Quote From: abbiedeenMy husband's ex wife is so bitter toward my husband for leaving her -- and subsequently marrying me -- she says and does things to the children to intentionally hurt my husband and his relationship with his little ones.
A little background: My husband left his first wife when she was about 5 months pregnant with their youngest child. Granted, it was probably not the best time -- but there were extenuating circumstances. I met him shortly after he left. She blames me for the break up of their marriage. She says (and possible, she's right) that if he hadn't met me, they would have reconciled. The fact remains, they married young, because she was pregnant with their oldest, everyone told him not to marry her and they had split up and gotten back together several times before. The end of the marriage was inevitable. (Thats the short version). That was more than 4 years ago. In that 4 years, she has spoken to him less than a half dozen times (no exaggeration!). She refuses to speak to him about anything, including the children, their education, time with them, etc.
Recently, we movd from NC to WA. His children are in OR. So we are now 200 miles, door to door from them. My husband is asking for more time. She said she is remarried now, her new husband is the kids dad (she has even told his kids, now 8, 6 and 3, that they MUST call her husband "Daddy" and my husband "Mike" in her presence; that he is not their Daddy anymore because he left "them"), so they do not need any more time than the 30 days a year he had while living across the country. (He is military, so that was feasible, at the time). It's back in court and we'll find out what the judge says on the 25th.
Meanwhile, his 3 year old daughter told him last Sunday "You're dumb. I don't love you anymore. I have a mommy and a daddy here, I don't need you!" She then got on the phone with me and said "I don't think I should come to your house anymore!" When I asked her why not, she said "Because you're dumb and I don't love you!" I said, "Well, I love you, and I would like you to come to our house again." To which she replied, "I can't! It makes my mom mad!" Hmmmmmm wonder where she got that!
I have tried to stay out of things with his ex and him. I type and mail letters for him, because I have an office job and can do things that he can't, due to his job. I also help him with his legal stuff because we can no longer afford the attorney and I was going to law school before we moved. I don't speak to her, don't say anything bad to her or about her in front of the kids. She has no issue with me other than that her husband married me after divorcing her. She, on the other hand, has told the children horrible things about me, my husband, our families, etc.
So.....what do you do about a biological parent who does not want to "share" the children with the other biological parent and who twists the kids up just to hurt their dad? How do you handle a situation like this when you see your husband hurting so bad because his 6 year old hasn't gotten on the phone with him for 6 weeks now because "You're mean and I don't want to talk to you!", and his mother won't get on the phone with his dad to try to gt to the bottom of WHY he is saying that? What do you say to your husband when he says "I give up! I might as well just stop calling and trying to see them! They don't love me anymore! They don't want me around anyway!" Especially when you KNOW that's not true -- that they are just saying what their mother wants thm to! What do you do???
Anyone?
Erin
Erin, I admire you and your husband for lasting this long. I was never in that perdicament. My real dad left when my mom was pregnant. The dad that I grew up with was my stepfather, both families got along great. My biological father, has never even tried to reach me. The only thing that he did that was good was leave when my mom was pregnant. My biological father took one of my brothers with him and for the first time the whole family met the oldest of our family when i was 14. It was strange to see him because we all look alike. So for your perdicament, the best thing that I can think of is go to court, but leave the kids with a babysitter unless the judge wants to talk to them. The children should not be in the middle as they are now. Your husbands ex is making the children call their stepfather "daddy" which is not right at all. My two stepdaughters asked me WHAT I wanted them to call me, I told them anything you want. I also told them that by no means am I taking the place of their mother. I told them as close that I can come to that is being your friend and stepmother. That seemed to the kids at ease....maybe try something like that but only to the ex, she might think that you and your husband want to take the kids from here. Letters don't always work. I feel for you both, I cannot even think, of doing to those little children who need their biological dad.
I hope everything works out for you and your husband
Pandas (Cheryl)
