I wrote a bit back about whether or not to call my mother and family when I am in labor. Well, the day is finally here, well almost. I have been in labor since last Thursday and I am going insane at this point. The doc says anytime now but I am getting increasingly impatient.
I have to say that my emotions are starting to get the best of me. I long for the concern of a family and friends and there is none. I feel so betrayed. I have done so much for all of them, do you know how many baby showers I planned for these people, fundraisers, name it. I think back to these times when I never expected anything back except for the knowledge of making someone feel good if only for a moment. And now when I am in need, there is no one. In fact, my ex is starting problems with me now, when I am in labor. Calling my daughter's school yesterday causing problems and making a scene! We were so embarrassed!
I just found out that he didn't pay her school tuition when he said that he was going to. Where is this money going to come from now, there is a baby coming and I have to come up with $2000.00 now. I could just slap him! He is the definition of deadbeat! OOOOOOO, what loathe I have for him right now! And no one cares. I could be their dumping ground but god forbid I have a problem!
How can I deal with these feelings? I feel ashamed of myself thinking that someone would give back to me what I have given them! I feel ashamed for wanting some peace in my life. I just don't know what to do!
My daughter is suffering because she has no family. She has my fiance, and me but for a 13 year old, is that enough. I just don't know.
