Doctors told me I could not get pregnant and I did.  I understand why Matt feels the way he does, but at the same time if he was really that worried about being a father, He should have taken precautions also.  That would have been the responsible thing to do.  Needless to say, I agree with Dr. Phil.  He gave up His rights when he didn't use a condom.  Where do men get off thinking that it should be left up to the women to do all of the "responsible" thinking and actions?  If they want it to be one sided then there should only be one person involved in the actions.

 I can sympathize with Christy ( I think that was her name).  Anyway, I have a husband that does me almost the same way.  The only difference is I'm 52 years old and have back problems so I can't exercise too much.  I was 112 pounds when he married me (20 Years ago) and he thinks I should still look the same although he's 59 and has aged the same as I have.  I have yet to understand why men put such a value on their wive's looks, just so if she loses a lot of weight, or gets plastic surgery, or does anything like that they'll constantly be worried and jealous.  I always try and joke past the hurt when my husband talks about how fat and old I look by saying that at least he doesn't have to worry about anyone sweeping me off my feet away from him.  I had to wait until tonight to write this after seeing the show this afternoon because I was crying with her.  How can men be so hurtful?  I mean it seems like they emotionless.  How can they hear themselve's saying these mean things and not realize the damage they are doing to our self-esteem?  The excuse my husband uses is " I'm just trying to help you.  I don't want you to have a heart attack from lack of exercise".  I'm costantly tellling him that his constant badgering doesn't help.  Oops!  I didn't mean to get on my soap box!  Sorry..  As far as Gina is concerned,  she better be careful, she might end up looking like Michael Jackson, or Joan Rivers.  Lately I have seen a lot of celebrities who have gotten plastic surgery, and they look ridiculous.  Natural is the way to go.  Your mom is no excuse.  My mom died when she was 43 and she was a very pretty woman.  You can't make time stand still, it will catch up with you one way or the other.  If God had intended for you to look young all your life, he would not have made us to grow old looking.   Gina, your fiance' loves you the way you are.  Love and respect his judgement.  I wish mine would.   

  

SIncerely,  Patti 

 I just wrote in a couple of minutes ago, but had just one more thing to add about Gina.  As far as her wanting to look like J Lo, or other celebrities,  she needs to remember that They Are Rich and can afford all those surgeries.  Why be so shallow?  I would want to think someone cares for me because of what's inside not what I look like.  Especially if it doesn't affect my health.  To me, that's along the same line as when a rich person wonders "do they like me for who I am or my money?" 

  

Thanks for the add-on 

  

Patti 

Hey Shannon,  my mom died when I was 13 and my step-mother TRIED to step right in her shoes.  Needless to say There was definitely rebellion on my part.  Even if you may have some type of disorder,  that still DOES NOT give your parents ESPECIALLY your DAD a pass.  Anyone that would agree with his NEW wife to send his own daughter away and lie to her as well, is a pretty sorry father in my book.  Put it this way.  my dad used to be drunk all the time, and beat my head against a concrete floor, but at least I knew what was coming.  I would rather go through what I went through anyday than being deceived by my own father.  I'm not giving you a pass either.  Bad negative attitudes never make anything better, just worse.  I tried talking to my dad the way you do and thats when I got beat up, so I really was asking for what I got because No Child should talk that way to their parents (step or not).  Anyway, what all this boils down to is I would go to counseling and try to work things out, although Hillary sounded like she wasn't gonna try.  At least if you try counseling (and work at it)  you'll be the better person.  If it doesn't work out or get any better, then I would move out.   I don't remember how old you are, but if you're not old enough to be on your own even Child Protective Services would be better than staying somewhere that you are clearly not wanted.  It sounds to me like dad is trying to make Hillary happy at any expense and your sister is "sucking up" to stay on their good side.  Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset.  Oh well, I better get off my soap box.  Remember first and foremost, do your best to work things out in counseling.  I remember how cheated I felt when my mom passed away and I was tacky to everyone also.  (Not quite as verbally rough as you though).  Even if you may not have gotten along with your mom, it's still a shock to lose her, and really tacky for Hillary to move in "her space".  Your dad should have been more sensitive to your needs as a father.

 

SIncerely,

 

PattiC

Just a thought...could the reason he doesn't want to "get help", or be intimate be because he is afraid he has contracted an STD while with the other women?  My EX-husband was military and stationed in Korea for a year.  When he came back I ended up with an STD, and didn't know it for a very long time.  Maybe he's afraid to find out, if he's been with several women.  Even so, I don't think I could stay with him .  Once you lose the trust in a person, the relationship is NEVER the same, and by him not wanting to move forward, get help and "be a husband" to you,  it's CLEAR what he wants.  He wants his cake and wants to eat it too.  You deserve better.

 Truthfully, I think Terika is getting a raw deal.  I do think the kids should be punished for passing the Video around.  I had to laugh when the  "teachers" were talking about being held to a higher standard.  Look at all of the child molestation charges flying around.  Not to mention I'd be willing to bet that a good percentage of the teachers maybe even those on the show have some type of skeletons in their closets that they would like to stay hidden.  The same goes for a lot of parents.  Maybe not to that extent, but  the only perfect human being I've ever known is Jesus Christ, and He died so our sins could be forgiven.  It saddens me to see what hypocrites we as humans can be.  It kind of reminds me of the parable about the master forgiving the slave his debt, and the slave not forgiving the debt of the man who owed him.  The slave ended up in prison because of his hypocrisy.  I worry more for Terika's safety now that the video is out because high school boys can be so cruel and hormonal.

 

Why do people always have to see the negative side of things?  She turned her life around!  That should be the message to kids.  Not the negative side.

 

 

 

I must admit that part of me agrees that blaming others for your problems can sometimes be a psycho cop out because we are all adults, and a lot of us had one or both parents let us down, abandon us, or some other form of neglect, but not all turn to drugs.  There are other ways to cope such as church, God, and  "loving friends".  Don't get me wrong I also know everyone makes bad judgments at one time or another. 

 

My MAIN REASON FOR REPLYING TO THIS  MESSAGE is to rag on the twins dad and step-mom.   I couldn't help but notice that his "wife" did most of the talking.  That got me to wondering if he was a man or mouse.  I had to agree with the twin (I can't remember which one it was) who said that he was "hen pecked" for a nicer word.  I understand their feelings about their biological daughter to an extent, but  her  (the wife)  putting her 2 cents worth in was just wrong. When he adopted those girls he by all purposes took on ALL the responsibilities of being their biological father.  I wonder if he is gonna do the same thing to his biological daughter if this happens to her.  (It can happen to Anyone, No one is immune).

 

Anyway, Sarah and Tecoa, in my book, you're better off without him if he can't stand up for what's right.  I put him up there even below a "deadbeat dad".

 

Good luck with your treatments.  I will continually pray for your recoveries

Patti