Messages By: baseball

I have to apogize to you Linda. That i took so long to get back on dr phil. I didnt think that anybody would read anything i said, or even answer. In the last 6months i have been trying just to listen to my mother and be her freind and just a daughter. The way that i dealt with my anger when my sister did die was a year ago n june 28, i did something constructive. i made a memorable scrapbook, that was hers, in honor of my loving sister. i had also photographed each page and e mailed to my other siblings so they can see what i was doing. so for the last few months that is what i did to overcome my pity, anger, upsetness, and everything else that i have felt. Your right, life doesnt stop for any pain.i think it just continues to go on around you and with that being around people after that was my therapy. i needed to go back to work and be in the reality of it.  for 6 months i have been  my own therapist. ive not changed anything i do on a daily basis or sit long enough to think about it again. other people help, even if its just a stranger at the store. seeing faces and going about your regularlife is kind of its own therapy. i also have my own memorial at home with something personal of hers that i can sit back and reflect on the good times.

now that i k now people actually do read your diary and answer i think i will be on here a little more often. i like the new dr phil site,it has a little more things to do her eand i can still have my diary to share with  others. i thought this would be a great way to find other people with the same problem and relate with and be supportive in their own way thank you for reading mine. and again im sorry i took so long to answer ive really been busy all this time. My mom is alot better too.she finally grieved in her own way.thank you again

I don't know how many of you are familiar with my story about

my family, so here it goes. I married a man that lost his wife

in childbirth, she alwasy wanted a girl and gave her life giving

birth, she had 3 darling boys, but wanted dresses instead of jeans

to wash all the time:) I met him when his daughter was just

6 months old and we married when she was 18 months old.

When her mother died, her ex came and took the boys, within

an hour of her death and wouldn't let them stay with their step

dad for one more night. He never let the boys have a picture of

their mother in their possession. If he found one he would take it

from them.

So my daughters middle brother took his life last night, he was only

18, he turned 18 just last month and was still going to school. It

was a very rough night and the rest of the week probably won't be

much better. It is very sad and hard to deal with, you feel like there is

something you could have done more of, you feel responsible and

terribly sad. My daughter feels responsible in a way, because just

yesterday she was telling the neighbor kids that she didn't like the

name of her brothers father.

Suicide affects so many lives and feelings, how do I get a 9 year old

to understand it, she has lost her mother, Grandmother to

cancer and now a brother. Don't worry, I did not tell her he took his

life, but it is bound to get out and I have to think of how to handle this

the best way.

I guess I have rambled on enough, just remember ANYONE, that life

is precious and bad times can be so unbearable, but it passes, it

really does. I have been there many many times so I know,

PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP!

Tomorrow I and my family are headed to a funeral.

My step son hung himself in the barn and everyone

is just devastated, I hope he knew half of the people

that are showing their love to him now and that he

knew how much he impacted their lives.

There are many ways to get help for what you need

there are churches and people in them that can help clean

Too many ways to get help for depression.

I am not trying to be rude or insensitive, but this pains me

right now to see your post. I hope you can get some

rest and do something to help you feel better.

Many blessing and wishes for you Denise.

cj

SEA, Bz, Linda and Makenah and all others that posted to me

I really appreciate it and I am MIA for a bit, need to travel for

the funeral and too much stress right now. Dealing with

my daughter and her brothers death is taking my time

right now. Have a good weekend everyone.

Don't leave 5 minutes before the Miracle!!